to help her out or to leave her flat on her face that is the question...
so I started dating this girl last week , the first date went really well and ended with a couple hour's long hot and heavy make out session. then the next few dates after that went well too. then her and I got on the subject about her and her ex. she broke up with her ex about 7 months ago and she did it cause he was never there for her when she needed him. but she also loved him as a result she's still got emotional issues that won't let her accept anyone who cares for her because she doesn't think anyone cares enough for her to stay. so the last 2 dates she was talking with me and she said" I don't think its a good idea for you to get to emotionally attached to me, I like someone but I push them away before it gets to serious just so I don't have to worry about being hurt ever again." now I know that's a major warning sign for most people but I'm not like that. almost all my ex's have been in the same situation and I have helped them pick themselves back up and get them to the point they are enjoying life again just to have them leave me after I help them. its like I am the middle man who fixes girls just to watch them get broken again.
so now I'm torn I have spent so much time on fixing my ex's especially my last one I really don't feel like having to go through the same crap just to be ditched at the road side as the nice guy who helped her find her way. but on the other hand its in my nature if I don't help her I will feel horrible I don't want her to have to suffer because of what her ex was like and I know I can help her and get her back to how she used to be if I only try. so now I need help. is it worth it helping people just to be dumped at the way side? or is it better to just turn tail and leave like most other people and let her loose faith in people and just leave her hurting...
and thank you very much for taking the time to read I really do appreciate every answer I can get.
Most Helpful Girl
Sorry, but it isn't your job to fix anyone. They need to fix themselves. I am a little weary of hearing people go on and on about their particular brand of issues and heartache that is supposed to explain their behavior. Hey, we all have our issues, but they can be overcome. Frankly she sounds like she is expecting to get some sort of guarantee from a guy that he won't ever leave her. It is her deal if she really wants to live the rest of her life not experiencing love for fear of being hurt. Why are people so particularly pain adverse to the point they would stop living life? The way I see it the bad times in life help us identify and appreciate the good times. So, she had a situation that did not work out, get over it.
Instead of trying to fix anyone, you need to tell that person something like this "Hey, I really like you and I want to continue to see you, but if you are not emotionally available to continue this, I understand." Follow it with a little tough love given in a compassionate tone "I have had my heart broken too, but I am ready to put that in the past and start a relationship. If you are not ready to move past your situation, then we should not be dating."
Basically, put the ball back into their court. Do not become the sad sap confidant that she steps all over and then leaves once she feels better. Hold yourself out as someone worth dating, not as the guy who is going to make it all better.3