Girls, if a guy is *too* big, is it off-putting?

I'm a big guy (6'6" and 270 lbs), though I'm not really a fat guy (I wear 36" waist pants). I played football for three years in college and naturally lifted weights to gain size for the sport. The problem is, I feel like my size often works against me in social situations. People I meet in new situations are usually very standoffish with me. This is especially true with girls. When I meet girls, they seem to assume that I'm maybe a malicious person or someone of whom they should be leery. I'm not the most talkative guy when I'm around new people, so I don't put on a big act or anything. Anyhow, I feel like a lot of the trepidation about me stems from my size difference with most other people. So girls, are bigger guys off-putting to you at all? Do we seem threatening?

Updates:
Ok, these responses are encouraging, but I guess that I'm doing something wrong in my approach with girls.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm very a small petite girl, 5'5" and 110 pounds. Very slender body and frame. Personally, I like "bigger" guys. Usually it's, the taller guys that I seem to really like, I don't really pay much attention to how much they weigh or anything... 270 lbs for a 6'6" sounds good, for your height. Now that I think about it, most guys I've dated were very skinny, but it honestly doesn't really matter that much to me. If I like someone, I like them for who they are.
    I do understand that some girls might be "afraid" to talk to you, that's probably because you're a lot taller and bigger than them. I know you said you aren't the most talkative guy out there, but maybe just smile? And ask them how they're doing. Be cool and chill, don't worry too much.
    Also, to answer your question "are bigger guys off putting to you at all?" for me, no. People need to get it out of their head that bigger guys are the bad one and shorter guys are the innocent ones. There are good and bad people everywhere, but your height or weight doesn't determine whether you're good or bad. That's just my opinion. :)

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    • Thanks. It does seem like there's a social barrier between me and the girls I really like. I do tend to like smaller girls, and they're the ones who seem most reticent around me, like maybe they think I'm likely to hurt them.

What Girls Said 105

  • I personally like big guys a lot.

    I feel like your issue would be more that women would think you are out of their league. I know when I have been on a dating site before and there was a really hot guy I didn't message him because I thought he was so hot and he couldn't possibly be interested in me so I felt like I would get rejected immediately.

    I think you have to indicate your interest a lot more then the average guy. A lot of females would probably find you very attractive but may have a similar thought process as me.

    To be honest as attractive as a tall guy is it probably also adds to the fear of rejection.

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    • I didn't realize that height was attractive enough to make a girl believe a guy was out of her league.

    • Well its not just height the guy I saw also had a really nice body.

      I don't know what you look like but being tall as a guy is a definite bonus.

      If you are tall, have a nice face and body that pretty much covers everything that women are physically attracted to.

  • Big guys do seem to be a bit more surly just standing around than your average person and I can believe it would intimidate some people. Personally, I'm actually more comfortable with bigger guys - don't ask me why, I just am. My advice is be willing to smile and laugh easy if you're around new women you want to put at ease. Sometimes, what you feel as anxiety in new social situations comes off as aggression simply because of your size.

    When approaching a girl, instead of leading with the 'Can I get you a drink?' (which seems like a nice gesture, but just as often is a game of 'do I trust this stranger enough not to spike my drink' and it's best to wait until she response positively to your presence.) Say you just wanted to introduce yourself, ask what brings her out that night/how she knows the hosts, etc, and lead with a humorous follow-up question like, "Now, I know it's always dangerous to get into politics at a party but: Are you a cat or dog person?"

    It helps put girls at ease when they can loosen up and get to know you before they have to make any 'do I trust him' decision. Also, it's a great way to make friends in general.

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    • Ok, that's very good advice, especially about the follow-up 'question.' I'm bad at meeting people in those situations. I've seen girls looking at me when I'm out, but I never knowhow to break the ice. My gfs have been girls I knew for years who started as friends.

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    • You seem really cool. Glad you posted here :-)

    • Glad to help!

  • Quite honestly , I'm very surprised. Big guys usually catch everyone's attention. I find myself very attracted to tall and broad guys. But yes, since big guys are also intimidating I guess if you are really reserved , most girls would be too scared to approach you :p
    My advice to you , lose the belief that your size works against you. not true. Many of us like bog guys cos we feel small and protected ( or maybe that's just me :p) your size is an advantage. Not a disadvantage.
    Second , consciously smile more. Make eye contact with a girl who interests you and smile at her. then go up to her and start talking.
    All the best. hope this helps :)

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    • Thanks, it does help.

  • Nope :) To me a guy that's big is amazing :) getting to wear big hoodies and cuddling is really nice, and if you seem like to throws people off about you make it a point to new people that your a nice person. I know you said your quiet, but a big smile and quick hug or somthing of the sort, mostly for girls, will show your not scary just cause your big :)

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    • I'm generally afraid to make physical contact because I think the girl will think I'm too forward or threatening.

    • Don't be :)
      They won't think so, it's just a really quick hug :) if you think they'll think your threatening don't move towards them super fast, maybe just hold your arms out for a quick hug :) it's cute

  • Apparently being a 6'6" Tall man is favored amongst women. Lol especially me, So, that being said, it's a very big bonus. But being tall will only help so much. Maybe you do need a different strategy to approach girls.

    Well I personally like it when guys DON'T come on too strong. I had a guy once confront me on the first day of class at a university and gave me his number. I would have maybe given him a chance if he pursued me by trying to sit by me the next time class met or something.

    Start with small talk. Try to talk to someone who you see at least more than once a week (at work, school, park, etc.) If you do this then it won't be as creepy if you approach her because she would have seen you before and it also gives you something in common (we work together so let's get lunch, we have class together so maybe we can have a study sesh, we go to the same park so maybe we can go for a walk or go for a run sometime)

    If you get caught staring at a girl don't look away awkwardly - keep the stare for a second then a little smirk or smile, then look back at your food, book, whatever and go on with your day. If you start with small things like this is will build your confidence and then you can go further by asking for a girls number or something. I hope I helped (: Good Luck, Sweetheart. ❤️

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    • I know there's more to getting a girl than just being tall. I'm just wondering if there's an upper limit to the height girls find attractive.

    • I didn't mean it as a bad thing at all. To me, there's really no upper limit because I'm tall myself. I'm 5'9 and a half. So, I like my men tall. Lol But results may vary between other women. But it seems like your height is not off putting to the other girls that answerd this. So you're good (;

  • I feel that big guys can come off as threatening, but if they are a more social/ not so overpowering as a person its fine. My first crush was a pretty big dude, but he was approachable and very non treating. I think you just have to be more careful to not come off as too overpowering, but that its not usually an issue if I make any sense? Like a bigger dude can easily seem more threatening than a thinner dude, but not so much so that its like a turn off or anything. :)

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    • I know, I've been told that I seem kinda threatening, especially when I'm not smiling. Thanks for your opinion.

  • I think bigger guys are cute. But being bigger also has a certain power and masculinity associated with it. So even if your slightly standoffish it's almost multiplied by 10.
    I have a friend who is a bigger guy and when approaching women or just people in general he tries to be extra friendly to show people there's nothing to be afraid of. Once they understand your not a threat they dot mind you

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  • I think that girls are naturally more intimidated by men with bigger builds simply because it means that they can overpower us more easily if put in a certain situation with them. Not every girl is the same, but most would probably be uncomfortable meeting you just because they aren't sure what your intentions may be. I would suggest smiling, having open body language, and trying to appear as least intimidating as you can possibly be. You have to work harder than most guys who do not have your build simply because girls are inclined to feel naturally more vulnerable with bigger guys, especially in terms of just getting to know someone and dating. I hope you can find a girl who accepts you just as you are, because you sound very nice. Good luck!!

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  • Personally, it would be slightly off putting because I do like tall guys but I'm pretty small. I'm 5'3 and my boyfriend is about 6 foot tall and the height difference makes things complicated. I can reach about his collarbone on my tiptoes and to kiss, he has to bend down a lot because I dislike being lifted up, s it's either him bending down or me standing on something. So if I was to date someone your size, it would be pretty impossible for me to actually kiss you as much as I wanted to :/

    But height isn't that important, I guess. Your height definitely wouldn't make me rule you out but it wouldn't be appealing to me. If you were a sweet guy, the height thing would be fine with me.

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    • I'm afraid lots of girls feel like you, that being with a guy as tall as me is awkward.

  • Personally I am more attracted to bigger guys. My dad is 6ft 5 so perhaps that's way.

    I can see why girls would find you a bit intimidating initially due to your height but you also mention that you can be a little quiet around new people. It's more likely to be the combination of your height and the fact that you don't advertise your personality = who is this guy / what's he about?

    If you are able to be a bit more talkative and show who you are, then girls will warm up to you and be more open towards you in my opinion.

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    • Thanks, that's good advice. I am reticent, because I often don't know what to say to girls, at least at first. I get more nervous talking to a 120-lb girl than I ever did playing football against 300-lb guys.

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    • Play on that then. Tell them you are tall as Superman (not sure how tall he is tbh) but you don't wear the suit much these days or the underpants are in the wash ! You've got good genes, use em to your advantage.

    • Thanks so much for your advice.

  • I thought this question waa going to be about dicks... :S

    No it's not off putting, bigger guys are fine :)

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    • Hahahaha... no, I honestly don't worry about that at all. I just feel like there's a major social barrier between me and girls because they seem "scared" of me in some way.

  • You seem good to me!
    Being tall and built is huge now. Girls love it! I don't know why they'd act this way towards you, maybe because they find you attractive, that could be reasoning as to why they hold back around you.
    All in all, I know a lot of guys who got your description but girls are interested in them and guys want to look like them.
    You shouldn't have anything to worry about (:

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    • Thanks, that's very sweet and encouraging.

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    • Okay well it seems like you're just a respectful guy. Most girls nowadays don't expect that, you know?
      I think your "game" is the good old fashioned way. All of my relationships have sprouted from friendships and needless to say they worked out great while we were together. You just have to find a girl not looking for an asshole (which plenty of girls are not) and talk, hang out with her, get to know her, basically do what you're doing.. and she may possibly start to see you as something more

    • I know. My 'game' isn't real successful. It takes a while to meet someone and form a relationship when you move as slowly as me. The only woman flirting with me right now is an older coworker lol.

  • If you're a little shy, it may be making girls think you're standoffish for a reason: you're too good for them?
    I'd be intimidated by your height and body type probably but if you smiled a lot and had good, open body language I'd probably swoon!

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    • I'm worried that my aloofness does send this message. It's just hard for me to know what to say to a girl I've just met without sounding like a total idiot. I'm not a natural pickup artist or anything.

    • Yeah that can be hard. I used to kind of be that way. Guys used to think I was stuck up because I was so shy. I had to make a conscious effort to adjust my body language and to smile more, and to make more eye contact. All of which is still really hard but it gets easier.

  • I think you just lack confidence (so do I, and most people).

    I'm 5'8, and my twin cousins are 6'4 :0 (whole family is tall)
    Tons of girls would say that you were their "type".. trust me.

    I think you need to just be more social maybe? Once people realize what a nice guy you are-they won't be so "intimidated" anymore :)

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    • Thanks. Yes, my confidence could use work, at least with girls. I'm more intimidated by a 120 lb girl than I ever was by a 300 lb lineman lol.

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    • lol not scared in that way.

    • I know... i was attempting to make a joke XD

  • Good and bad. It's really kinda funny, but being tall, I like tall guys. Too much taller, and I feel threatened/feel more helpless, and absolutely loathe that. Yet when you trust said taller individual, it's quite thrilling and attractive. Catch.22.
    Probably wouldn't be so bad if said tall guy is bubbly and polite, but it's easy to make a flash judgement call when you're around a quiet person who is much taller and better built than you, especially if you're only just meeting them.

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  • you already know you have this kind of affect on people, nothing wrong with you but it's understaible that people would see you like that, especially if you are quiet too. I would suggest you to show your 'soft' side to the girl you like. You can be quiet, but just try to when you get an opportunity send her very gentle vibe, I think that more you act 'caring' like that, people will start to see you as a big cuddly bear lol
    I mean, at the end of the day, just be yourself, when people spend a lot of time with you they will get what kind of guy you are even though you're quiet

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    • The problem is that 'soft' doesn't usually attract young women. Breaking through that initial barrier of mistrust is the hard part, and it's hard to do with women without putting myself in the "just a friend" category. Guys who are more successful with women seem to move very quickly. When I try to move quickly, I usually get a negative reaction from the girl I like.

    • well, it all depends what kind of girl you want. this issue now seems to be being friendzoned. I'm sick of guys complaining about that. You don't conquer a girl, she either likes you like that or not (I mean there are exceptions since there are all sorts of people but generally it's like I said). It often happens that you like someone and the other person doesn't like you back. That's just the way it is. It's hard to find a person that likes you as much as you like them. If girls don't like you based on your size then they are not worthy of your time. You wrote you like this short small girl. What that kind of small girl thpught she will never have a tall boyfriend cause he would feel awkward with her. Well, not all tall guys are like that. And so not all 'small' girls would think you're too big for them. You just gotta be lucky enough to meet that kind of person

    • No, please don't give me a lecture about friend zone and how it's lame. I'm not lamenting a girl's prerogative, I'm just trying to figure out how to meet a girl being a big guy who isn't the most outgoing person around. Like I've said to other posters, I feel like there's a barrier between girls and I that may be related to my size. I've been told I seem threatening, especially to small girls.

  • So approach really depends on the girl and the situation. As far as size goes I really think the biggest factor there is honestly media, mainly slasher movies where there is always a pretty big guy as the killer. Not saying people should associate that with real life but I do think that they tend to anyways. As far as approach the most pleasant thing you can do is smile and say hi in basically any situation.

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  • I think you're about the same size as my dad and he's not fat, just tall and big so I'm using that as my visual. No, that's not a turn off to me and I'm not intimidated by it. I'm 6'1" though so that's probably why. I'd expect a guy to find my height more off putting, lol.

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    • Wow, you are tall. I'm sure your dad is huge. My mom is only 5'8".

  • Wouldn't put me off at all! It may depend on the girls you're dealing with and the situations you are meeting them in.

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  • Well... you don't seem that huge. You seem like a hunk of a guy - which is good.
    I'd like you. =)
    Feel damn safe around you too... Haha

    But - your approach and the way you behave before and after you meet a person is key. First impression is almost everything, since people sometimes don't give others the opportunity for a second one.
    Try to relax.
    Being relaxed does wonders for you - and for your social life.
    ^-^

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  • I hate to say it, but personally I'm a bit intimidated by big tall guys, especially the athletic type. I guess it should be fine after getting to know you, but before that I'd feel too defenseless? And most athletic guys I tend to see as players too and since that's not what I'm looking for...

    Still I think I'm in the minority and I'm not American either.

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    • Yeah, most girls think any guy who works out and cares about being muscular is a player. For me it's more about feeling comfortable in my own skin and wanting to get noticed by girls. Guys have to compete pretty hard for the best girls, because every guy wants to be with an attractive girl.

  • I'm 6 feet tall and I'm all about building human walls when I'm walking down the hall, so you can bet we'd hang out.

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  • i have a friend who is 6'6, i don't mind because it makes me feel really save and girls love that. in fact we love tall guys. often times it makes ya wonder what else is tall. i think height is a good thing and unless you're an actual mean person we probably wouldn't think that just bases not he fact that you're tall.

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  • The guy I have been with the past 5 years is 6'6" and weighs about the same as you. He is the biggest teddy bear I have ever met. He can be mean at times but he isn't threatening to me at all. Maybe other guys? But when I first met him I wasn't threatened at all by him. I'm more threatened by tall "slanky" guys. They are mostly assholes (to me anyways) hope this helps!

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  • I am 5.2 , definitely don't find guys that are bigger off putting :) xx it's fun to have a taller guy :P the thing is, people will always judge you no matter what /: and that's a really shitty part about life. But definitely not off putting :) xxx

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  • No not at all, I jus think it's preference, I'm a tallish girl and are attracted to tall big guys but only ever seem to get hit on by medium/short guyys but I don't think your doing any thing wrong it's just some girls like big guys some don't And you just gotta believe in yourself , , be yourself and in time I'm sure a lot of ladies will be feeling you.
    Girls love a genuine guy :)

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  • Tbh... I think it's adorable ^.^ it's like a giant teddy bear~ even if you're not overweight Idc it reminds me of teddy bears and I just want to hug people like that just ^.^

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  • i don't have a problem with big guys, I'm 5'4, i have a problem with fat guys. you said you played football and lift weights so you actually do something.
    i understand the fact that when you meet new people you don't wanna talk to them (i do the same thing, really shy)
    you may look intimidating, but you have to be friendly (i know its hard) so that people don't get the wrong impression about you.
    most of the girls (i know) reaction when you mention football player will be to come running to you...

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    • Hahaha, well, there were groupies around when I was playing football. Not down with that.

      I have a problem with being a fat guy. I work hard not to be one. I had friends who left football and ballooned up because they were still eating big but stopped training. I was determined not to let that happen, but I still wanted to stay big. I'm not into being ultra lean because it's too hard and I don't think it's all that important. Girls seem to like big shoulders, chests, and arms more than perfectly defined abs, anyhow.

      I think girls (and people in general) do get the wrong impression of me because I'm quiet and big. It usually takes people a while to figure out that I'm not a bad egg and warm up to me. Girls seem to think I'm a player, which is not even close to who I am.

    • If a girl really likes you she'll make sure to let you know, and you work out so that's always good.
      You're big and look intimidating but don't let that stop you from meeting new people

  • I don't find it off putting I like taller bigger guys... They give you more to cuddle up to. Size should never matter and you shouldn't feel like it makes girls not like you cause trust me some girl totally dig big guys...

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  • Bigger guys make me a little uneasy- because I'm afraid he may hurt me. But that is only on my mind for a second, if I speak to him and he is nice then I no longer care about his height or looks. Bigger guys can be really attractive!

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