IS SAVING YOURSELF TILL MARRIAGE SO WRONG?

Hi everyone, Here I am again, asking for your help... So my boyfriend and I are 1 month together and are having a wonderful relationship. We meet eachother at least once a week and usually go to the city, do sports or recently he came to my house (twice) and I've been to his place once (but not long). Well, everything was fine and we just talked, made out and enjoyed being together. But the last time he came to my place (after spending the afternoon in the city), my parents were home and so they could get to know eachother a bit better. We talked for quite a while. Afterwards we decided to go to my room and maybe watch a movie (being alone without my parents beside). We cuddled and well did the same thing as always till he suddenly wanted more... He tried several times to get his hands into my pants and under my shirt. he tried that once already but I told him not to. But is it disrespectful of him to still try though I said no or is it just because guys can't control themselves in such a situation anymore? And all of a sudden he said to me he was ready if I am too.. you know what I mean.. i tried to ignore it and so we just made out and well i guess we kinda "did it" with our clothes still on... It would have been the first time for both of us but sometimes I wonder why he's doing everything as if he has done this many times before...(?) Anyway, after that we had a serious talk about this. After I told him that I would want to safe myself for marriage he ( I would say) didn't quite like the idea... He said he'd give me all the time I need but he doesn't believe in doing it after marriage since it doesn't make sense to him... We are still very intimate and he hasn't changed since than but do you think this relationship could last and do you guys think that he would still stay with me even if he'd have to wait for this? He treats me respectfully in public and private and I always feel like a princess around him so there's nothing wrong with that...


0|0
10|22

Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly in my opinion I think many many people get lost in sex once they start. Its easy to do once and hard to turn off. Many people start to use it as a way to avoid problems. I actually lost a girl I was seeing awhile back because I wouldn't sleep with her. I have no problem sleeping with anyone but she was clearly using sex and cheap relationships to avoid anything serious and not work through older issues she had. Back to you it is disrespectful of him to to keep trying and no its not wrong that you said no and want to wait. He is a teen boy and in that situation it is going to be hard for him to control himself, but not impossible and he still should. As tough as this will be I think you should end things, there are other nice guys out there who will treat you like a princess. You and this guy seem to have very very different views on something extremely important. That is not going to change and in the long run its only going to slowly erode your relationship. He will either get you to have sex which you are clearly not ready to do nor do you want to or you will get sick of him trying and end it anyway. You matter more than anyone and staying with him is going to make you do things you will hate yourself for.

    2|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 21

  • first off I want to applaud what a wonderful & strong woman you are to do so... a woman like you is not easy to find what so ever & is considered a diamond for the lucky man that gets to marry her.. so you should be very proud of yourself..

    to be honest, a gentleman never forces himself on anyone so the fact that he kept trying after you insisted not to do so is already a red flag... referring to your statement that he is a gentleman in public someone once said it's easy to be nice & fun when things are going well... but a true man's character is judged by what he does when things don't go the way he wants it...

    speaking from personal experience I've had relationships with girls & I don't initiate any sort of sexual behavior with them because I also believe in saving myself for marriage (even though I've failed many times) & for some weird reason whenever we have sex, I find myself losing all emotion & respect & love for her in my heart. (I never show it to the girl but I can feel that I'm just not as excited to see her anymore)..

    I applaud anyone, man or woman, that is still fighting to save themselves for the special person they marry someday... trust me when I tell you SEX IS NOT SPECIAL AT ALL outside of marriage...

    if you do decide to dump him & wait for that special person, then it will feel like you're missing out but you'll really just be saved for that right person who's even better! so trust that God has many wonderful things for you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't think your relationship is going to last 😐... he has given you a clear indication that he does not believe in waiting till marriage... so I think somewhere down the line he is gonna breakup... but if he respects you enough then he will stay with you...
    And yup there is nothing wrong with waiting till marriage... it shows that you are not a hoe that sleeps with 100 men...😊 and most guys also like women like you if you have a interesting personality...😉

    3|1
    0|0
  • I personally say that you should want to have sex when you feel like you're comfortable enough with being in the relationship with the person enough that you are willing to do so. Like, if you do want to have sex, then by all means.

    But I will NEVER understand why people link it to a bureaucratic paper-signing event and two rings and all that jazz. I believe it's quite dishonest that someone would tell you "sure, I love you and all, but the only way I will ever be willing to have sex with you is if you sign this piece of paper and paid 500$ on rings".

    I personally say 6 months into a relationship up to a year of waiting is reasonable, if you guys aren't at each others' throats yet then go for it. Marriage is literally just bureaucracy. The only thing it changes is that if you want to break up, you'll also have to pay for the paperwork to get divorced.

    1|1
    4|1
  • No it's a very noble thing to do. It's very honourable and shows great respect for your husband. However!

    If you don't get married and your just getting older, your personality I notice will be slightly incomplete, it will affect you mentally. You see women did this a long time ago BUT they also got married very young. So they had sex when there bodies started having those feelings or not too long after.

    Waiting years and years, I personally notice women like that are somewhat emotionally broken.

    it's a big part of you and Going 15 years with no sex until your 33 would make you a little incomplete as a person and it will reflect in your personality

    0|1
    0|0
  • First off it is only natural that he wants to get in your pants while you cuddle and make out. What did you expect?
    Seconds off, you're saving yourself for marriage. Thats fine, nothing against it. But you only know this guy for a month. You can't expect him ager only a month to say ''yeah thats a great idea, we'll get married first!''. That would scare any guy off. These things need time.

    2|0
    0|0
  • the process of one thing leading to another is hard to stop, its probably like 50%.
    Your BF should respect your decision when you said NO.

    If you don`t want to go through another situation like that I suggest don`t spend so much time alone.

    Saving yourself to till marriage is something good and encouraged in most cultures. If he doesn`t respect your decision then he won't give you a say later in your relationship down the line. So he has to respect you fully and not partly.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Okay, this is tough because of your age. I will admit to getting very handsy with women and this is the truth; no doesn't always mean no. At least not until they actually say "no, I don't want to do this". Did you really say no or were you just like "stop it, tee hee hee" like some girls do? Either way, don't do anything you don't want to do. It isn't wrong to abstain. It isn't wrong to be a ho. Whatever is right for you. Think it over. Make your choice. Let your choice be known and if he doesn't respect that leave him for someone who does.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You will be MORE attractive to MEN if you keep it in your pants. The more you sleep with different guys the less they value you. please don't give it up to some guy you more than likely won't be dating in a year anyways.

    1|2
    0|0
  • If you're wanting to wait, good for you. Why does it matter what others think? As for your bf, if he can't respect your wishes, give him warnings that you'll leave him.

    I've been there before, and my gf at the time let me feel her breasts, and see her in her bra, but that was the furthest it went.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No I isn't, but unfortunately today it's all about rushing into sex and sleeping with loads of people and complaining about slut-shaming while we have increasing STIs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions and divorce.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's actually an outstandingly good idea to do that and the science agrees with it, even if it's not PC to say so it is the truth.

    1|0
    0|0
  • What @sailorjupitor said. It's your body and only you know what's right and wrong for you.

    Tell the b/f straight up. If he tries that again, it's time to leave.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Well imma lay this out her bluntly, saving yourself for marriage is like having a dog that you never play with and keep chained up in the back yard one day he's gonna get loose and you will never see him again. I can assure you that probably 90% of the guys out there even if they dont sleep around will leave you for someone thats sexually active. The "Oh im saving my self for marriage" bit is usually used for two reasons. Reason 1: They're scared to have sex Reason 2: they dont want their parents thinking they're "loose" or sleep around. But as far as you two not fucking is concerned if you keep denying his advances eventually he is gonna go elsewhere

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can do what ya want, your choice, has nothing to do with me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I did not read the explanation but did read the question itself.

    It is a fact that sex is an important part in a married couple. Marriages have fallen apart because the sex is either bad, lacking, or the couple has completely different taste regarding sex.

    Holding on for sex until marriage is your choice and you are free to do so. But consider that you are still to find out what's behind that door, may be a prize, may be not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No it's not wrong but it's wrong doing it the other way around, sex before marriage.

    0|2
    0|0
  • You should be proud of saving yourself, u should keep on this and try to convince him I mean girls should be treated like princesses not like whores, u r doing the right thing.

    1|0
    0|0
  • of course there is no bad thing to save yourself until marriage. dont listen your bf and just focus what u believe. if he really loves you, then he respect. this situation is a real indicator of whether he loves u.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Nothing wrong in it, its your life basically

    1|0
    0|0
  • Waiting is good. One month i. A realtionship is nothing. He should back off if he cares about you but he may care about sex more than you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's clearly a personal choice, so there is no right or wrong that applies to all people. I would suggest, though, that for the people who DO plan to save themselves for marriage, they should really shoot to figure out who they will marry soon and should marry younger than those not saving themselves for marriage, since sex while young is a life experience you only get one chance at and only for a limited time. You of course can and will have sex when you are older too, but it's not the same thing and it's definitely worth experiencing both.

    0|0
    1|0

What Girls Said 10

  • i'm 26, and I'm still a virgin, just like you, I want to be pure and save it for my husband. I'm not against anyone about this, for me it is our choice and all of my boyfriend (ex also) respected it. If they can't understand or respect it (yeah some are against it honestly as they want to have you), you need to talk about it with your boyfriend about this, deeply. if he can't accept it, I'm not sure, it's for you to decide, most men will respected it and wait for you to be ready if he really love you.

    3|1
    0|0
  • I think you should do it if you feel ready. Maybe it's before marriage, maybe after. I think marriage shouldn't be totally involved in such thing. But that's my opinion. If you want to wait till marriage because of religious reasons then that's fine. You could ask your parents' opinion about it. Understand if he might wants to break up with you because he wants to have sex and you don't, you should respect that.
    But for now, do what feels right. Don't do things you'll regret and just have fun together.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you wait until marriage that could be anywhere from 6 months to 8 years. If he can't control himself after one month I think you should break up with him. He also did not respect your wishes when you said no.

    0|0
    0|0
  • First of all there's nothing wrong with saving yourself til marriage. And if he really loves you than he will wait and well you also have to understand that he's a guy and guys have needs to you can kinda understand why he keeps attempting to have his way with you. Well good luck and hope everything works out.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Look, If a guys trying to force what he wants on you than he's not the right one. Don't let anyone persuay you if this is what you want, if he's trying to put his hands down your pants and you told him you wanted to wait then he is disrespecting you. Also your only 17, most people know that it's rare to still be dating a highschool sweetheart in college or to get married and he's trying to get it now so to me it still seems selfish of him even though he treats you like a princess...

    0|0
    0|0
  • It isn't wrong or right.
    But your partner need to be on the same page as you. Many people prefer to get laid before marriage.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I believe in saving myself for marriage also. So truth is.. if that is what you want and if its so important to you go and find it in someone else, so you don't have to have these problems.
    But if you want to have sex with your boyfriend then do it. Because their is no harm in finding out for yourself what you really want.
    I think that is nice he treats you like a princess. I want to find someone who treats me like a queen lol.

    0|0
    0|0
  • saving space is so wrong

    0|0
    0|0
  • Of course it's not wrong, it's your body and your choice alone. You can stay a virgin forever if that's what you want. I just personally think it's ridiculous.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its not wrote wrong, its better for the relationship and if guys push you into sex sooner... well they like the sex... not you entirely.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...