So I never want to fall in love again, I can get through life with casual relationships?

So I am done believing I will eventually find love. And for all you romantics ( I am one too), I have been rejected my whole life. Guys who even showed all the right signs and acted loving, would bail once things were heading towards a relationship. I have never been interested in flings and have actually never messed around. I was always a good girl. I wanted to share something with the right guy but now I don't care anymore. I give up and even if someone likes me, I warn him to not fall in love with me because I definitely won't. If the chance arises of falling in love (from my end), I'll walk away from the situation. I do however want something, I have been single almost my whole life and only had one boyfriend (a miracle). I'm beautiful so I know I can get attention from guys quite easily and I'm tired of being selective and going for the good guys because even they don't want me as their girlfriend. After self-improvement, introspection, talking to semi-exes about their reasons for not wanting me..I give up! I was always open and honest towards love but I just don't want to go through it again. So I want to go through life having flings and maybe eventually settle down with someone who is a good friend (with similar thoughts) and also wants children. I love children and always dreamt of having a loving husband and many kids but life has shown me that I am always the single friend no matter what and I am tired of fooling myself. So I choose to be practical, I just wonder if anyone else is like me? All my friends are in happy relationships, I am happy for them and love to see that it is possible even if I am not worthy of it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow... I feel for you , been there... still am. Its much harder to be a good person , dont just give up , you are better then that! It seems like the neighbours grass is always greener , but its not and causal sex is not going to make a person like you happy , trust me I tried it myself.

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    • Are you sure? I think it could be more fun than all the other crap we go through :P. I gave up before too, then this perfect guy came along. Said and did everything right, stood by me for a year. I thought since a year had passed, and he finally kissed me, I could ask where it was going. Clearly nowhere. I'm a little tired of it, but I'm glad you won't give up. I sometimes wish I still had hope

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    • Yes I understand what you meant ;). I have taken a break from dating since forever :P, I am now thinking of finally just having fun and being casual. I don't need to keep hoping for something I know won't happen.

    • Well if you do go down that road , then yes , nothing won't happen. Happiness comes from the inside , from you , who you are and where are you going. You should be happy by yourself and then any relationship would only be just a bonus. I get the frustrations , but with this casual think... it probably isn't you and is going to make you very miserable. Just think very carefully what you gonna do , give it a day or two before doing something you might regret.

What Guys Said 3

  • I know how this feels but you can't just give up. I haven't and neither should you. If you do then all is pretty much lost for what you wanted. Sometimes its a matter of just letting go and concentrating on yourself / career / getting your life in order then things will happen. What im starting to do. Then maybe ill find that right woman for myself.

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    • Thats really good! I have done that for years and I am doing really well in other aspects of my life. I am living healthy, pursuing a phd and reaching amazing heights etc. I also am objectively beautiful, so its something about my personality. i worked on improving myself, but I'm tired. I am as good as I have always wanted to be and I am improving myself for myself. I gave up because I have been constantly rejected, I am tired of being shown how unworthy I am of becoming someone's girlfriend. If this is the case.. then why should I bother right?

    • Should continue to try because maybe as edison said... he didn't fail 2000 times to make a light bulb rather found 2k ways not to make one.

  • How many guys have you dated? There are still plenty of guys willing to settle down with a woman. Maybe you're just not looking at the right places. It's sad to be so cynical.

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    • I'm not cynical, I don't think all men are jerks and I love to see all the healthy relationships around me (e. g my own parents). But I have been rejected my whole dating life. The one boyfriend I had, well I was just in it because he was good looking and really loved me a lot... it took me a while to realise that since he was my first boyfriend and I was inexperienced. After that, almost every guy pursues me but some openly admit they want a fling and nothing serious and the few who seemed serious actually said they ddin't want a relationship (once things were heading in a good direction). So I kind of already know, when a guy pursues me or asks me out that he will like me for a while and leave when it starts to become a relationship. Had I had even one good relationship, I would think ok I have done it before so its possible. But I'm almost 27! I'm the only one who is always single among all my friends, I think I gave it enough chance and I don't want to be in that situation again.

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    • How can you trust anyone else? Because there are many good, decent people that you haven't met. You're only exposed to 0.000001% of the population in this world. It only takes one to convince you otherwise. All I'm saying is don't give up the opportunity if it presents itself to you. I don't know what types of guys you are into and what your dating habits are. Maybe you have had bad luck in meeting guys.

    • Yeh fair point, I'll try to do that. Lets see if I would be able to. I think it would take a lot, and no guy in his sane mind would bother convincing me :P. I usually like shy guys, they are usually nice guys. I wish they were bad guys but they aren't so I can't blame them. They just don't want a relationship with me, I don't know what it takes a guy to want to go there with a girl since I have never had that

  • were on the same page.

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    • So how do you go through your days? Happy with yourself? I am getting there.. but I don't really know how to go about it

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    • Ten years single now

    • And you still have some bad days? Hmm.. I hope I get used to it now that I have decided how I want to continue.

What Girls Said 3

  • throwing in the towel already eh?

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    • yup..

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    • well keep that up.. you're bound to find someone. Hey, I get rejected too. But it doesn't stop me from hoping and wishin and... wait is that a song? :).

    • Haha not sure!

  • same thoughts!
    first bf: cheated
    second bf: no chemistry
    third kind of bf: lack of interest
    in between those i was sometimes in love (although i am very picky as well) and it never worked out :(
    i am/was in love but now we are borh on exchange and i think he just sees me as a friend :(
    made a deal with my male bestie: when we are both over 40 and not married yet we will get each other and have great kids

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  • What reasons did your semi-exes give for not wanting a relationship with you?

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    • yeah good question.. i want to know too

    • Are they ever honest? the last guy gave a billion excuses so I have no clue what it was, to simplify it I just think they didn't like me enough. I believe if a guy likes a girl, he will commit to her. They do everything, they make plans, pursue, keep in touch, show consistent behaviour and intentions. When things are moving along fine, they decide they don't want it. I'm not clingy, needy etc. I am easy-going and always make sure to keep my life next to a relationship or whatever those are. But I am also available and I open up, I mirror the guys' behaviour. The guy before that also said "we're not on the same page". I let him go saying ok thank you, he returned and we started dating. Things didn't end well, he keeps returning but that was 2 years ago and I moved on.

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