So people usually say that guys often lose interest in a girl if she sleeps with him on the first date, or to early. Is the opposite ever true?

Many girls are under the belief that a guy will lose respect for a girl that sleeps with him on the first date or to early, and that she might have ruined her chances for a serious relationship with the guy. As he may be under the impression that she is easy and has done this to many other guys (which may or may not be true).

now im wondering, if this can happen to women as well? Im sure it does happen but how common is it for women to lose interest in a guy if they have sex to early before an emotional connection has been established?

On one hand i have heard that ocytocin will make a woman like a guy more after sleeping with him, but most girls who are old enough are probably aware of that effect and can control it.

Some girls are only interested in a hookup from the beginning, so they might leave after sleeping with a guy on the first date, so they dont get feelings for him to early when they dont know if the guy would be willing to date them.

Those things makes sense, but do girls also sometimes lose interest and attraction to a guy they where initially very attracted to if they have sex to early?



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Most Helpful Girl

  • OK, this is going to be unpopular but here it goes.

    It is a double standard. It isn't right, necessarily, but it is present.

    A girl is expected to "put up a fight.". She is " supposed" to resist sex early on. If she sleeps with someone too soon, she runs a risk of him losing respect for her or mentally pulling her out of the dating file and pushing her into ONS status, f**ck buddy or friends with benefits . So the standard says, anyway.

    A guy, however, is "expected" to try to have sex as early on as possible. If he succeeds, he is applauded by today's society. Ironically, the same guys seducing the females usually state they want a girl who hasn't been around; crazy, yes?

    I am not sure girls think less of guys who sleep with them early on since that is "socially acceptable" male behavior. It is "known" that guys are sex driven and ready to roll 24/7.

    My best advice to both parties is to try to know each other mentally before knowing them physically. It isn't that darn hard to keep your zippers up for a date or two IF you desire more. Then, these doubts disappear and you can be pretty sure you both want something a little more IF that is what you want.

    If all you want is casual or ONS, don't change the rules by discovering you like them... if you had taken a few dates first you might have already known that (and realized s/he didn't) and wouldn't set yourself up for heartache. You can't go back and undo it, so there is that potential pitfall.

    If all you really really want is physical release, go for it whenever you want and don't worry about what the other party thinks.

    Double standards exist whether we want to believe it or not, and whether we agree with them or not. Reality is what you choose to do and how comfortable you may be with other people's perception of your actions.

    Before the down vote fest begins, note that I put quotes around the things that I don't necessarily believe in, however that doesn't change society's perception of these things.

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    • Well the thing is, that im not really talking about what society thinks here. I know many girls are under the belief of this double standard that guys who get sex early are studs, and girls who put put early are sluts etc. However im talking about what happens mentally to people in general when they chose to have sex early. Im one of those guys who if i like a girl and could see myself dating her longterm, her choosing to have sex with me early won't make me think less of her or remove her potential for longterm relationship. I guess there are some guys who think like that, mainly because what society tells them.

      However im asking if girls, due to feelings, hormones or other mental reasons, can lose interest in a guy she was initially very attracted to, due to having sex with him to early. I mean maybe they believe the mystery is gone to early before a big enough emotional connection has been built. I dont know, this is what i am wondering about.

    • Pretty good opinion. Why do you think you would get down votes?

What Girls Said 3

  • If this ocytocin thing was real, every rape victim would fondly think of their rapists.

    Logically, when emotions are not involved, I guess once they find out the sex is bad, they will consider if they can deal with it longterm or willing to teach him for the next months. It goes the other way too, when she's bad.

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    • The oxytocin thing is real. However the thing that decides wheter a women exudes a lot of oxytocin is how she feels mentally when having sex. So shen she is really into it and feels pleasure, and orgasms the most ammount of oxytocin is exuded. If she is being raped, she is not enjoying it at all mentally, and often dont even exude vaginal fluids, she is unlikely to orgasm or feel pleasure so the effects of oxytocin wouldn't be nearly as evident.

      And obviously im talking about a situation where the sex was good, not necessarily amazing but not bad. And the girl already likes the guys personality etc.

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    • Yeah that is true, its just way less vaginal fluids if she is not enjoying it. And yeah thats what i thought, if she had only a hookup in mind from the beginning she would obviously stop seeing the guy after sleeping with him early, but i dont think she actually lost interest or attraction to the guy in that case, she just stops seeing him because she doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to get attached.
      This is assuming their personalities are a match as well.

    • Yeah, she didn't lose interest, because there was no interest to begin with apart from 'how is he performing in the sack?'. As soon as her curiosity/interest is satisfied, there's no reason to continue unless he was AMAZING, cause then she'd at least want him as a booty call.

  • Honestly if the sex isn't good I lose interest, and the attraction goes away fast. Or when the alcohol wears off. I don't plan on sleeping with a guy too soon sometimes it just happens.

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    • You are talking about a spontaneous and maybe drunk hookup, which wasn't planned. This is understandable. But if you like a guys personality and looks, and you have already decided you want to sleep with him early but you dont know what you want longterm, would that make you lose interest in him as in having a serious relationship? The reason im asking is because girls often dont know what they want and their feelings and hormones are often irrational. Im wondering if when you plan to sleep with a guy who you find attractive in looks and personality, if having sex early made you for some reason lose interest in him long term, maybe because of the mystery was gone to early or hormones or some other mental reason. I already know that some women run away after sleeping with a guy to early because they are afraid to get attached and hurt, but im wondering if they sometimes just lose interest, even if the sex was good.

    • If the guy starts getting clingy and shit yes I lose interest fast, I don't care how good the sex is. People say girls get attached fast after sex, but it's been the other way around for me. Just because I have gone on a date or two and had sex with a guy doesn't mean I'm his girlfriend.

    • Yeah but then in that case it wasn't the sex itself that would make you lose interest. Which is what im wondering about. Thanks for your input. And by the way how much attention would you describe as clingy? if a guy keeps a similar level of initiating contact as he did before having sex then that would be fine i guess? if he wants to make sure you know he wasn't interested in a one night stand etc.

  • Yes, if a guy pressures me into sleeping with him early, I lose interest in him because I see sex as the next stage in a relationship. If I wanted a quickie, I could find some random douche for that.

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    • i dont mean when a guy pressures you though, i mean a situation where the girl chooses willingly to sleep with a guy on the first date, will that make her lose interest for something serious with him, like maybe they feel the mystery is gone by having sex to early?

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    • Sorry dude, I cannot explain this to you any clearer than I already did.

    • Yeah and i understood all that you said, you however didn't answer the main question i had. maybe you dont know the answer. You said "so then what?" So having sex early doesn't mean you can't continue dating the guy and see if emotional feelings can develop as well.

      My main question was really simple, did you ever suddenly lose interest/attraction in trying to date a guy who you slept with too early. But it doesn't seem like something like that has happened to you.

What Guys Said 4

  • all the questions on this site are girls wanting to get their fuckbuddies to commit or how the guy they hooked up with never called back. Meanwhile guys are trying to get their female friends to want to have sex with them.

    So to me it seems like girls fall in love with their casual partners/hookups fairly often. Also it seems that guys get screwed by waiting too long for sex and that girls get screwed by having sex too soon :/

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  • Those "some people" wouldn't by chance be the girl's mother or relatives, who just don't want her to come home pregnant?
    I've never lost interest in a woman because she slept with me on the first date. Quite the opposite. I've begun to lose interest in some who didn't.

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    • I agree with you about that, personally if i like a girl and could see myself dating her, her choosing to have sex with me on the first date won't change that. However you must be aware that many girls are under this impression that most guys will lose respect for them and stop seeing them as relationship material if they sleep with them on the first date. Im also pretty sure there is a good number of guys out there who thinks like that.

    • @Asker : Wives' tales die hard sometimes, especially if they've been repeated to young impressionable girls (and boys) for hundreds of years.
      Bullshit is still bullshit, no matter how much you repeat it.

    • No disagreement there, many people these days are like sheep and will easily choose to believe the most available explanation though unfortunately..

  • I am aware that I'm probably an exception here, but I prefere girls who do what they want, regardless of some (old fashioned) social norms. If she wants to have sex with me and I want it as well, why play this "hard to get" game? When I met my GF we had sex the same night, because we both wanted it. We're still together after 4 years.

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  • No. Don't think so. They are wired a little different then we are.

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