Will you date a man that is less established than you are?

Ladies I want to hear your response to this one. Let's say you make twice as much as a man or you are twice as educated. Whatever the case, does the guy have a chance?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I'm planning on getting a PhD; it's basically required for what I want to do (academia, in the long term). So it would be stupid of me to expect a guy to have as much education as I do at that point. I'd prefer that my guy either have at least a Bachelor's degree or be in the process of pursuing one. If, however, he's a soldier, policemen, fireman, or other job like that which doesn't require an advanced education, then that would be okay. But if a guy didn't value education, I'd have a very hard time getting along with him. In short, half as much education isn't a big deal as long as he values education and (in most cases) at least had something post-high school.

    As far as money, well, people in the academic realm tend not to make a lot of money. So if my guy made only half as much as me, that's probably about what you'd make working full-time at McDonalds. A slight exaggeration, perhaps, but my point is made. A guy's gotta either be a student or be making a decent living for me to consider dating him. My job won't ever support a family by itself, that's for sure!

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    • I like your answer, sounds well though out. You will for sure have a good man one day:)

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    • I'm guessing English major. "Anny" always has well written and thought out responses.

    • Aww, thanks! :) You're close. I was an English major for 3 semesters, but now I'm in Zoology. But the complement is much appreciated!

What Girls Said 13

  • I thought that my ex and I had a solid relationship outside of our careers. I never looked down on him for not having a college degree because I thought he was a lot more savvy than most guys in my career who were just book smart. I am an engineer and everyone assumes that I would be more attracted to professional men. My ex worked in construction and we had met when I was just getting through college. What can I say, I get weak in the knees around guys with strong hands and tool belts. :)

    But things got rough when he began to feel insecure around my friends when they talked about more intellectual things at parties and get-togethers and he would complain the entire evening afterward. The insecurity got so bad that it ruined our relationship and he always thought that I was going to break up with him for someone more educated.

    So, I would have to say that I am cool about dating less established men, the question is if they feel comfortable around me.

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  • I think, for me it depends on how ambitious the guy is, but not exactly how Mealadie described ambitious, I'm taking a different angle here (I do respect hers though). I am one to think that education is highly important, but I don't measure education by degree or title, I would rather of course the guy had a similar or higher degree because he'd feel more secure (sometimes) but if he didn't I'd hope he was out to either get one, in which case he'd have my entire support, or if you say like firefighters, policemen, etc. I'd hope he was ambitious enough to educate himself in other aspects, either, take various courses or just be a really well-read man, and just generally wanting to know more about things, I like it when a guy knows a little more than me, because I ask a lot heh, and if he can't answer little breaches can open.

    Professionally speaking, I wouldn't mind if I made more money as long as he was ambitious (there goes that word again) enough to pursue the highest position in his field of choice, and if he's truly happy and enjoys where he is. As long as he is not a conformist, I'm good to go. =)

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  • As long as he can hold a intelligent conversation, is well read, curious, open-minded then no have twice the amount of education doesn't make difference. Their are plenty who have plenty of education but are so incredibly socially awkward, snobby, pretentious, judgmental etc. As long as he has tried to fulfill his potential that is the most important - if he is good at something and has tried to use those qualities/strengths at a advantage that is the most important. If he has settled for 'less' of himself because he is lazy/unmotivated that would be a definite turn off. As for money, that is a tricky question - all depends on how unconventional or untraditional the woman is. If he wants to sit at home all day, be lazy, or not look for work their is no way he would have a chance with me. (at least). Again, it depends on the girl.

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  • I first study the WHY's of things and the mental/maturity/emotional/knowledge level despite the difference.

    Did they had to raise their sister because parents died or accidentally got a girl pregnant and had to work their ass off to shoulder their responsibility and couldn't pursue further education. Do they plan to continue when they get the money/time or have they given up completely/stable without it? Are they stagnant or attempting to make the most out of their life (strive for promotions within their current field/requesting cross-training to ensure job security)? Are they uneducated because they are lazy/dumb or have lower wages because they don't want or can handle/display bad work ethics so as not to be promoted/demonstrate they can't handle/or are unwilling to handle more responsibilities in a higher paying but more taxing job?

    I then look at how the why's affected their level in life and their possible/potential future. How they are as conversationalists, debaters both political and religious, financial budgeters, are they responsible mature adults despite it all? Are they stable and secure? If the pay differences means I would bear the larger financial burden in the relationship what would he bring to other parts of the relationships that would balance it out? How is their ability to relate to me or understand where I'm coming from. Do they like the things I like or would I end up boring them (or they I)?

    Unfortunately, the general stereotype that the less education or pay differential = a less compatible mate (an unbalanced relationship as a whole) is close to the truth and the correlation can undermine many to even embark on a relationship. It isn't the lack of a similar education or pay but the underlying reasons why and the probable future it creates that causes many women to balk.

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  • I would say yes, but only if the guy is ambitious. If the guy is less established than me, and has no desire to improve or grow himself, then I would have no interest in being with him.

    I am a very ambitious person myself, and I simply want someone that is as driven as I am. So it wouldn't matter if he had less than me, only matters that he wants more for himself. That's not too much to ask is it? :-)

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    • Well stated I totally agree!!

    • So is having goals the same as having drive? Or does he need both in your opinion?

    • They are different. First you set goals for yourself and second you have the drive to achieve those goals. He needs both. :-)

  • Hmmm. A tiny chance. Especially if we're planning to go farther than dating.

    i'm not a big fan of people weighing me down. If I'm working on my masters and he barely graduated from high school & I'm a neurosurgeon and he can only get a job at mcdonald's - I don't think he's going to be able to contribute much & that's not cool with me.

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  • Of course and I have done so in the past! I don't care about what career or job he has, how "established" he is, his status/income, his level of education etc at all. Its just not relevant to me. As long as he can pay his own way and doesn't expect me to financially support him all the time then its not even an issue.

    As for education, I have a Bachelor of Arts degree (with High Distinctions). Every man I have dated, included my two serious boyfriends have been much less educated. My current boyfriend didn't even finish high school. It makes no difference to me at all.

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  • I will need him to be just as smart as me, but there are so many types of intelligence that this becomes hard to qualify. Just someone who is at least interested in philosophy, science and ethics and can challenge me on it.

    'I come from a very very rich family so how rich he is doesn't matter to me.

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  • NO! I feel that a guy should at least be where I am or higher. I am only attracted to men who are ambitious and goal oriented. I only like guys who are going places because that is where I am in life. I can do bad all by myself. That's just the way I see it and I would rather remain single than have it any other way.

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    • Just because a has less than you does not mean he is doing bad. For example, what if you were a doctor and you were dating a police officer? Someone can be both ambitious and goal oriented and have less than you.

    • O. K. At this point in my life. It kind of does. I am referring to my situation as it is right now. From a dating stand point, I would like the guy to be pursuing his own education, not living with his parents, and at least be able to support himself. I have come across so many men who didn't meet at least that criteria and it was rather unattractive. Long term I can't help who I fall in love with. If I somehow end up falling for a policeman after I've busted my ass for 8 years. + so be it.

  • No and no

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  • As long as I can have an intelligent conversation with him, I could care less.

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  • Not with me but it varies from girl to girl.

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    • Wow not with you Parmerita? ---That's cold. But it doesn't affect me as I'm not unestablished. So I guess that icon would be put to use when it comes to me lol

    • Lol sorry I wasn't trying to be cold but real. But like I said it varies and mines is from personal experience.

    • What if you have a Ph. D. Like annwyl-cariad above eventually will, but you meet a man who has a masters degree?

  • It depends on how the man feels about earning less money than you do, if he is cool with it I would say yes date him. However I wouldn't recommend that you date a man that has less education than you do because he may not be able to give you the intellectual stimulation that you need.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You better have a big wang or be extremely good looking

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    • I got both along with education and a good career. I guess I'm a winner! Lol

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    • Lol! Touche my friend:)

    • Yeah, just think about all those romance novels where the women have an encounter with Elzondo the well-endowed gardener. LOL

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