Why is it that the second older women find out my age they suddenly find me unappealing?

I am a twenty year old with a taste for older women (23-35), most girls my age (and younger) I find too immature to be in a serious relationship with. I grew up a bit differently than most guys, I was the youngest in the household by over a decade so I grew up and matured rather quickly. I'm very outgoing, fun, romantic, etc. And never have a problem striking up a conversation with anyone. Most people think I'm in my late twenties when they meet me.

Now I can chat with older women for a while, have a wonderful conversation with them, great chemistry, flirting, etc. , then they eventually ask my age (which I refuse to lie about) and when they find out I'm twenty, usually five minutes later they will find some excuse to leave and end it there if not saying I'm too young outright. I've even had cases of women giving me their numbers before and then asking for them back.

So tell me, why is it that regardless of maturity, income, personality, or anything else under the moon that the second older women find out my age they suddenly find me unappealing?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Guys your age have a horrible reputation (they just want to get as many girls as possible, they are not necessarily interested in long term, and really it's all about testing the water). Unfortunately you are going to have to pay the price for their reputation. Women are looking for a guy who is on the same life script as them - for example, a mature woman is finished school, looking to settle down (perhaps purchase a condo, house etc), she has a set career (more or less) - so basically she wants to find a guy who is on the same life track as her. I would not go further than approaching a woman who is past 24. Unless she is only of those bohemian, off-beat types who lives life by the moment then really, she would be attracted to a younger guy. Usually this woman is very financially comfortable (and is independent) doesn't rely on a man to support her. She probably doesn't practice 'traditional' gender roles either. It is rare to find a younger guy that interested in older women, she doesn't see men as fulfilling a void in her. She is confident that she can follow through with younger guy regardless of societies opinions. This is an intriguing idea. What attracts you to older women?

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What Girls Said 4

  • It seems shallow and it doesn't mean that they're not attracted to you hun. It's just that they figure that you have different wants and needs at your age than they do at theirs. I've always dated older guys but for a different reason lol. It sounds silly but my brother is 3 years younger than I am and dating a guy remotely close to his age would just seem weird to me.

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  • Some women have just attached a stigma with younger men. There's not whole lot you can do about that. It just either means that you need to find different women or try harder with the one's you are interested in.

    How do you know they find you unappealing once they hear your age? Do they immediately stop talking to you and move on?

    Honestly, I can say that at my age, 26, if I was talking to a guy that seemed nice and sweet and then I found out he was 20 I would not be interested anymore. I know it's not the nicest thing to say, but I would kind of feel like a cradle robber.

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    • Ah, but yet it would be acceptable for you to date a 32 year old or even a 37 year old. It is the culture bias.

    • Of course it's a culture bias. That's what makes our culture so odd sometimes. Once you hit a certain age, it matters less. But for me, at my age now, I wouldn't want to date someone so young. It's also a matter of personal preference.

  • Well. I am taken aback by younger men because I just like older guys that have more life experience. I'm not a gold digger or anything, but I like to be taken care of. I'm an old fashioned kinda girl :)

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  • Its not about you or your look at all but it your age. Many older women are looking for a serious relationship that lead to marriage and having baby. Majority of younger men are not looking for relationship that would end up in marriage and usually date older women for sex only. At twenty, your too young to settle down and have baby so that why she turns you down. Many women are listening to their biological clock and younger men are not one to mess with when looking for serious relationship.

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    • Ah yes, that may be true for most. I however am ready to settle down, I'm just annoyed at the tremendous double standard where age is concerned even for older men and younger women, not to mention I'm tired of playing games and don't just want an older woman for the sex, sex is a much more abundant commodity than commitment, trust, caring, affection, and understanding in a partner.

What Guys Said 4

  • To this, I can relate! Well, first off, they think that us young folk are too irresponsible, undependable, wild, and just -too- young. Women that old are in "settle down" mode and are most likely thinking that that's the last thing a guy so young would be wanting to do. And being "more experienced" in life, the older women, don't want to play "the game" anymore so they dismiss a younger guy. That and it makes them feel "old" or "odd" and no woman wants that. She'd probably have a wonderful conversation with you and give you her number, hear your age and take it back. Afterwards she'd probably talk with her friend(s) and say something along the lines of: "Girl, I met this guy. He was sweet, charming, and funny. The only thing is. He's 20 years old! " Her friend will most likely reply: "Aww! He's only a baby! " and they'll continue to talk about how they don't have time for "the games" younger guys "play". And there you have it.

    What YOU have to do is to try to get that lucky "break" and SHOW them that you're just not another "baby" waddling through life like other guys and that you're the real deal, despite how young you are. I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 26 so trust me. I know where you're coming from. I weaseled my way in, now she doesn't want to let go (not that I'm actually trying to get away ^_~)

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  • I would think women naturally want an older man. I'm not saying that there are exceptions, but I would believe the majority would find it hard to get into a relationship with a younger man. They may have sex, but I don't think women like to be reminded that they are older. Some women also view their men as a status symbol. They compare you to their friend's men. Is my man nicer? Does my man make more money? Does my man have a better looking body? If all their friends have a man who has a full time job I would think it would be unlikely that they would have a relationship with a guy in college.

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  • Maybe it's because your profile name is death. Just kidding, just kidding.

    Really dude, it may be that they are looking for someone who will provide for them and take care of them. And just because you're young may cause them to question that. It's very superficial, but that's the breaks sometimes. At any rate, you deserve a woman who will respect you for who you are, and that may take some time to develop. It may take the girls who are your age maturing and figuring things out before you see some real payoff there. Be patient and don't be discouraged. There are plenty of girls and women out there looking for mature, solid guys who know what they're about. It may just take a little time to find them. Besides, if they don't like you just for your age, then you don't need to waste your time with them. They're not worth the emotional investment.

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    • Haha, glad that someone knows what my name means other than myself, but I was going more for the incarnation of Death from the incarnation series starting with Riding a Pale Horse.

  • A 23+ year old girl is likely to be out of college at that age (or it's her last semester), whereas you are still in college. And if you have a job, then you probably can't pay for too much.

    So a girl who is out of college and has a job probably wants to date a guy who also has a job and who can support himself.

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