Why do I have such a boring personality to men?

Right now I'm feeling so depressed because I have a personality that is so boring to men. It's rare that I have male friends. Most men either avoid me and the others try to use me for sex. I've never been able to maintain positive male friendships of any kind where I was respected and seen as a true friend. I think its because I'm so boring and I dont make much of an impact on them. I also know they view me as stupid.

there was a colleague who I had a crush on who seemed to hit it off with a lot of women but me. He had one of those very outgoing personalities that draws a lot of people in. I tend to be very attracted to those types but rarely are they attracted to me. I was so devestated when I noticed how much more he bonded with the other women than me. I would cry often and still do. Its just so devestating to me. i dont think Ill ever have a relationship that is fulfilling if I can't change how I am. i dont even know how to

Updates:
how come no one likes me

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would imagine this would have to do with introversion, possibly some submissiveness, and a lack of matching hobbies. These are just assumptions, so correct me if I'm wrong.

    Introversion... is hard to overcome. It's hard to tell someone that they need to be more outgoing. As an introvert I know how taxing it can be to try and make the first move, or to try and hold a conversation. Online dating can sometimes help there, as guys will have a lower barrier to entry regarding sending you a message.

    Submissiveness is fine. A lot of guys are dominant. It just makes it harder for you to get noticed. Again, something online could help. Or finding places where guys tend to be more dominant in the first place... that could help. Sitting around in locations full of submissive guys is not going to result in you being approached very often.

    Matching hobbies is the key piece though, out of everything. The thing is, to make an impact on a guy, you need to have something to say, something to talk about. Don't find 'fake' hobbies that you do just because guys do them... a real fan of the hobby will smell out someone that is not really into it. But there are a lot of things that guys do... something is going to spark an interest in you. Once you find a couple hobbies you like, that are popular with the types of guys you like, geek out over them. Get right into it. Read about it, get involved. When you find a guy with similar interests, you will suddenly have a ton of things to talk about. He will remember you.

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    • I don't really have any hobbies.

      When I was in college, I would meet guys who had the same major or goals as me and I still failed to connect to them. I think my delivery or my energy is just boring or not alluring enough

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    • Why did all of them back away? I'm not worth chasing after?

    • Well, this is why I think it must be something with the personality. The fact that they approach is what is making the difference. That is usually the biggest problem for girls that struggle. So the fact that they do approach, but then back away, means there is something not sitting right. Something in the conversation topics. Something in the way you act. Something in your mannerisms. It's partially why I think depression could be a concern. It could be something else, obviously. I don't know you at all, so I can't say for sure. But it seems to me the disconnect is happening during that first or second conversation.

What Guys Said 6

  • I think...

    that not many other women are able to become grue friends with males either. They just have a bunch of shy guys who want to screw them who follow them around. I'm sure you could do that too.

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  • maybe u haven't found the right guy yet?

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    • its not that. i feel like im boring in general and i dont make much of an impact on other people

  • Just be more out going and im thinking you might come off salty towards men who approach you if you think you do just be more friendly towards people who talk to you

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    • I am not unfriendly or salty. The point is that people misconstrue my boring personality with being angry, mean or salty because I'm a darkskin black woman.

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    • Most men discriminate against darkskin black women. They are very cruel and malicious

    • Don't worry your dating path is just a little rough but just keep going foward and itll all workout for the best what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

  • If you need a friend you can message me! Or if you need any advice. But i don't know much about you so i don't really know how to give you advice with this info

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  • Do you have any hobbies or passions?

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  • You will find the right guy. You're not in the right social setting yet. You should join groups or clubs that focus on activities you like. That would be a good start.

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    • It's me. I want to be able to connect with most guys. i want to fit in more. I feel really inadequate

What Girls Said 4

  • Define your personality! Are you a bookworm? Can you talk about sny subject there is politics and fashion included or are you just one sided with one topic? Are you open minded? Are you reserved, shy and an introvert?

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    • Yes, I am a bit of a bookworm. I prefer reading online articles and forums. I like to listen to music and keep up with celebs. I am open minded but no one is allowed to see that side of me because they write me off so early. i am introverted

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    • What's your race and theirs?

    • African American or white guys.

      The short or really overweight African American guys are interested but hey are not my type at all.

  • why do you feel like you are boring? maybe you need to join some activities and hobbies

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    • I feel like I am boring because I don't leave much of an impact on the men. it seems that they enjoy other women's personality and friendships more than me. In college, the male professors would always chat with different women and they would always be rude or not seem as interested in maintaining a friendship with me like they were with other women

  • My guess is because you're passive/submissive.
    You're not as assertive with your actions.

    Most guys like a dominant woman.

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    • Yes, but as a black woman being dominant is considered a negative. It's certainly not tolerated coming from me

  • You're not open minded about the world. And you're still young. (young people are impulsive)

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