Are guys really marriage-phobic?

We all know that guys are stereotyped as being afraid of long-term commitments (ie marriage). Is this stereotype true?

Are guys really afraid of marriage?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I want a girlfriend, but deep down, I'm even afraid of that. To make that kind of commitment, I would have to be sure that I want to focus on her and only her for an unknown length of time. No, it's not forever, but what if I stop having feelings for her before she does for me? It would be unfair for me to remain in the relationship any longer, but breaking up could really hurt her. I would spend my whole relationship wondering whether I made the right choice and who will break up with who. To ask a girl to be my girlfriend, I'll have to be sure that I'm willing to put all other girls on hold for a while and that I won't want to end it for a relatively long time. All of that for just a girlfriend. For a marriage, on the other hand, a guy has to be 100% certain that no other girl anywhere on the planet that he will ever meet will ever make him as happy as the girl he intends to marry, and he has to be certain that that he won't want it to end ever, for the rest of his entire life. That has to be one really, really special girl, and it's pretty much impossible to be completely certain of whether a girl really is that special. It's also a huge, huge, huge responsibility, especially if children become part of the whole thing. So yeah, I guess I'm afraid of marriage. What I'm trusting is that when I finally do meet that really, really special girl, everything will just feel so right that I won't even have to think about it. I'll just know that I want her next to me every morning when I wake up, every night when I go to sleep, and every day in between.


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What Guys Said 8

  • Marriage is a woman's game in the end. There's really no benefit to a man in getting married. Everything that you get as a married man you can get (and probably more of) single. And I'm not just talking sex. I'm talking intimacy, companionship, friendship, laughter, fun, joy, happiness, and all of it. Most of us get married out of expectation. You may look forward to your wedding day from the time you're a little girl. But we men see it as just another step on the ladder of things we have to do in this life.

    Finish school

    Find a job

    Take a wife

    Buy a house

    Have some kids

    Raise the kids

    get promoted

    Work toward retirement

    Embrace the sweet release of merciful death :)

    Seriously, it's not that I'm not madly in love with my wife. But given the option, why would I choose to marry her if I didn't "have to"?

  • I'm not sure about most, but I'm 19, and I am getting married in 2 years. To be honest, from what I have seen, guys view marriage as a "mode." For many, it means growing up and facing facts, and living a new life. They take it seriously, but try to hold it back. This is a bit different for those who are religious and serious about their education and goals. I know for myself, and some of my friends (I'm ninenteen, my friends are 18-22), that the religious ones and the ones who try very hard in school, are either waiting to get a job before marrying, or marrying because they don't see why not. The thing is, they are all the "good kids" who are almost all virgins, never had many relationships by choice, and are great people all around. They view people and develop relationships more technically and will love someone deeply even if they view them as not completely attractive because in their heart, they feel right and will generally not get divorced. Most of the people I know who have been married for the longest time had very very few relationships and many were virgins, and the people I see with the most divorces, are those who were in many relationships or had lots of girlfriends and boyfriends and such. But, if you really truly click with the guy, and the guy views you as someone who thinks about the future, and he is confident you will always be there with him, he had better be thinking about marriage, otherwise, he may be trying to make sure there is no one "better" he can find. It is sad, but I have seen that as lot as well.

    Anyways, I have lived a different life from most people in our society, and I can tell you, I am 19, in college, graduationg and going to medical school in 2 years, but one of those good guys who has very good values, and is caring and will gladly share the work that goes with marriage and living together, I am a bit thin, but with confidence deep down and very good standards and a good personality, I honestly have my pick from most of the religious good girls I know, and many are attractive, and have never been in a relationship like myself. I actually am actually very close to getting engaged, which is why I am on this site, so, make it clear from the start what your intentions are, and if he isn't serious, he may float away, like several girls have from me.

    You know, one thing I think would work is, unless you would get married if you met Mr. Perfect right this second, don't get into any relationships. Because your mindset and mental state, will be apparent to any guy who accepts being with you, and you will most likely filter out those aren't serious right away, but there will be less to choose from.

  • I can't speak about all guys, just about the ones I know.

    I wasn't afraid (even if I'd seen some bad marriages)

    My brother married when their kids were 5 and 7

    My last girlfriend was knocked up intentionally by a guy who absolutely wanted to marry her.

    One of my friends met an abused girl and wanted to marry her. His father-in-law-to-be received him with a shotgun.

    They married nevertheless.

  • No. I would love nothing more than to have a happy marriage someday and can't wait til I find the right girl to marry.

  • yes. I am.

    im in my longest relationship right now and I'm trying to keep it that way,

    but honestly I'm terrified of commitment.

    ill grow out of it as time goes by but for now ill enjoy my youth.

  • Idk about everybody else but I'm petrified of it. I've already looked at the cost of a divorce for me right now and I'm early in my career and it's staggering. I know it sounds cold but more than half marriages end in divorce and I'm never home for more than a week at a time as is. My current rule is that if she starts receiving mail at my address it's time for me to make a life decision that I don't take lightly.

  • Untrue.

    Every relationship I have been in has been very long-term. Ended because she wasn't committed.

    I for one, want to get married in the near future and look forward to it. So no, it's an incorrect stereotype.

  • NO its just that most guys that are in a relationship with a girl get every benefit that marriage would give them without being married, so to get into marriage would be a sacrifice for the guy without any foreseen benefits.


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