How to deal with guys that keep on texting but do not ask you out?

Girls and guys, please help me and give me advice on how to deal with this kind of situation... there are these 2 guys, they will text me every other day or so, we have a good text conversations, and they tell me they like me and they enjoy talking to me, and then they will say shit like "what are you doing today?" if I say I am doing XYZ, then he will say "what about after that?" or be like, what do you like do eat, "do you like sushi?" and then they don't ask me out after I respond to those kind of texts. I feel rather put off by it, if they don't ask me out fine, at least don't purposefully lead me on, right? That is so shitty...

How do you I deal with these kind of situation without appearing like I wanted to go out with them in the first place? Do I just stop responding to their text messages?

One of them never asked me out, but one of them exchanged books with me (2 dates), can I just stop responding to his texts... how am I suppose to return the book then?

I do NOT want to ask a guy out. If a guy likes me, HE should ask me out, not the other way around. Am sick of them playing with my head, how to rid of this horrible cycle without being rude or act as if I was angry over it?
Thanks everyone for their 2 cents, I now accept the fact that these men have other female romantic interest that they like more than me for whatever reason. I won't entertain their texts anymore. If they don't want to ask me out plenty of other guys will :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • You probably show zero clues that you would like that. You can't complain if you expect them to do everything.

    • I did everything I could think of to show interest minus asking him out... at this point I am spending this weekend alone all defeat because he doesn't like me. It is not like I sit at home going ha ha... I don't feel good okay? This sucks

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    • It's not the rules... its that he doesn't want to see me this weekend. Pretty clear cut...

      My first boyfriend was very shy too, but I didn't even have to give him my phone number, he just look it up on the school directory and he shows up out side of my classroom and asked to carry my textbooks... if a guys likes you he acts like he likes you, you know?

    • Not always. But if that's how you feel ok.


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What Guys Said 7

    "I know a great restaurant downtown, we should check it out"
    easy as pie, give him an opportunity to make a move girls just expect dudes to do everything! without knowing anything!
    let him know your intentions so he can make a move!

    • They already know when I am available and what both of us like to eat, they don't need any hint nor should I have to hint and manipulate someone into a date with me

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    • I did... he said he was sick I asked him what he likes to eat when he feels sick then I recommended a place that has that dish... he just says it sounds good and then Nothing!

    • oh well he is an idiot lol
      that was pretty obvious
      you even chose the place...
      I don't know try meeting a more forward assertive type

  • probly are afraid

    • afraid of what? that they ask me out and be turned into my boyfriend? its insulting... if they don't like me, leave me alone, if they like me, ask me out... don't play with people's feelings

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    • you seem bitter.

    • Yeah, I do feel upset... I am not that scary ok, I am a tiny little female and I look really young for my age most people think I am a college student... It's not like try to touch me or try to kiss him. I just want to have a nice conversation with someone... and then he shows up shaking as if I am there to tear him down.

  • Ask him out?

    • If they want to see me they would have asked me out already. That is a bad advice

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    • Or they are shy? ever consider that? Maybe you are stringing him along and he's not sure if you really like him. 2 way street

    • No, at the end of the date, he said we go out again? I said yes loud and clear, and I don't always wait for him to initiate text. Its like he is testing the water to see if I would go out with him again and then once he know the answer he doesn't ask me out,

  • We do it because we (mostly me) are afraid of rejection

    • I don't think so... I am being as friendly as I could over text and always respond as soon as I see the texts

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    • what is YOLO?

    • YOLO= you only live once

  • Do you want to go out with them?

    • I did but now I sense he doesn't want to date me...

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    • I don't think he was desperate to ask me out, I thought it was manly... It's only desperate when girl ask a guy when the guy doesn't clearly doesn't want her, I am actually really upset by it, I couldn't concentrate at work all week cause he would text me on and off and doesn't ask me out, put me on this emotional roller roaster... I managed to work from 8:30am to 11pm today (Friday) then came home and cried. I really tried my best to show him I was interested but it looks like he just doesn't want to date me

    • What makes you think you know what he wants? That's why you ask, to find out. It's not desperate. You like them, you want to spend time with them so you should ask. Being a girl changes nothing. Yet guys and girls don't ask because they're nervous, because they think they'll seem desperate or get rejected.

      Why is it good for him to ask you but you would look desperate? He's in the exact same situation as you.

      You might think he doesn't want you, but he can be using the exact same reasoning, thinking: She clearly doesn't want to date me and I'll look desperate so I won't ask her out.

      I think you presume to know this guy's mind when you actually don't because you haven't talked to him about it - and you think that 'showing you're interested' will always be received.
      'Signals' are flimsy at best. Don't expect them to work.

  • Give them some hints and they will ask ypu out

    • Hey i read all your comments and it looks like these guys are either pussies or they are simply not interested in you...
      Sorry but sometimes its like guys can also wanna be just friends with the girl...

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    • So he took me out on 2 dates and now he friends me? Isn't that stringing someone along? I think I will just go talk to other guys that's actually looking for something more serious...

    • Well he friend zoned you... it sucks. just go for other guys...

  • Be slightly flirty. Lead him on in a positive way, get up his confidence so he asks 👍

    • Thanks I tried... I made comment about his hair then he stop the text conversation all together... ruined my night too, I was supposed to work last night now I am stuck at the office on a Friday night with no date

What Girls Said 2

  • When they ask what you are doing, tell them.
    But also say, " I'd rather be on a date with you".
    Hint about what you want.
    These back and forth text messaging gets old after a while.

    • That would so work on me lol

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    • Yeah that would make him think u see him as a friend

    • I don't think he is oblivious though... he had sooo many chances to ask me out while we were texting. I even make a comment and ask about his physical feature, so he should know I was at least taking notice of what he looks like... I even asked him what he likes to eat back and told me a place that I went that was good. You really don't think he is playing me for an ego stroke?

  • ask him out yourself. mention something fun that's coming up and invite him along.