How can I get over my fear of approaching women?

i always get nervous when i want to go up to a girl and end up not doing it. i can go up to a strange girl and ask for directions or something like that, but if i want to start a real conversation, forget about it. this is indepenant of how physically attractive she is. no matter how pretty or average she might be, the fear is there. the weird thing is that some people will tell you to approach more women to overcome this fear, which doesn't make sense. i can't approach women. thats the point. if i could, i wouldn't have a fear of approaching women. asking myself why i'm scared or telling myself there's no reason to be scared doesn't help either. does anybody have any real advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop putting women on a pedestal. We're human just like everyone else.

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    • believe me i dont put them on a pedestal. i already said i get nervous regardless of what the girl looks like, so its nothing like 'i think they're too good for me'.
      by the way, are you single?

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    • It's normal to feel nervous. And ya, I am.

    • i know a lot of guys do. but i have a crippling nervousness that i just can't get passed

What Girls Said 4

  • One way to get over fears is by facing them. Acknowledge the fear, accept it, but then take a deep breath and work through it. You'll realize once you do it several times that there's nothing much to be afraid of, but that first time is the hardest. You just have to force yourself to do it.

    Work up to it if it's a really debilitating fear, but make that effort to overcome it. It doesn't happen magically. I've found that just telling yourself 'screw it' and doing it without giving yourself time to think about it or build up fear works well too. Good luck.

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    • well HOW do i work up to it? thats my question

    • Make eye contact with them, smile, talk to them, then flirt, etc. Some of it will inevitably be out of your comfort zone, but start small and get comfortable with each step and then move on to the next one.

    • You know what might help, once you get more comfortable, is being in an environment where it's expected that people will be social and talk to others. I know I used to hate the feeling of thinking I'm imposing or bothering someone, but if you're at a social, party, conference, etc. everyone's talking and so it's only natural you would too.

  • okay im gonna be completely honest. i just realized that BOTH genders are going through this. i know this isn't what you're looking for but JUST GO UP TO THEM!! girls really aren't that mean. i mean they are. before you go up to her look to see how she acts around others. if she acts bitchy just say bye. clearly you wouldn't want her in your life anyway. smile and be nice. she won't bite. if you go up to her when she's with her friends she'll like it more. her friends will giggle and stuff but dont worry. girls are just like that. they're excited they're not making fun of you.

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    • "JUST GO UP TO THEM!!"

      do you know how many times i've heard that? it's hasn't worked up till now. what i'm looking for more or less is a way to do this in baby steps. like, maybe start doing something that takes courage, but only half as much courage as approaching a women. i have no idea what though.

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    • that's only if the guy is good-looking to begin with, which i'm not.

    • girls are attracted to weird things. i can't tell you how many times i've seen a guy and my eyes have literally turned into hearts. then i told my friends and they said he's the ugliest thing ever. trust me at least one girl thinks you're hot and wants to bang you. if your looks are terrible charm em with your personality

  • This is totally normal. A lot of people are nervous when they try to start a conversation for the first time.
    So, how to solve this problem? If you want to start a conversation, try to think about something you have in common. Like of it's at school or something, try talk about school. If it's at work, try to talk about work. For the feeling it kinda looks like asking for directions. After you've asked about the thing in common, make a little joke or comment on it nased on your own opinion so the conversation gets more personal. You could also try asking her something personal. Voila, you started a conversation.
    After this it will go easier with starting a conversation. It's almost like a skill.

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  • Try directing the conversation once you greet each other towards a topic you really are into. Since you know everything about that topic, it should make you feel more confident as you speak to her, and once you see that she isn't going to bite you (yet! lol), you'll feel more and more at ease with being around her :)

    For example, if you know how to keep in shape. You see a girl struggling with a machine at the gym. You go to her and start explaining to her how it works, what body parts you can work on with it and blah blah blah. She will be grateful for your help and you'll be over the moon for lasting this much in a conversation with the opposite sex.

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What Guys Said 8

  • The more you do it, the less fearful you will be.

    What's worse, having a girl who isn't interested in you turn you down (so why should you care anyway...), or being a coward who never gets what he wants in life because he's afraid to take action? Which should you actually be afraid of?

    You need to get angry with yourself. If I don't do something because I'm nervous, I become furious with myself and force myself to do it. You need to learn to HATE being cowardly. You need to learn to hate your weaknesses and then do something about it. Don't get depressed and mopey, fix the weakness.

    Start small. Get used to just making eye contact with girls. When you are comfortable with that, then add in shooting them a smile. Then saying hello. Then striking up a conversation. Then asking them for dates. Then asking them to sleep with you. Work your way up.

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  • Join some type of interactive social club, maybe a drama club, or a sports club, or a book club... where you'll meet and get to know women in non-romantic situations, instead of traditional dating where we guys get all the pressure.

    Let relationships develop from working together rather than from aritificial rituals like dating.

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  • Approach men then... lol. Have you ever made friends by just approaching someone?
    But yeah, like someone said: girls are humans too (I know it's weird but it's true). Try doing it with someone that you're not very like it to see again. That way if things go bad (the worst isn't that bad either) at least it'll only be a few awkward minutes. Just try to keep things casual, and ask them about something, then just carry on with their day. The more you talk to a girl, the easier it becomes to do it in general.

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    • all the girls i want to approach, are girls who i'm not like to see again. bascially girls i see when i go out. it's not the girls opinion of me that i fear, its just going up and talking to her. also, i dont know how it is over there, but here if you go up to men you don't know just to talk to them you are considered gay

  • Lol what are you afraid of exactly? rejection?

    You said you can talk to girls if you wanted to ask for direction so maybe you should start there. Go up to all the girls and ask them question, make a list. Preferably open-ended question.

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  • You get over it by facing fear itself. Just keep approaching

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  • I bet you have the same issue when you talk with men also, just in a lower level.

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    • im not attracted to men, so no.

    • I might, if I hear them talking about something of my interest. Like maybe you want to find buds to go to a concert with, they're there, but you're afraid they'll think your weird or queer. You're not, you just want to make new friends.

    • um what?

  • To the asker: do you work?

    If so, you could try talking to some of the women there as practice.

    You have the job in common and if you're new asking questions is expected.

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  • just pretend you're talking to a guy

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