Singles: How do you know if you are being too picky, or if there really just aren't any decent people worth dating?

Every guy I talk to or date seems to treat me a little bit better than the last, even if he does me wrong in some way. But I still find issues like lying, not being straightforward about feelings, not communicating about things that bother them, etc. Am I really being too picky by trying to look for people who don't play these games, or will they all possess these problems to some extent? I always thought wanting someone honest, open, and good at communicating was reasonable, but I can never seem to find all those qualities in a person.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You kinda just described me. I feel that I look for reasons to not be in a relationship. And I do. I just don't wanna date right now and he could be the best guy, the man I'm "supposed" to end up with, but if he asked me out right now, I'd probably find a reason to not date him.

    I am being too picky. You probably are too. I have my reasons, I just don't want another cheater. You probably have your reasons too.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Everybody has a different set of standards that over time changes in who they want and what they feel is needed for a relationship to work. Maybe one idea for you "if" you feel you're being picky is take a look at what you look for in a guy, find a particular standard you may have that could expand your pool if you throw it out the window (ex. racial preference, which many have).

    Communication is definitely one issue that exists with many though to various degrees. Just as long as you find someone you're comfortable communicating with that you feel you can trust is all you really need.

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    • I completely agree with the first part of your answer. Things like that, I've become very open with. My issue, as I mentioned in the details, is that all guys I've talked to seem to have issues lying about certain things, whether it's a big or small lie. It's still a lie in my book. They also have issues being straightforward about what they want relationship-wise or how they feel about me. Is an honest, straightforward guy who can communicate, too much to ask for, or am I being too picky with those things? I always thought those things were reasonable.

    • It's absolutely reasonable. What they want relationship-wise and how they feel about you is absolutely something you should know. The lies... I can understand the big ones, but what are the little ones usually about?

    • With this particular guy, he said he's been safe in all his sexual relationships, then later said that neither partner (him or the females) used any form of protection. He also said that his family and friends knew about me, but when I asked what they knew, he said they didn't know about me, then that he was kidding. So I don't really know. In the grand scheme of things, neither of those things matter. If we become official, everyone will eventually know. As far as the safe sex goes, as long as I know he's clean now, everything's fine. But he's being very stubborn and hesitant about getting tested, which is the only major thing I've asked of him.

  • or more importantly if you´re adequate for the kind of girl, you´re going for :D... for me, i don´t really know but i don´t care. i just stay single untill i find one that i "really" like.

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  • it's your life, your list of requirements can be as big as you want, only that you need to dig deeper.

    My cousins say my big gaps between girlfriends are because my standards are way too high, but heck, if I'm going to spend my time and maybe even money on that person, better be one I actually like.

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  • I don't think you're being too picky, at least where finding someone who doesn't lie about shit is concerned. In my experience, if someone's willing to lie to you about minor shit now, they'll be willing to lie about major things later.

    Unfortunately, finding people who aren't shady as fuck seems to be getting more and more difficult.

    Maybe try dating nerd guys. They're a bit clingy, but less likely to play games with your head.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Typically you are being too picky when no one is ever good enough for you despite what's valuable in them. Some people are sincerely so immature that they don't even realize they're not good at communicating. They're so bitter, jaded, or dominated by trust issues that they don't see how annoying it is that they are not open. The lying is always a no no lol But sometimes people can't actually see their flaws... they are still great people with potential but they just need some self-improvement. Which they often discover in relationships.

    Just be more realistic about the fact that no guy is going to be perfect yet if he treats you well and makes you feel good at the end of the day, then he may be worth it... worth the frustration and worth the time it will take to work with him.

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    • This is exactly what I've been thinking, as far as how the guy makes me feel. He did realize he had issues a while back. He basically was scared so he cut contact and came back to apologize and said he realized how important I was and what a catch I am and wanted another chance. But I've still caught him in a couple small lies. My only thing is not knowing how much to take before the frustration isn't worth it anymore. Since we met online and have only used Skype and FaceTime, a lot of people say he's not worth anymore time at all, but my guy is telling me to at least meet him in person before I decide. He's been the least messed up guy I've met, and the only one who's ever tried to make things right, despite still having shortcomings.

    • Call him out when he lies lol just do it with big, adorable eyes and a cutsey voice and try to phrase it in a charming way so that you don't come off as a total b*tch and it doesn't make things beyond awkward between you two. Then ask him why he lied and ask if it's instinctive for him to lie because if it is then that's a problem for you

  • I agree an have the same problem keep thinking is it me or them. Finding someone that amazing sure must be hard

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  • You're not being picky.

    I'm just not worth dating. Dating would lead to marriage and I'm not marriage material, I'm still young too. Maybe when I'm older, I'll know the struggle of being single and finding someone.

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