I think I have a problem?

When I am into a girl, I will pay attention to every detail about her (it applies to girls who I just find attractive and to the girls I really like). I usually pay attention to how she acts around others, especially guys, so when I see her like flirting with other guys or something, I'll just assume she likes them.. This in turn makes me jealous (I'm the jealous type /:) so I like ignore her and make sure that she doesn't get any attention from me whatsoever. Is this self sabotage? Does anyone else think like me or am I just weird? I feel like I keep pushing people away, and I can't help it....


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't find it weird at all, since I have done that myself a lot.

    I think it's fear of rejection:

    You are afraid of putting anything on the line for that person, because you are afraid that you will be burned. So instead of approaching her, you observe from a distance, and when you see her taking an interest in other guys, you feel rejected, and ignore her to 'balance the score'.

    The problem with this approach is that it is a race to the bottom. You can keep repeating it over and over with different people, and all you will get is confirmation that yes, you are of no interest to them.

    The opposite approach is more optimistic:

    Approach people (you like) and affirm them without expecting anything in return. In other words: do what you wish so badly that they would do for you. Keep on doing it. Be that person who makes others feel good, beautiful, sexy, etc. Take an interest. Ask questions. Help people (you like) out.

    Maybe someday one of them is going to want to balance the score with you?

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    • Yeah it may be. I guess in a way, when they flirt, it makes me feel like I'm not important to them so I don't feel special, which I know is completely stupid but I can't help it...

      The opposite approach does seem like something that would work.

    • I think it is very human to want to feel special :) I do too. So do those women you like, probably.

      I want to thank you for asking the question, it actually helped me to work this through in my mind, because it has been a major problem for me too.

      I hope it works for you.

    • Yeah we all do haha.

      You're welcome. I didn't realize that it would actually help others. Thanks.

      It's a problem we must solve. We don't want to be this way our entire lives.

What Girls Said 4

  • I used to think like you when I was 13. If you think you have a problem then you probably do. I don't think you have a problem.

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  • What month were you born in & what day?

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    • Oct 18th. That's the second time a girl has asked me that._.

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    • I feel like you are very dynamic, spirited, and energetic. You refuse to sugarcoat your opinions to please others. You are very ambitious, even a little aggressive, but you wear it well. You are not afraid to display your confidence. You are a self-starter who believes in taking control of your own life.
      You may surround yourself with unlikely types of people whose low-key personalities are different from their own. You aren't likely to be carried away by the frivolous aspects of love & you are very sexual and need to be fulfilled by this part of the relationship that you will be in if you find someone.

    • I am indeed very sexual, and I feel like it will be something very important in my relationships.

      Overall, it seems accurate.

  • I'm not gonna lie. It really is.

    I had a guy I liked as a friend. I just generally said aloud that I wanted to try this restaurant, and then he kept insisting we go together. So I agreed. He told everyone else it "wasn't a date". But it clearly was, when we went on it.

    I don't like him that way so I just decided next time he asked me out, I would decline, and I did. But then, when he saw me and this guy I'm interested in talking, he acted really rude to me the rest of the day, acting like he couldn't see me, trying to make me really uncomfortable.

    Seriously? Whatever... not sure I even want to be friends now. So much drama.

    Perhaps I didn't make it clear. But it's really hard for me to tell whether a guy wants to be friends with me or wants to date me. I think from this point on... I'll just have to assume the latter; I don't want anymore of these situations. I just wanted to have lunch with a friend. Jesus Christ.

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    • Yeah, i sorta see it is a problem. I guess it varies on how severe it is to different individuals.

      This guy obviously liked you a lot so that's why he acted that way. Why not just text and let him know that you two are just friends? I know a girl who did that to this one guy once.

      The question is, does this apply to a lot of people.

  • What is your birth day and month?

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    • Why do you want to know? Lol

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    • Nope.

    • K. ...

What Guys Said 3

  • I do that too with my crush. We talk, flirt sometimes and everything is great. Then she flirts with one other guy and then I get heartbroken. I lose my confidence and I try to ignore her. I feel lost and alone but I shouldn't. I dont know why I do this either but I know I have to stop it. I can't control her with who she flirts. Since we are on the same boat let me tell you that there aren't "steps" or a guide or tricks to overcome that. We have to think a bit in our minds why we do that and why its wrong. Read online too... why it's not worth feeling jealous ;)

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    • Thanks. Glad to know I'm not the only one..

    • Actually I have to thank you too for putting this question lol

    • Haha welcome.

  • Same here. In fact, I feel like a creepy guy sometimes, even though I don't mean to be. I just feel like I idolize the girl/woman in question.

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    • Yeah :/.. we're all in the same boat. It sucks.

  • Jealousy is unhealthy. You may outgrow it you may not.

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    • Yeah I know it is ://
      And yeah, I hope I do.

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    • :)
      .,.,., Take care man and best of luck with your emotional and spiritual growth. You will be fine.

    • Thanks a lot man.

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