How do respond when your boyfriend hurts your feelings but he doesn't mean to?

Most of the time, if the guy I am dating hurts my feeling but I know his intentions were good, I can easily let it go. For example, if he talked about his female sporty coworker who is does crossfit, runs marathons etc. I can let it go, because I know he is not implying that I am fat, I should workout more, or that I am not fit enough, he just thinks she's neat for doing those things or something like that. (If he constantly talked about her, and made comments about her body, etc...ok, that's a different story).

The last guy I dated however would say subtle rude things that hurt my feelings. I knew this wasn't his intention but I found it dickish. I have since broke up with him for multiple reasons, but these are some examples. After a heavy petting session on his couch, the next day we were reminiscing about it and I asked him if I was too loud. He said, "Nooo" and then he added flatly with a straight face. "Unless you were faking it". He probably meant it as a joke, but I found it insensitive, since I don't have much experience and does he really think that I am the kind of person that would fake something like that?
2nd example - He constantly remarked that my hair smelled really good. Once at his place (we were alone) he commented on it, so I casually sniffed a piece of my hair to see what it smelled like (Haha - it's my hair, I can smell it if I want to). He frowned and said, Why did you do that? That's not very classy.....Ouch.

In both of these cases, I felt like speaking up for myself, but I didn't want to make a big deal over something so insignificant...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not the answer to your question but:
    My ex, had small boobs (though I like small boobs) and we were watching a football game and this chick was sitting near us and she was super hot, but I though out loud and was like "dman that chick is hot", but she had the same body type as my ex except this chick boobs were bigger. My ex was insecure about her boobs basically the rest of the relationship. Didn't mean to hurt her feelings by it hurt her pretty bad. I felt terrible.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He probably likes a girl that he can tease and will tease him back. Some people enjoy a little playful confrontation, and some don't.

    You two probably just weren't quite right for each other.

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    • Thanks for your feedback. But I am not sure if it fits here. Maybe I need to clarify a bit. If he makes such remarks, he says it with a straight face usually, sometimes frowning. One time I thought he was joking, so I joked back. His expression didn't change, and then he asked me again, Why did you do that?

    • oh... then he could just be an ass.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think I would of said something to him, like I didn't know what it smelt like or something defend yourself, sometimes guys can be rude...

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  • You forgive him because he didn't intend to. Dont get revenge its the worst thing u can do. Forgive seven times seventy. Mathew 18:21-22

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