Ok so I've started casually dating a great guy. We've only been or 5 dates or so. no sex or even kissing yet. I told him that I'm kinda falling for him and that it'll be good to know how he feels before we drag it out for too long. He was sweet about it and told me that the feeling is mutual, but that he wants to take it really slow because of a previous experience. Question is, how slow is slow? We haven't seen each other in over 2 weeks, and we email back and forth every 3rd day... obviously I'm waiting for him to contact me when he feels like it... but its driving me nuts... is he just too soft to say what he really feels, or will he come around? Would a guys in general be honest and tell the girl if its not there instead of having a short chat every now and then to not hurt her feelings? I know I need to be patient, but I'm moving closer and closer to just giving up.
Most Helpful Guy
I have a few thoughts. They might not apply to your specific situation, but I think they'll be useful:
-This guy sounds very smart. He's trying to avoid the same mistakes he's made in the past, and he's deliberately working towards a different goal. Those are signs of insight, intelligence and discipline -- and those are all good traits in a partner. You sound fortunate to have met this guy.
-There's a possibility he's too soft to say what he feels. But also, what he feels might not be important, or might be a bad idea. if an alcoholic _feels_ like having a drink, for example, should he follow that impulse? Or should he learn to not speak about and act on every feeling?
- I think you're on the path that's most likely to lead to a healthy long-term relationship. Too many people rush into relationships and get wrapped up in each other too soon.
-Rushing into relationships can be addictive, because the emotions are so powerful. I wonder if you're accustomed to getting wrapped up in people too soon...
-However, if you're unsatisfied with the way things are, I don't think you're obligated to keep your mouth shut about it and feel frustrated. You have every right to say, for example, "I like you and I'm okay with going slow, but it sometimes feels a little too slow. What are your thoughts about seeing each other more often?" Perhaps you two can reach a compromise.
Good luck. I hope this helps!3