When I am into a girl, I will pay attention to every detail about her (it applies to girls who I just find attractive and to the girls I really like). I usually pay attention to how she acts around others, especially guys, so when I see her like flirting with other guys or something, I'll just assume she likes them.. This in turn makes me jealous (I'm the jealous type /:) so I like ignore her and make sure that she doesn't get any attention from me whatsoever. Is this self sabotage? Does anyone else think like me or am I just weird? I feel like I keep pushing people away, and I can't help it....
Most Helpful Guy
I don't find it weird at all, since I have done that myself a lot.
I think it's fear of rejection:
You are afraid of putting anything on the line for that person, because you are afraid that you will be burned. So instead of approaching her, you observe from a distance, and when you see her taking an interest in other guys, you feel rejected, and ignore her to 'balance the score'.
The problem with this approach is that it is a race to the bottom. You can keep repeating it over and over with different people, and all you will get is confirmation that yes, you are of no interest to them.
The opposite approach is more optimistic:
Approach people (you like) and affirm them without expecting anything in return. In other words: do what you wish so badly that they would do for you. Keep on doing it. Be that person who makes others feel good, beautiful, sexy, etc. Take an interest. Ask questions. Help people (you like) out.
Maybe someday one of them is going to want to balance the score with you?2