I'm 17 and he is 42?

So I like this guy a lot, we get along and age is not a problem for him.. do you think it's wrong or it will never work? and I don't have daddy issues

Updates:
Thanks guys for the advices!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean, he's only 2.5 times your age.

    Sugar daddy time! Have fun dealing with erectile dysfunction!

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What Guys Said 54

  • It won't work

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  • I hate to be a naysayer but I'm 33 and I don't see how I could have a relationship with a 17 year-old. let's forget the fact that in most places it is completely illegal, the biggest issues to me is that two people nearly 30 years apart in age are simply different people. they (should) do different things, see life differently, have different life experiences and see life from a totally different perspective.

    A 17 year old simply doesn't have the experience necessary to date someone that much older

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    • Yeah plus that I haven't even had a boyfriend yet.. sadly it won't work. :( thanks

    • I imagine in the very rare situation this kind of thing may work but generally it doesn't and it being your first relationship I would really suggest that you not pursue this.

  • speaking from observations...

    older men only want younger women for a couple of reasons...

    1) arm candy, show off that they can still get a young girl

    2) sex.. sex... & sex...

    3) control the girl, older women tend to be a pain in the butt for these men so they think that it's easier with a younger girl because she won't be against anything he says since he's older...

    do you really want to spend your precious time with someone like that?

    God made you for someone even better.. regardless of what you think or people say to you, you are precious, beautiful, smart, funny, & kind...

    are you going to waste your precious energy, emotions, & being on someone who only wants you to fulfill his own selfish desires?

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    • Thanks.. yeah I know.. he's selfish and he's playing me. I can't BELIEVE I let myself go. But I know now at least it's not too late.

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    • Thank you, that is so sweet. I'll remember that.

    • haha you're welcome. I'm glad. good luck! :)

  • he's going to pass away WAYYYY before you do. also its going to look totally weird in society. people are going to make assumptions about you two. that gap is just fucking huge. I've never seen something like that successfully work out before.

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  • if you both like each other, then age difference is NO prob basically

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  • LOL!!! hahahahaha The world is crazier than I thought! Age is not a problem for him. Of course it isn't. If I wanted to get in your pants I would say the same thing. You can't get more naive. Go on girl, it will wok. Don't worry. You won't hurt your feelings in no way.

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    • Why is it that because he's older that suddenly turns in into he wants to get in someone's pants? Have you ever heard of the term the squeaky wheel gets the grease?

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    • @TripleAce. Correction it may be about 99% sex when it comes to you but you should never speak to someone else's actions when you haven't even met them much less know them. When you do that called falsely accusing and or judging. And finally maybe I'm wrong but are there any 17 year old's having pj parties are that hasn't shown adult level of maturity without having some form of mental challenges? Maybe you can name some that I'm not aware.

    • I can't believe we're even discussing this.

  • The problem is there is a rule or law and he ignores it. Age is a factor because he ignores the rules. A simple rule but speaks volumes to his thinking. Something is wrong with him.

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    • :/ thanks, I bet he's a psycopath or smth. I'm so blind

  • You wouldn't be posting on here if it didn't bother you in SOME way. Don't date a guy whose twice your age. You need to think why isn't he dating someone closer to his age? Something must be wrong with him in some regard if he can only date girls who aren't even 18 yet... DON'T waste your YOUTH on him... don't

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  • You should probably wait until you're eighteen for legal reasons. I'd also probably think he's a bit too old for you. That isn't a definite I'm just talking about what seems likely.

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    • Yeah I'm just worried if he really likes me or wants to take advantage of me.

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    • Okay thanks, your advice is very helpful. I'll try my best to be careful and everything.

    • Yeah I mean in the past it was acceptable but nowadays many decent guys who would consider doing it are probably scared away from it because of social repercussions. That isn't to say they aren't out there you just need to be aware. All right! Good luck.

  • I'm 26 and even I wouldn't date a 17 or 18 year old - it's too close to being a kid to me, and there is no way we could relate personality-wise.

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  • My rule would be if they're double your age and over, don't try it.

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    • Fuck it then, I'm not gonna try it.

  • It's not going to work out. Sorry.

    Also as a little girl if you don't feel somewhat odd being with a 42 year old man, you might be the one with bigger issues.

    I bet you have a hard time finding guys your own age so your going for easy targets, older folks

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    • Actually he came to me, and I liked the way he is for his personality. I've never even been with a guy but thanks I know it's wrong now.

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    • True lol, I don't know how to explain it but he has this ''you're the one but let me touch you'' thing he does. Yes I will be careful, I'm so aware now.. I'll ignore him and won't call him, text him or whatever. My eyes are opened.

    • Yea lol, Clearly he's trying to get his dirty paws on you lol

      Keep your dignity and move on from this madness :)

  • You by law are not an adult!!! This is not appropriate. Hang with guys around your age.

    And what is this guy doing around 17 year olds? Seems pretty wrong to me.

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    • We met at the airport when I was picking up my mom. And yeah I know.. it's very wrong. I should've known

  • I'm sorry, but what the hell would a 42 year old man want anything to do with a girl that is still developing throughout her life? That's pretty creepy.

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  • It won't work

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  • He's 4 times your age it won't work...

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  • daddy issues?

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  • Wait till your the age of consent, till him if he truly loves you he should wait till you are old enough to date him. It's for your own safety.

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  • lol. doesn't work of course and if there is no problem for him, there is a definitely problem with him

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  • Lol Damn guys that age can still get it up just keep some viagra close by xD

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    • lmao stop it we haven't done anything yet

    • Just looking out for a little girl xD

  • It's wrong. Is he pedophile?

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  • In all honesty I do not think it would work very well. Also it might impact your relationships with your friends and family. If you want to date an older guy I suggest looking for a 22 rather than a 42. This has a more realistic long term outlook.

    Also, the above only applies if the age of consent where you live is 17 or under.

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  • That's literally like dating your father, a definate no, it's a horrid idea.

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  • We're talking about true love here LMFAO. That's disgusting

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  • No young lady
    Sorry to say it won't work.
    Age difference is too much. You guys can never settle for same things in life.

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  • You have something going on unless you have some sort of genius plan to work your way backwards from older men to younger men when you turn forty two.. first where are you from?

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    • Yeah.. I don't know yet. I'm from Europe

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    • Really? :( than I would be devastated if he's trying to take advantage from me. I guess you're right.. i just dont know what to do. Scandinavia

    • your above the age of consent, your always at a disadvantage with someone your older than or theyre younger than you. You have a better chance at recieving mutual feelings from someone thats your age.

  • First I would strongly consider whether 17 is legal where you are. If it's legal does he make you happy? Then take it from there.

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    • It's not here. The legal age here is 20. Ok thanks for the advice

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    • So sir, your 50 why would you want to date a young women that's 18? Can you even keep up with her, she's going to want to do things that your old body can't evn do

      How is connecting on a personal level? But there's one thing I bet you do want, that's her young fresh body

    • @TripleAce Correct I'm 50 and the guy she was talking about is 42 and I'm not even sure he uses this site. Could it be possible that you have us mixed up?

  • holy hannah... thats one hell of an age gap. i doubt it will work. they almost never do

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    • Yes I know... I know it will never work. :((((

  • IF you have to ask if this was appropriate then it speaks volumes about you and your intelligence level.

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  • At some point you will wake up though.

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What Girls Said 43

  • I do think it's wrong and it most likely won't work. I know you feel like a well rounded person right now who knows what they want and who they are but honestly, you still have a lot of self discovery to do and it's very easy to let someone mould you into a mini version of them. It's also very easy for a 40+ man to manipulate a young 17 year old, which often takes place. He knows you're young and naive, he knows you'll be complicit about things and he knows he can influence you. You should also question why a 42 year old man feels the need to date a 17 year old, maybe he knows women his age won't be interested in him for a reason you haven't seen or aren't aware of yet.

    I know people say "age is just a number" but that's often about people who are actually adults (like 21+), dating someone older than them or women who date men younger than them. It's basically saying to break those social norms that the man has to be older than the woman. The saying doesn't condone paedophilia which is what you're border-lining. Most people would not agree with it, especially your parents who know more about the real world than you do.

    Me and my ex broke up a month ago, my ex was nearly two years younger than me and we broke up because we felt we got together at the wrong age, he wanted to party, live life to the full, he wasn't ready for commitment and wanted to experience new things whilst I was more ready to settle down. He was just 18. I'm turning 20 next month and I'm still learning about who I am and I don't know what I'm going to do in life. I recommend you get with someone who's in a similar life stage as you and is of a similar age.

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    • Thanks for the advice and story. Yeah I think so, I don't know what got me really.. I think he manipulated me, good thing we never did anything. Now I'm aware of the situation a bit better. And yes he is 100 times more experienced than me, I haven't even kissed!

  • That's disgusting af. It will never work.

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  • Errrm... Reaaaaaaalllly don't think that's a good idea.

    There's nothing saying it won't work but nothing saying it will work.

    It's up to you but I don't think it's the best of plans myself. Purely because you're going to be going to school/getting your first job/maybe considering children/going out partying and socialising, and he'll be making mortgage and pension payments. You just aren't in the same place in life.
    Generally speaking with any large age gap, I'm always surprised they work, but it requires two people to be in a similar point in life.

    As an example, my best friend is 28 and she's dating a 21 year old. She has Crohns Disease and cannot work full time, so she wants to stay at home and party and be a housewife. He wants to go to work and start a career and have someone to come home to who's cooked him dinner. So it works.

    I'm just saying that given your ages (and no other information) it won't work based on stereotypes.

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    • And there's the other thing of "mum, dad, meet my boyfriend!" *boyfriend is dads age*. They won't be best pleased.

    • Yes, thank you for the advice and story.. you are more than right.

    • You're welcome. Not saying you can't date older men but bare in mind what you want in life and if it's similar. My ex was 9 months older than me but a lot less mature - he wanted to be a 15 year old even though he was 21. My boyfriend now is 4 years older but is looking for the same things from life right now.
      Age differences can work, just keep your head up :)

  • Oh shit... it doesn't sound like something your family's going to like at all. Also, what the hell can you see in a man that much older than you? Please, don't think I'm hating - you know, live and let live - but you can't have much in common. If it's anything beyond just a physical relationship you'll probably have a lot of issues with such a big age difference. Just my take on it, though. I wouldn't want one of my daughters involved with a man old enough to be their father. Its just... creepy.

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    • Also, isn't that illegal?

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    • yeah it is

    • This guy sounds like a sick pervo. Stay away from him. Any guy that'd want someone that much younger is probably really messed up. I'm like 99% positive that he can't get women his own age so he's being a slimeball and trying to take advantage of you. Tell your dad and let him kick this guy's ass.

  • People here speak of 'legal reasons' and shit, but age of consent varies around countries. In the UK it is 16, for instance.

    That aside, it might work out - but it is unlikely to. There is a large age gap that would make it difficult for it to work. He is more experienced in life than you are and men choose younger women for various reasons but it usually isn't a good thing, sadly. If he loves you for who you are and not your age then that is good, but be aware that he might just want someone who he can manipulate easily as younger women tend to agree with an older man's opinion more.

    Maybe that is not the case. I don't really know your situation. If you want to be with him, go for it. It is likely to end in the end but it might work for some time. Do what you feel is right... so long as it's legal, that is lol.

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    • Thanks, yes but I think it won't work anyways. I don't want to get hurt in the end! But thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind.

    • Sometimes you need to experiment before meeting the person you will really love. If you want to be with him then you can be with him for a while. Relationships are rarely permanent.

  • I think you shouldn't do it. 27 and 50 okay but not 17 and 42. I think he might be using you. You might not see it because you like him but he may be a little bit a pedophile?

    You are both in very differnet stages of life, you are probably still studying while he has a job and lots of experiences in life. I don't think that it would work by time time you are ready to start a family he will probably be old enough to be a granddad.

    + You mention that this is your first boyfriend? Don't do it, you will regret it.
    I hope you find someone of your own agelevel (is that even a word), it will be so much nicer!

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  • In high school I didn't like guys my age. I've always been attracted to older guys because they were always more mature than the guys at my school (plus if you broke up you wouldn't have to see them at school all the time). Im 20 now and since I was 15 I've dated older guys. when I was 16 I dated a 20 year old, a 23 year old and then a 24 year old. Oldest for me was when I was 17 I dated a 30yr old. Yes you guys might get along and everything but you have to realize he is 42 and you are only 17;you haven't really experienced much ESPECIALLY when it comes to adult relationships. in my opinion everyone younger than 19 should really be careful when it comes to relationships because I realized I didn't know what love was at that age. I didn't actually know what it meant to love and be loved back equally so I'd give a lot and get not as much in return (without even realizing it because I wasn't as experienced as the older guys I dated and blinded by my "feelings"). Keep in mind that he's old enough to be your father and is waaaay more experienced than you are at life in general. Don't rush into anything you aren't ready for. And try to make adult decisions; what I mean by that is clear-headed decisions so try to cut out your feelings. If you see something going on that you dont like, talk about it. If he doesn't want to change, or compromise then don't stay. Dont stay with someone that is mistreating you just because you love them. Everyone deserves to be happy and if your SO doesn't care about your happiness and well-being you shouldn't stay. But I do believe that age is just a number (for the crowd of 18+). Once you're of age you should date whoever you connect with no matter the age.

    Just look at it from your own perspective if you had kids though. Would you think a 42 y/o man with your 17 y/o daughter is the ideal situation? Or would you want to find out exactly why they were interested in your child? I think you should take the same approach to your own situation. Good luck, be safe..

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  • I'm not being mean but society will see him as a pervert they say if you are 18 years old and up the appropriate age gap is 15 and under nothing passed it, I would wait if I was you, and then knowing his age and yours he will get jealous. Love changes people he will say he won't but he will because it's natural for people to get jealous.

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  • It's better to try something and not have it last than not trying it and never knowing what might have happened. I was in a sort-of relationship with a guy almost twice my age last year, and I know now that it never would have worked out, but it's an experience you learn from in life.

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    • True, but I think he will just use me. I've always thought older guys are more attractive, but I will just wait and do other more important stuff than guys basically.

    • Oh, okay then. I'm glad you got that problem solved =)

  • Of course the age isn't an issue for him. He has an inexperienced, naive, beautiful girl that believes everything he tells her.

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  • He is old enough to be your dad, your still underage so your actions could land both of you in trouble. He shouldn't have even lured such a vulnerable young girl to like him, please get out of this sick relationship. The only reason a 42 year old would go for a 17 year old is for sex.

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    • Yes I'm opening my eyes now. Thanks! I will totally get out of it.

    • Wow and I thought people would put up an argument. Okay I really do know age is just a number and if he was 21 years old, it wouldn't be a such a problem but because he's 42 he already should be fully aware being with a 17 year old is wrong and only has one thing in mind. Does he have any kids of his own? If he does, does he see them?

  • Nope...
    Also, he's got problems... huge ones...

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    • Why do you think that? I really need to know

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    • Thanks, I fully understand now. I was just confused, I'm glad I asked and got answers from intelligent and experienced people like you. I'll just ignore him from now, plus my parents woul never ever accept it..

    • I am glad you can find and keep the good advice people give you.
      You'll find someone worthy of you that truly loves you. =)

  • He is taking advantage of your naivety.

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  • I think that's a little too much of an age gap. Plus, he's been through life, had so many experiences to become who he is now.
    As for you, you're going to change a lot in the next few years and come into your own. You may end up becoming a completely different person than you are now, at that point, it may not work.

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  • Is it legal for you to do so? If it is, you may as well try it. Just don't let him take advantage of you, have him meet your parents, be decent about it, you know?

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  • I'd say you're too young, and then there's a huge age difference... I know true love is stronger than age differences... but yeah... usually it doesn't work out that great with that big age difference.

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  • He is waytoo old, when guys at that age tries to date 17 yo girls I would see them as predator

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    • Yes I think so too. Thanks.

  • That is seriously so bad. Like he is old enough to be your dad...

    And why does he want women more than half his age younger?

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    • I know but I like him so much!! and he says he likes me too
      I don't know, he said he wasn't looking for it and expecting that

  • What is up with all these teenage girls on here getting with guys that could be their freaking dad? No it won't work tbh and you seem a bit naive.

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  • Too young. I feel like if you're under 18 then there shouldn't be a huge age gap. Then there's a risk of parents not approving, or things not working working out. Then there's a possibility of the situation turning nasty. I feel like if there was to be a big age gap. Ten years or what ever, then the people entering it should be adults and mature enough to handle it.

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  • Far too much but who knows. I dated my guy when I was 19 and he was 40. I'm 23 and we're still together. At his age he may want to settle down and you want to enjoy life. That is a few things we dealt and still deal with

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  • ummm first you're not legal so that's kind of a big issue
    and second you're 17, i mean you got college (parties included) and your whole life ahead of you. this guys is 42 and probably has other goals in life.

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  • He's old enough to be your father. Think about that. A man of 42 is either off mentally or just wants to take advantage of you. Why not date guys your own age? They aren't so bad!

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    • I know, i know.. i'll try to stick with guys my own age. It's just that they're so immature lol. Maybe 20-22

    • Not all are. That 42 year old guy is probably more immature then some kids your age if he's persuing a 17 year old. Howabout 18-21? That's appropriate and they'll be in college. Like I didn't actually start really dating until I was 18/19. I wouldn't date anyone over 31 and under 20, but that's just me.

  • Ummmmmmm woah so you like a guy around your dad's age? What ever floats your boat homegirl.

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  • Unless it was Enrique Iglesias I wouldn't go for it. What would a 17year-old have in common with a full grown man? I think you should consider about it. =)

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    • True.. lol. I don't know what I was thinking.

    • haha... you were just amazed by sth about him but you didn't see further.

  • A relationship is fine, but if you two plan on having sex, wait until you're 18, or the legal age in your country.

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  • Okay if that's what you want but just remember that he's old enough to be your father

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  • No.. He's like the same age as some of your teachers. I think it would work out if the guy was in his early 20's.

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    • Yeah, and I have never even kissed yet.. I'm so confused

  • I don't think it's a good idea because you are both not at the same place in life. He could basically be your dad. When you are 40 he won't be able to do much anymore and you will want to explore life, travel.

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  • It is a little strange, but hey, love prevails above all.

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