My boyfriend lied to me?

I'm okay with my boyfriend hanging out with his guy friends, but lately he've been going to the bar a lot and got super drunk. I told him not to go there that often. He said okay. Then, he told me he has to go to the gym, turns out he goes to the bar with his friends (again). I tried calling him a lot of time but no answer. What should I do about this now?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I told him not to go there that often."
    You're trying to control him. That won't work; the most likely outcome is that he'll end up doing the very thing (s) you're telling him not to do.

    "I tried calling him a lot of time but no answer."
    That's a combination of controlling and nagging. It's a good bet that he knows why you're calling, but he just doesn't want to deal with you when you're in that state of mind.

    Bottom line, do you trust him, and are you willing to let him be his own person? If the answer to either question is no, why are you in a relationship with him?

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    • "I told him not to go there that often." NOT not at all. The problem here's I don't want him to be an alcoholic. Getting drunk every single day is not healthy nor reasonable.
      "I tried calling him a lot of time but no answer." because he lied to me. He supposed to be at the gym
      It's not a matter of trust here. It's a matter of his health and being an alcoholic affects our relationship in a negative way.

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    • I think the only thing you can really do, aside from letting him know how destructive his behavior is towards himself and towards the relationship, is to hang back and let him do what he's going to do. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and correct his behavior, but it's far more likely that he'll descend into alcoholism. The signs of addiction are there, such as getting hammered every day and lying to cover it up. The ultimate decision is yours, of course; if I were in your situation, I would have ended the relationship already.

    • May be just peer pressure?
      I tried, but he comes back very drunk and start yelling at me telling me to leave him alone when I tried to make him a cup of tea and change his clothes. He also pushes me away when I tried to position him to his side of the bed...

What Guys Said 3

  • You should STOP trying to control him and let him hang out with his friends. Wow, you are the practical embodiment of what men tend to hate. You are extremely controlling. Assuming you do not have a good reason as to why it bothers you that he gets drunk at a bar with his friends?

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    • He does this every day, and this is not healthy. I didn't tell him not to go there at all, just not to go there that often. Did you read my questions or are you just dense?

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    • I am going based on the question which clearly sounds controlling. I personally do not drink but why do you feel that you have a right to tell him to not get drunk? If he keeps getting drunk then leave. Do not try and fix him and make the mistake most women make.

    • His decision to get drunk is not your problem. Leave him if you don't want him getting drunk that much.

  • Well he may become alcoholic lator if he doesn't stop now... i could never go to a bar and get drunk everyday!! That's just too, much alcohol... And i am afraid to say that you two might wanna take some kinda counseling... and of not then breaking is the only way

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  • Dump that drunk ass!

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    • It just started 2 weeks ago, it's not a habit yet I think he can stop. That's why I asked him to go there less often... What should I do now?

    • He lied to you. That's the issue.

    • I confronted him. He said he really thought he was going to the gym, but his friends hit him up so he went to he bar with them. He has no intention to lie to me in the first place, and he said that I should trust whatever he tells me. Yet, this is not the first time this happens. Every time same excuse.

What Girls Said 2

  • If he goes every day then it's definitely unhealthy and you need to definitey sit him down and express your concerns and how it will effect your reationship if he carries on this way, for all you know he could come back so drunk he might start getting aggresive towards you and don't want to live like that.

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    • It just started 2 weeks ago, it's not a habit yet I think he can stop. That's why I asked him to go there less often... What should I do now?
      Yes, he comes back very drunk and start yelling at me telling me to leave him alone when I tried to make him a cup of tea and change his clothes. He also pushes me away when I tried to position him to his side of the bed...

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    • Asking him to "not contact his friends anymore" sounds a little... controlling I suppose, and if I say that I'm sure he would say "You sound controlling I have my own social life etc"... One of his friend's girlfriend is super controlling (she's very controlling) so because of her he lost all his friends. SO now whenever I tried to say something about his friends he said "I don't wanna be like that guy. See? He lost all his friends and become a loner!"... How to tell him that his situation is different and that I'm not controlling like that girl, I'm just being reasonable.

    • Tell him you not telling him he can't hang out with his friends at all, he using that fear of sounding controlling against you which is wrong... tell him you just wamt to be able to spend time with him after work and say to him "i am your girlfriend and your showing no care or hardly any attention to me lately and it's hurting me, you don't just have your friends in your life you have a girlfriend too", remind him of that because i feel like he needs reminding, he's the one being extremely selfish. He's completely caved into the peer-pressures of society, one of the preconcieved notions is that if you don't spend 24/7 socializing with your friends and even spend 1 or 2 days with anyone else or for persona your space your some how a loner, so your friends want you to be what they make of you, he's completely letting them make him worry what everyone thinks if he doesn't live up to that.

  • No one can have a normal and healthy relationship with an alcoholic.

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    • It just started 2 weeks ago, it's not a habit yet I think he can stop. That's why I asked him to go there less often... What should I do now?

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