40+ divorced and scare of being alone forever?

I'm 43 male brutally divorced, three years ago. Scare that I'll not find someone again not sure what to do. I guess a little background on the situation would help. I was married for over 20 years to the women I was ready to spend the rest of my life with when one day she sprung the divorce on me out of the blue. Feeling like I failed, with not knowing what I really did for her to leave. For this I've been under a rock ever since and living out of the light of everyone. But lately I've been feeling truly alone and terrified that this loneliness, will last forever or at least the rest of my life. I tried the dating online but feel overwhelmed by the masses of profiles. Plus, all the women I read about seem to have there shit together unlike me that just wants to find someone to hang out with and see where it goes. I'm not looking for a women that travels the world, uses vacation time to tend to the endangered green tree frog while attending zumba 7 days a week with six masters degrees. hope you get the point. I don't do bars for I really don't drink. I'm so much of an introvert, with a nerd intellect that I feel I scare women away with what I say. People tell me that I'm good looking and look younger then I really am but then again, it's me and I don't see it. I guess I'm just not bad enough, or shell I say I'm to boring. Not putting women down, but it seams I'm not tool enough. Maybe that is not that accurate but can't think of any other word that best describes what I mean. So, I guess what I'm really wanting to know, is where the fuck does someone like me start this journey of finding someone being a over 40 divorced geek and dating with the possibility of self combustion. Ok, I'm not going to self combust. However, I could. For speaking to women doesn't come natural to me. I'm not the individual just go up to a women and ask her out. Out of words so hope this was enough to get an outcome to the question at hand. So, fire away because I'm freaking clueless.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So it happened to my uncle - Out of the blue she says something like "honey I want a divorce because I've been sleeping with your best friend for 6 months while you've been working double shifts in the mine... Oh and by the way, we are in a shit load of debt because I bought him all this stuff on these store cards you never knew I had and the daily salon visits because after all I had someone to impress". So he went through a few months of depression then picked himself up and started going to the gym and doing lots of other things to keep himself busy - got a night job at the skating rink supervising (just so that was one night he didn't have to be on his own) and other things. So one night he meets someone at the skating rink who had not been there for years - she kept going back, the end up dating, then marrying, now have two kids. So grieve and then pick yourself up, keep as busy as you can and get out and about doing things you enjoy - that's your best way of finding new love. And you are never too old!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Try making conversations with women at work you seem to think is interesting. Be outgoing. I know around 35% of women likes nerds. I see that your afraid of being forever alone and talking to women is hard for you but, put some effort.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You've been burned once, why would you want to do it again? Your situation can have an analogy - you've been drinking poison because it was what society had told you to do and one day the effects of that poison finally hit home.

    And now you're worried that you'll newer get to drink poison again?

    I'm not trying to bash you here but you should just do things that you like in life, explore, develop hobbies or whatever. Raise your self esteem which you seem to lack at the moment. Who knows, maybe you'll find an concoction that isn't poisoned.

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    • Are you really only 19?

    • Yeah. I guess I just have a broader perspective since I had to look at things and people from the sidelines.

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