I think I am wrong but it seems to matter less and less

my boyfriend has a little girl that stays with us monday thru friday, I am the one who watches her and takes care of her everyday. I don't have any of my own kids and i really want one in the future but now I am thinking I don't. I really don't want her around any more, she lies and doesn't listen I know she is only 5 but its hard to deal with. and when he gets home he talks to her and it takes all he has to deal with her and I get ignored. I don't want her around any more unless he helps out watching her. is that bad? without me she wouldn't be able to stay here cause I take care of her from the time she wakes up till she goes to bed, but with her here I don't want to be.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're in a bit of an awkward situation, you've basically been left in charge of a kid that's not yours like a nanny. You shouldn't let this affect your own want of children in the future because I think that would be a different situation where you are the actual mother and not the babysitter. Regarding your bf's daughter, you are going to need to decide what you want in your own life. (Yeah some people may label you as selfish, but I say you're pretty selfless to be looking after someone else's kid five days a week.) If you're unhappy with the current situation with you, your boyfriend and his daughter then you're probably going to have to leave. You can't ask him to choose between him and you (you probably wouldn't like the outcome if you did), so really it's your only choice if you want a change.

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    • If I ask him to choose and he picks her he can't have her there as much, he still pays the mom child support each month and can't afford a babysitter right now. if it was maybe two days a week it be ok but either way he picks he will loose me and her it seems like. is it rude to ask to have her less amount of time?

    • No it's not rude because it involves your life, you didn't sign up to play babysitter five days a week.

What Guys Said 2

  • You are so normal it is amazing, I feel like I am reading something I wrote!

    Kids suck unless you have MONEY, period. Then you can afford an ugly nanny (that your man won't fall for) who will take over when you want some alone time. Kids prevent travel and demand 100% all the time; few people realize what is entailed in parenting, it is so disappointing to see all of the fools out there who romanticize about "having children and settling down." Try it for a while first then make your decision.

    I have been with two women who have had a child or two; the only reason it worked at all was that the kids were old enough to have their own lives once they were taken to school etc. If they are at home all of the time it is a total drag and good luck getting any attention.

    Sounds like you need to make a tough decision.

    Best of luck!

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  • I don't think she should be your responsibility just because your boyfriend has this baggage. If this isn't what you want then end it.

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What Girls Said 4

  • thats tough...but the first thing is to talk about it. I don't think your in the wrong though. Its even harder if she goes home to mom on the weekends. Can't you talk to him about putting her inot a preschool?

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    • She is from 8-11 two days a week it is alittle break but just enough to get house clean agian so she can mess it up again.

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    • I'm not even sure why you would put up with behaviour like that. Remind him that it's HIS daughter, not yours.

    • Really! He wants to go play while you stay at home? I say "No Say"

  • Ok you have to calm down she is 5 and I know you don't have kids. Around the age of 2 to 7 they think if they don't lie they will be in trouble but you have to teach her she can tell the truth anytime. You have to let the dad know that you deserve more of his time and you feel neglected. Don't leave him he really needs you or you wouldn't be the primary care of the girl. Things can turn around if you speak out.

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  • yeh if you don't think the kids going to gow on you, don't continue the realtionship, because tension isn't good between daugter and step mom especially when the dad in the middle.

    maybe with time she will learn to behave with you. all kids are brats till they figure out that 1. ur a nice person who deserves repect. or 2. it's just a better idea to listen to you.

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  • No you're not wrong! Stop questioning yourself.

    That is not your child. Why can't your boyfriend take care of his own daughter? That is not your responsibility. Where is her real mother? Either way you are doing too much, that little girl is not your daughter so you shouldn't have to be the one raising her. Your boyfriend sounds selfish as hell. To be honest if it was me, I would go shopping one day early in the morning and leave her all to him. He can't say anything because you are not obligated to take care of her while he goes on about his life. I'm sure there are a million other things you could be doing.

    Tell your boyfriend how you feel. He should appreciate you more and stop using you like a permanent babysitter.

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