Do guys ever actually want relationships?

So i'm 21 and in college and all the guys i met are the same... they just want to have fun and party all the time and move from hot girl to hot girl. I mean don't get me wrong it's not like i am asking them to marry me right away or anything like that but i'm just tired of dating and I want to experience something real and to have a "real connection" with a guy you know? what am i doing wrong?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everything that kheserthorpe said was right on, but one part he didn't mention was that college is a "perfect storm" of many things coming together at the same time for guys:

    - Right in the middle of their sexual peak years (about 16-25)
    - Away from parents, usually for the first time.
    - Newly adults, having lots of new privileges
    - College has the highest-concentration of similar-age single women they'll ever encounter.
    - As adults, they'll probably never have as much free time or as few responsibilities.

    Guys very much realize this, and most intend to take full advantage of this window of their lives to have as much fun, and get with as many girls as they can. They're in Party Mode and the last thing many of them want is to be tied down or to have obligations or expectations on them. As kheserthorpe stated, the more attractive they are and the better their ability to get girls, the less they're likely to be interested in a relationship (obviously there will be some exceptions).

    There will always be shy or less attractive/less skilled-with-women guys out there who DO want a relationship, but most girls aren't interested in those guys. They want the hot, outgoing, confident, guys, but those guys aren't generally into relationships - they want to get in as much fun and partying as they can before their college days are done.

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    • There's atrually another college factor that's emerged - a seriously skewed male female ratio.

    • @kheserthorpe yesss exactly this lol. My college has like a 3:1 girl to guy ratio so any attractive guy has like 20 girls who like him as well... makes things so difficult.

What Guys Said 29

  • Sure. A lot of guys do.

    However if they're young, and good looking, and can hook up relatively easily, they are much, much less likely to want one.

    Some guys -don't- want a relationship - they see it as work and just don't care about emotional closeness at all. Other guys mainly want a relationship.

    Most guys sort of like the idea of a relationship, and do fall for girls, but -also- find the idea of hooking up with lots of hot girls appealing. The more able they are to hook up with hot girls, the more the benefits they do see in relationships don't outweigh the benefits of not being committed. On the other hand, guys who are less successful with women are more likely to see a reliable partner as a big plus, and lack of hooking up a non-issue, since they're not doing it anyway.

    tl/dr, you're hot, probably going after hot guys, and young hot guys have big motivation to stay uncommitted. Some have no interest, some just don't consider it worth it because they're having too much fun. Guys who are below your league are more likely to want one and would probably jump at one with you, but that may seem like a crappy deal to you.

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  • Yeah, most of us look forward for a relationship, some want it later than others, some want it sooner.
    I've been wanting a relationship for very long now, but I haven't found anyone that I wanna spend time with yet, so to be honest, I'm just tired of waiting, so right now I just gonna take anything that comes to me. If it's just sex, good; if it's a relationship, good.
    I want a relationship, but I'm not gonna say no to casual sex until I find the right girls for me.

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  • The least interesting human beings on the planet are all in their early twenties, so I would say that it is probably a good idea to date as little as possible during that time.

    That said, yes. Most people are all after that illusive "the one", and are simply outshined by the douche bags after "the one hundredth". Which are most concentrated on college campuses.

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  • That's all I've wanted. Never did like the hook-up culture. I've actually been in the reverse roll for most of my life: I want a serious girlfriend (and eventually, a wife), but all the women who have been "interested" in me just wanted sex with somebody novel and different; they couldn't care less about me as a person.

    Foreign women at my university are especially like this: we both know that she will just go back to Norway / Brazil / China / wherever in X number of months, and then we'll likely never see each other again in person. Yet, they still want to hook-up for several weeks or months. No, thanks.

    So, if it's any consolation, I can sympathize with you.

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  • Id like a relationship but I don't want to date one of those girls who has slept around with the party boys.

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  • Damn where are you? i will come over right now, we can go get some red wine and cheese... JK

    uhm... I don't know i feel the same way, i enjoy relationships more than random hook ups, that hard to find in a frat house, or at a bar, change where you meet men, you may have to go for guys who are closer to 30
    by then they are looking to settle down

    Try to find a new way of meeting guys

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  • i do. but i dont know too many good girls mature enough to.

    as it is hard finding a cool traditional mature men who has morals, it is hard finding an attractive women who has her shit together and isn't like a self obsessed child.

    your age girls often go for men who are late 20s to 30s even. teens and 20 yr olds are more intolerant to the age gaps until they continue dating and realise the real issue should be the rarity of finding a real man in this confused broken world where feminism and MGTOW are rampant as part of this role play issue. And people just dont trust each other so do what they like that may be damaging to current/future relatinoships.

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  • It's just the age bracket you are in. It should get better as you age. Or you could aim for guys a bit older.

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  • I do. wanted one since I was 23. someone to come home to, someone to be that "lobster" with (Sorry for the friends reference), Someone to grow "older" with.
    I thought I had that person but she just wanted to mesh nothing more. wanted me to make all the decisions, and when I didn't make the right one she blamed me for doing it wrong. I asked her for her input and said it was all fine.

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  • interesting no girsl have commented... the answer is yes. stop rubbing on the first thing with a warm boby an has a dick will end a lot of this. guy always want relationships except in very few reaspons. crap im falling asleep but i guess i u get the idea i was going gfor

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  • Im at a stage in my life where its relationship or nothing. No random hook ups.

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  • You're looking at the wrong guys. Honestly, I know a hell ton of guys who'd like to be in a long-term relationship, as well as a bitch ton more who are like you describe. I, myself, would like not much more than to have a lass I could spend my life with, but no girl ever even looks my way simply because I don't make a point to show off like other guys.

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  • Not if it means paying for everything

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  • Some guys like me only want relationships.

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  • I'm graduating this may and wish I had a stable relationship throughout my 5 years at college. Oh well.

    Should have sacked up and actually pursued the women I was interested in

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  • You've dated the wrong ones. Try it with the guys, that share the same hobby as you do. What do you like to do? Join some community with your favourite activities and try the guys there.

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  • I've always wanted a relationship - nothing else.

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  • Where do you meet most guys that you date? You might be looking in all the wrong places.

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    • Show All
    • I've met guys at parties and I've had guys come up to me in my classes as well and they've all been the same

    • I'm not saying all college guys that go to parties are sleazy d-bags but all college guys that are sleazy d-bags go to parties... Again try meeting dudes in other places. There are probably some clubs that you would be interested in and then you can meet a guy and already have something in common with.

  • yes we do on occasion

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  • I might be sixteen, but yeah, I do wish for a relationship.
    I'm just an old softie though.

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  • There're guys who aren't like that which of course are few but you need to make a nice decision before concluding. Just take your time you'll find one who'll make you feel real. Not every guy moves from hot girl to hot

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  • Relationships or nothing for me. I'm not a fan of bullshit gameplay.

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  • @MrOracle said it best so either wait it out or broaden your horizons.

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  • OH GOD YES!!! Did I said that out loud? *walks away..

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  • You are at the wrong place at the wrong time.

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  • I'm going to uni in the fall and I'm definitely not a hook up kinda guy. I could never have sex with a girl if I didn't love her. I'll take the relationship please. Maybe search other places? Libraries maybe

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  • You may not be doing anything wrong. I am a guy and I have a similar problem. It seems like the only women that put them selves out there to meet anyone are wild party girls that just want to sleep around, or women with 4 kids from 4 different guys that need a man to help raise their kids. These women don't really want a relationship, they have just become desperate, and are looking to settle.

    Finding a partner that wants a relationship and isn't just desperate to settle, is hard for both genders. Then after finding them, we have to worry about compatibility, and other such issues. It makes dating much harder on those of us that want a relationship.

    Guys that are good at approaching women, typically are use to hitting on a lot of women, because they are just sleeping with any woman that moves. Watch out for any guy that is too smooth. Guys that never approach a woman also tend to have many self confidence issues that could be a problem for you later on.

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    • I put myself out there and I have no kids and never married... please tell me where people like you look for females? I notice guys only SAY they want a steady serious relationship, but in reality, they only say that to get you to like them, invest in them emotionally, truthfully they don't really want steady relationships

    • Where to meet people is a good question that both genders are asking. The problem is that even though it seems like we go to the same places as everyone else, we are outnumbered by people looking for sex. I think that is because the wild party people looking for hookups are out there every night, and people looking for a relationship are typically not that aggressive about it.

      The reason is simple. To the party people going out and hooking up with new people is fun. To the people looking for a partner, it is work that often ends in heart ache. We get hurt and stop looking for a while, then go back out looking after we have some recovering time. So even though there are plenty of us, we aren't making ourselves as available to find as we should.

  • All the guys you are meeting were selected by you because they were good looking. The guys with top looks in college tend to like partying. Why? Because they can.

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  • You might want to check your friend-zone.

    I've always wanted a relationship. Took 32 years to find one...

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    • I have like two guy friends... i haven't had guy friends since university cause most of them ended up wanting to date me or we drifted apart and my two "friendzone" guys don't even count cause they're in relationships too

    • Asker - not suggesting you should have dated them if not interested, but there's your evidence of 'relationship' guys. They wanted to date (as opposed to hook up with) you from how it sounds, and then found relationships with other girls.

What Girls Said 4

  • they do. the good ones do, but we can't just sit around waiting for them to come to us. sometimes even the good guys will eventually get tired of being right under ur nose and u just can't see the poor thing.
    i think that if we allow ourselves to accept that there r still good men in the world, then maybe we'd b more willing to give em a chance=]

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    • Yeah I do realize there are great men in the world just none that approach me apparently hahahha

    • haha i understand. i guess we should put ourselves out there enough to come off as approachable.

  • You're not doing anything wrong.
    I find even the older men are like that too.
    Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and eventually you will meet that guy!

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  • Most of the time. rarely.

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  • Some guys do, but most guys around your age don't want to be committed. Sometimes you have to look outside the certain guy you go for-and look for a cute engineer major, or look for the cute shy chem major. Guys you overlook because the so called hot guys are claiming your attention. Those hot guys have such large egos, a lot of them end up easily cheating if they find the next hot girl anyway. Go for the smart ones, ones that can respect and appreciate you

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    • I'm a biology major so I interact with a lot of cute chem major and in my university they tendy to be douchey or well let me rephrase that the ones who approach me are douchey.

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