Girls, What is wrong for paying for a date?

This guy is seriously tweaked. He really doesn't want to pay for a date because apparently, women are starting to make more then men. I don't feel threatened or intimidate by this. I will continue to pay for my household, and when I go out with my fiancé because I enjoy planning and being romantic with her. Not every date has to be expensive. There doesn't have to be money involved every time. We all have bills and other responsibilities.
Agree/disagree? How do you ladies feel about men paying for your dates?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Am not speaking for all my hispanic ladies but in our culture men take lead. I do expect a guy who wants to take me out on a date to pay for me. Regardless if i earn more than him. He basically showing me that i am worth every penny, as bad or selfish it may sound. It proves 2 things, that he's not greedy n he's dependacy as a man. I aso make my own money, show me this things n i will treat them once in a while too. I can also cook, so if we get comfortable enough with eachother instead going out for dinner i can cook sum bomb at he's place. I hav a big fam n i dont mind if i cook for couple of people it will actually please me if he's fam or friends taste my food. So they better not complaint.

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    • I agree with you as i am hispanic as well and agree with many traditions in our culture. It is the reason i behave the way i do most of the time. Thank you.

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    • @bubola guess we still keep it old school, now adays is all about woman dependancy but we still like to get treated like queens n we sure know how to treat our men like kings.

    • Amen! Its all about balance. One cannot demand respect, they must earn it first. We are all royalty :D

What Girls Said 93

  • I think of it as a way of honouring the person you are with even though there are other ways of honouring somebody. However some guys act like you owe them something if you let them pay for you when you are not 100% certain you like them. I've had this happen to me twice so far so I think it can sometimes cause trouble.

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  • I love it when a man pays for my dates, although a little guilty.

    I believe that men and women should both offer to pay for the dates. But, I get the feeling this is bitching for bitching's sake.

    I'm not secret about my economic situation and I'm in quite the extreme low side of it. I'm an apprentice, and I work another job to make ends meet. Even between two jobs, I struggle to pay my bills let alone afford to buy myself anything pretty. My boyfriend and dad pay for all of my living and food, and it makes me feel like crap.

    Me and my boyfriend do go on dates. And even though I can't afford the whole bill, I'll always throw a bit in - it's up to him if he wants to pay for it all or not then. Even if I pay the tip and he pays the bill.

    So, no a man doesn't have to pay. And if I earnt more than my boyfriend, I would insist on paying too. But I can't pay, and he knows that. Even if we made the same money, we would treat each other.

    I think this guy is bitching because he can. Sounds like he's going to be single for a long time with an attitude like that.

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    • I agree with him being single.
      My fiance makes i lot less money then myself and it is part of the reason i dont allow her to do anything for me. I want her to take what she has earned and enjoy it. Even if we made the same amount of money i wouldn't expect her to pay for anything.

    • And that's your choice but I believe a woman should always offer. I mean, even if you paid the bills and she paid for all the luxuries, it would be splitting it. You benefit from her money in some way.
      Eg. me, my boyfriend and his friend went for a meal. He had the bill. I immediately chipped in, and then his friend did (more than me) but that way we split the bill sort of equally, and nobody was left with a chip on their shoulder.
      Situations like that, makes it easier. His friend didn't feel awkward for giving up cash and my boyfriend didn't feel odd accepting it.

      I love your attitude.

    • Thank you very much, and thank you for your opinion

  • I think it should be a mutual thing. I'm totally fine paying for my own bills on dates, but when a guy insists, I'll always accept.
    I'm in a relationship now though, and I'm a college student so I don't have very much money to spend on movies and eating out. My boyfriend is older and makes a lot more money than I do, so when I can't afford to do something that he wants to do, he always offers to pay. So I don't think this means that the guy should offer to pay, I think it's better if whoever can afford it offers to pay.

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  • I like when my boyfriend pays because I'm poor as dirt lol but most of the time we split the bill. I take him out too, sometimes.

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    • Im glad he does this for you.

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    • *looks at the screen all sad* its up to you :)

    • It's not that big of a deal. He always drives everywhere so spending $15 at taco bell isn't a huge problem lol

  • Honestly, I feel it tends to go easiest if, for the first few dates, everyone goes dutch. After that, I tend to like the idea of whomever invited the other (picks the event) pays. Once in an established relationship, things can shift depending on who's making more money, but by keeping it sorted that way early on, you don't have anyone feeling like they're owed something or being stuck paying for a date way out of their price range.

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  • There's nothing wrong with it, of course. And there's nothing wrong with women paying for the dates either. My husband comes from a more traditional background where the men pay for things like this, and women typically do not. I definitely appreciate it, but I pay for dates all the time too - we basically take turns now.

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    • I was raised the same, and so was my fiance. In general she doesn't mind that i pay. Im seeing a lot of women prefer splitting though. I just dont like the idea of her wanting something badly, and she can't have it because i chose to let her pay for our previous date.

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    • Free dates are the best dates, and I'm glad the nice weather is back because there will be more to do for free.

    • Im just waiting for it to be really warm. Dying to take her to her first water park. Thank you for your opinion

  • I expect in today's economy to offer to at least pay half, or offer to pay for something (you get dinner, I'll get movie). If a guy takes me up on it, great. If not, great, too. The majority of them turn down my offer to pay, but I don't think less if they take me up on it. Bottom line; dating is expensive.

    My BF and I take turns paying now, and I think it's only fair.

    But that guy was over the top, lol.

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    • Lol, that guy was nuts. My fiance and I share joint bank accounts. I prefer her to use her money on herself. Hair, nails, etc... While I pay the majority of the bills, and she contributes to our savings mostly. Mind sharing your opinion on this?

    • I think your fiancee is very lucky :)

      I don't do things like nails, shoes and such so personally I would think it fair to pay half the household expenses. But that's me :)

      I like your way of thinking; it strikes the old fashioned chord in me when men were able to support their families. Sadly in today's world, it us so hard to do that.

    • I have a very old fashioned way of thinking. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong time period.
      But I agree, the times we are living in make it hard for men to take care of their families without their wife's input.
      Thank you for your opinions.

  • This is 2015, and if two people go out and money is an issue - usually it's settled on beforehand, is it not? If someone says they want to go see Neil Diamond live and one says, "I'd love to go, but I can't afford it," a good friend or partner would say, "No problem, I've got it covered," so they can both go.

    If two people plan dinner and one says, "Do you want to do pizza or go out for French food?" One might say, "Let's do pizza, I'm broke this week," then it's understood. But if one says, "I want to take you out for French food," it's understood that it's an invite and the person asking is doing the paying.

    In my culture the person who asks usually is the one who pays. If two friends collectively want to do something, they'll put their heads and wallets together to figure out what is affordable. With my husband, we share our money completely so no matter what we do, we dip in to our dating money to do things.

    One other thing is to take turns paying for a night out. Or, split an entire bill in half. I was asked once, "Well, what if one person ordered salad and the other person ordered the chicken?" - it doesn't matter, you both went out and enjoyed the experience together, so the bill should be considered split. If the nickel-and-diming is getting in the way, then one person needs to make it clear that they cannot afford to go on outings, but perhaps they can cook for each other.

    I had heard once that some men in US/Canada don't want to pay for dates because they aren't convinced a woman will want to go on a second. That's fine, but that sort of reasoning of asking a woman out only to make her pay will guarantee no second date. Unless the woman asks the man out, that is. If he's interested in her and wants the pleasure of her company, the etiquette is whomever does the asking does the paying. If that's not the case where you or your friend lives, then I hope my other suggestions help.

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  • When my husband and I were still dating I loved it when he'd pay for the date. However, I worked as well and he had more responsibilities than I (rent, health Insurance etc and I lived at home) so we would take turns. When I lost my job, he paid. When he lost his job, I paid. So I'd say whoever of the two doesn't work shouldn't have to pay, if both people work it would be fair if the two took turns. But I think it's very chivalrous and beautiful when the man does pay, regardless of whether the woman works/makes lots of money or not.

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  • If a man is courting/seeking me out, I prefer that he pays. When we're exclusive, then I don't mind paying though it does seem weird to pay for a man. I would be unable to keep from thinking some unsavory thoughts about him.

    Some women are making more than men in certain sectors due to jobs. But not ALL women are making more, so that guy needs to stop acting like an insecure bitch.

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  • I'm indifferent honestly.

    One shouldn't just take on point what the other ones financial circumstances are and base "paying on dates" on that, because one earns more then the other. I prefer to split everything evenly. Why? Less drama, less issue, both can make payments to it, everyone is happy

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    • Thank you for your opinion. Curious though, do you not like it when a man pays for your date?

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    • Really appreciate the answer.

    • Oh no worries, you're all good

  • I think whoever asked the other out should pay. If I asked a guy out I would at least attempt to pay. But if he asks me out, I would either split it or let him pay, I shouldn't have to pay it all though, if he was the one to ask me out.

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  • I pay every once in a while but my boyfriend pays about 95% of the time. My boyfriend feels like its unmanly if he let's me pay so when I do pay I hand the money or my card to him so he can hand it over to whomever he needs to hand it to in order to pay.

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  • Everyone will have different opinions on this. I would generally offer to split the bill. Especially at my age and meeting people at uni, most people dont have much money. Plus its generally much simpler in the beginning to not be worried about money and just go halvies. Also, especially since I want to pick what I want, which I wouldn't always feel comfortable doing if I knew the guy was footing the bill.

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  • My bf and I have an arrangement that whoever plans the date typically is the one to pay for it. With the obvious exceptions such as his or my birthday. Where one of us may have an idea for what they want for their birthday, but shouldn't pay for their own birthday. Anniversaries are also kind of a toss up. However, it lately seems to go to him, because I am bad at planning/decision making. However, at the beginning of our relationship he mostly paid. I think we were both a little nervous and kind of just did the typical thing. However, we're both college students, but he gets paid considerably more than I do.

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  • i actually think that it's good for each person to pay for their own food because i think that little things like that can enforce equal voices in the relationship and discourage abusive relationships.

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    • I agree some people feel entitled and power to do as they please in their relationship because they pay everything. I however have never felt this way. I feel like as her fiance soon to be husband... that i should care for her necessities and be her protector. When she has wants, she can afford to have her wants taken care of. Like hair, nails, make up...

  • I guess I think that for the first few dates, 3-4 he should pay. After that, especially if we get into a relationship, he can be sometimes, I can pay others. 50/50. I don't like feeling like a mooch. But it's a turn off for him to be stingy. Don't worry, I know we all have bills. I'm not trying to break the bank.

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  • That guy is a misogynist. So not attractive.

    I don't mind him paying for dates, but I would DEFINITELY not feel comfortable if he always carries the weight. I would (and have) literally stare him down until he lets me pay sometimes. For me, if we're pretty much in the same financial situation, then it's 50-50. If he earns more than me, then probably I'd let him pay for like 60-75% of the dates. But there's no way I'd let the guy ALWAYS pay for dates. No matter how broke I am.

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  • I like when he pays if he invited me out.
    If I invited him out I can pay. =)
    Although he never lets me.

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  • Women like being romantic too. I think it's good to alternate who plans and who pays etc so no one feels like they as always doing everything as more importantly- IMO- no one feels patronized.

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    • I don't see a " reason" for one sex to pay over the other.. Obviously if thre is a huge discrepancy in wages then it's practical for the greater earner to pay IF they are going to be made upset if they have to do something that fits the Lower earners wages. But not bc of their sex. I just don't see any Reason and no matter how many times someone says it's just the right thing for the guy to do I don't see it. It is a kind gesture no matter who offers.

      And I don't see it as just being a kind gesture when it's done out if a sense if I oigstion. Most guys who say they see it as their job to pay also end up seeing it at the woman's job to do xyz. So bath ally they are paying for a sonething they expect to be fulfilled. Sex or cleaning or pregnancy keeping house. They are not just paying bc they feel like being kind- which isn't " romantic" or courteous at all... It's just putting a down payment on services to be rendered.

      Whereas if you're just paying bc you want to -

    • Treat someone you care about as apposed to seeing it as a duty then it is romantic and sweet and can be enjoyed without anyone feeling beholden.

      Once you start saying -once you are married- you see it as your job protect and pay for necessities, I have to wonder what in turn you see her "job " as being.

      (?)

  • I don't mind him paying all the time. But as you say it doesn't need to be grand and expensive everytime. And if i know if he's on tight budget or with some other commitment then it's totally ok to just stay home order pizza with movie marathon. It's the thought that counts

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  • Nothing is wrong with paying. Girls, including myself lllove to be powerful and in control. When it comes to paying we get all worked up and think we'll maybe he thinks i'm unable to or some other crazy thing. Ofer to pay, especially if you are the one who invited her to whereever you are at and if she disagrees just let her. If it becomes an everytime thing and she starts getting upset just calm dooown and say hey this time can i pay i mean i invited you here and if she still disaprees talk to her about what in the world is happening.

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  • If i'm in a relationship with someone and we share the bills and our expenses then it doesn't really matter who pays in my opinion.

    But if i'm going out with a guy, just dating him to see if I like him, i'm paying for my half. I don't want to a guy i'm just getting to know to be under the impression that I want him to ever pay for anything for me and I don't want him to think I want anything other than his time honestly.

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  • Women aren't starting to make more than men point blank period. The woman he's interested in might make more than him, but that's not the norm (sadly). I feel as though it doesn't matter who pays for a date. I just feel like neither partner should get too comfortable with he or she paying for the date. I personally like the idea of switching off each date or splitting the bill and yeah maybe every now and again to be spoiled and not have to pay for everything. Everyone deserves to be spoiled even a man.

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  • It should all be based around equality. I personally think that a female is aloud to pay for a date just the same amount as the guy should be aloud. There should be no disagreement between who pays because if their gender. After all , we are all untitled to equality. I'd say take turns, therefore it's fair.

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  • I agree! The best things in life are free! A dinner date in the backyard under the stars is free, and so very romantic. I don't always like the guy to pay, as I feel like I owe him something, but it is fun to be able to treat him to something nice!

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  • For me, I only let a guy pay for a date if I like him and want to see him again. If I don't want to take it further I will insist on splitting the bill. This way I don't feel like I owe the person something in return. Since the bill is settled at the end (usually) I have plenty of time to analyse and evaluate the person's character.

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  • I like the idea of both chipping in if you both work. From there if you want to treat your SO once in awhile it won't hurt.

    If one of you is dirt poor then yeah, the other person should probably pay or you guys stick to doing stuff that won't cost much.

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  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I think that nowadays, women are widely misunderstanding the term ''independent'' and basically connect it with refusing any sort of help from the opposite sex. They are calling themselves ''feminists'', which actually has nothing to do with feminism, it is simply man-hating. So consequently, when a guy is offering or insisting to pay, they take it as degrading, humiliating and a gesture showing a power over someone. In my opinion, a man paying is perfectly normal, as well as a woman too. As long as you are aware of your possibilities (that is whether you could actually pay or not) and you are confident enough to know that even if the guy is paying that doesn't make you cheap, everything would be fine. After all you are going out to have some pleasant time and enjoy yourself, not argue over who pays.

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  • I completely agree. In the past with my ex, he would let me pay for dates very rarely, and I say "let me" because he was the type of man who didn't want his significant other paying for anything. That aside, I don't mind paying for dates, as long as he is comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with treating your man :)

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