Why can't I get a date? IS it because I'm too shy?

i don't really talk many strangers unless I really have too and I don't really put my self out out there so could that be the problem?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Don't worry, it may take time but some one will notice you.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yes.

    Most people are so busy dealing with their own insecurities, they don't have the time to ease you out of your shell. It's up to you to at least let them know you're interested in being approached.

    Eye contact and smiling are imperative external cues of appearing cordial. You don't have to have a death ray stare, just a glance to let people know you are aware of them, coupled with a smile to show you are friendly.

    As an introvert myself, I too find it hard to start and maintain conversations. I used to get sweaty palms, butterflies, stuttering, and a blank mind - the whole works. In high school I was considered a snob, and as a young adult I was considered a bitch because my communication skills were sorely lacking.

    So I practiced. Went to the out and made eye contact with complete strangers. Smiled until my face hurt. If approached, I forced myself to make small talk and learned to extricate myself graciously when the anxiety became too much. There are many explanations for my problems, but the main one was I was afraid of what people thought of me. Learning to accept who I was and how I was helped with that, because I no longer needed validation to understand I was just fine.

    I'm still a little turtle in public, but I enjoy being in the fringe of things instead of right in the middle. I have friends who throw themselves right into the meat of things, and that helps as well. Being introduced was much less stressful than taking on a crowd of strangers myself.

    As soon as you just start trying, honey, you don't even have to succeed immediately, you'll see that people aren't as bad as you thought they were. Most people are open to conversation, most people are nicer than they are given credit for. Everyone has their own baggage their dealing with, no matter how popular or out going they seem. Basically, we deal with things our own ways - understand and accept that and you will be fine.

    Good luck.

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