Do you think most people who are single (not by choose) are because they have unrealistic preferences and ideas?

if not, why do you think they can't find someone?

Updates:
*choice... whoops!

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Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 22

  • I'm sure many do have unrealistic standards but from what I do notice about a lot of single people is that they constantly have a "dealbreaker." This could be anything from being a single parent to drug use, etc. I know one guy for years and he's way old and he's single because he's extremely overweight and unhygienic.

    Now overall I do feel the unrealistic "standards" issues are more of an issue with females over males. I see guys having minimal dealbreakers and even bending their dealbreakers hoping to make things work. The most they'll get criticized for is wanting a good who looks good and even then, I see plenty of guys with girls who don't fit the "good looks" yet the guy's perfectly happy.

    On the other hand, I used to read all these profiles of girls outright stating that guys need a high end college degree, a good car, and even demanding specific haircuts, etc. These I'd see right up on their profiles yet outside of a bland statement like "I have a great personality" they don't say much about themselves. You'd think they were a blank slate. So basically guys are being told they not only need to look good, but they need to have all these other things or they won't even be looked at. What seems to start out as "standards" basically turns into greed and self entitlement and guys are slowly being turned away. When I went back to check the dating site years later out of boredom, they were still online and active.

    I know it sounds like I'm generalizing guys and girls here but these are just what I've seen overtime. Obviously... "everyone's different."

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    • that's interesting because I think guys seem to put way more impirtance on looks.

      who do you mean are still on those sites, the men or the women?

  • I am in a relationship with God.
    www.thequotepedia.com/.../...ecial-worry-quote.jpg

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  • On the contrary I think most people who are single not by choice are single because they aren't out there actively looking for someone.
    With so many people out there you'll have to be dreadfully unlucky to not find someone who matches your gears just enough to grind a tad to keeps the sparks up without the teeth start flying. (mechanic joke again).

    Anyway , yeah. They weren't looking hard enough or looking at the right place me think.

    Why am I single?
    Can't say I've really been out and about looking for someone , so I suppose it's result of my laziness lol

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    • you don't think looking in the wrong place is being unrealistic?

    • Well I guess it's time to look for someone else in another place then eh? If you're looking for someone you either find that someone or die trying I suppose.

  • I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations about a lot of things, so it only makes sense that when two people get together there is friction that they maybe don't know how to deal with. Especially in 2015, where there is a lack of relationship paradigm to "follow."

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    • I'm asking about single people, not people in relationships.

    • I was talking about people getting together for the first time (meeting) and not being able to socialize for whatever reason, but mostly psychological.

  • you're either Taylor Swift or get out :/

    ... hahaa you can't take me seriously x)

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  • The only other thing I would add are the people who are less out going, in order to meet someone you have to, you know, meet people... and it's easy to over look the quiet person, also harder to get to know them. It's to bad really, in my experience those are often some of the most interesting people.

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    • ha! I'm one of those quiet ones that doesn't get out and meet people enough. but that's different. I see so many people blames others on here for why they're still single.

    • yeah that is so true, people do love to blame others for their problems.

  • I think that contributes to it. But I do think that underdeveloped social skills and character are the primary reasons most people involuntarily remain single.

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    • I wonder why so many people have such poor socializing skills. I get anxious myself, but not always. I kind of feel like a lot of issues in society would disappear if we were taught to interact with each other better in school somehow.

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    • Hmm, not sure I agree on more suing. That only makes people skittish; then they create policies around avoiding litigation, rather than going to the root of the problem and fixing it. I think it would actually compound the problem. But I do agree with your sentiment about fixing bullying, I'm just not sure more court involvement is the way to do it.

      In fact, that touches upon part of the problem--schools hands are tied on actually solving problems. Many school policies are, in fact, based around avoiding litigation. So, they can't, for example, talk about really sensitive important topics--like dating, sexual violence, safe sex--without significant parental backlash or lawsuits.

      There's a reason a teacher can't tell a boy how he should interact with women successfully, or tell a girl how she should handle boy problems or manage her sex life. It's too politically incorrect. Parents have differing religious beliefs, tolerances levels--it would be a legal mess.

    • So children's educations around such things are left to the shadows. They have to figure it out with their friends in gym locker rooms, parties, hiding info from their parents--it encourages the most normal human struggles to be relegated to ignorance, unsafe experimentation, shaming. Add in getting punished for engaging in the most human of acts--detention for leaving to use a bathroom or flirting--and you get a bunch of inhibited people afraid to be human on the most basic of levels.

      I already mentioned victim culture, robbing kids of their ability to deal with their own struggles, social media as a form of social avoidance--you get a soup of problems all contributing to social dysfunction.

  • i don't think i have unrealistic preferences or ideas but i do have preferences and i am picky on who i show interest in i think i am to young to have to settle for someone i feel is less then what i want in a person i feel a girl should have good morals and should be very beautiful if only in my eyes she does not have to be a genius but she has to be smart enough to have a intelligent conversation with me

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  • Somewhat, yes. I'm sure there are probably other reasons also like them not putting themselves out there or them being shy and all.

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  • In my opinion it's because people aren't trying. If I really wanted I could get a girlfriend by the end of this week. I just do not want want right now.

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  • it usually is the case for women, since they are the ones doing the selecting. For men, its usually due to a lack of confidence to even approach a good number of women

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    • women don't do all the selecting. there you go, proving my point. ;p

    • sure a guy chooses who they want to approach, but at the end of the day, women are usually the ones who make the last call. I think that's pretty well known by now

  • If someone is not your choice then you are forcing yourself to be with them, last time I checked humans freely choose who they want to be with.

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  • No. Human concepts mean nothing in the face of biological realities.

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  • Lol no. I just can't find anyone who likes me.

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  • No... im just shy and not actively looking :p

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  • Well it can akso be because of women having unrealistic expectations... From guys?

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  • No, I'm def. by choice. If I was wanting a relationship, I would be in one by now

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    • the question isn't are you single because you're unrealistic. it's are those who do not want to be single but are single are being unrealistic?

  • For men: no

    For women: yes

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    • that makes no sense.

    • If a woman is single, it's because her standards are too high.

      If a man is single, it's because he genuinely can't find someone

    • so you're one of those who's being unrealistic.

  • Some would say that I am single by choice... I'm not really, I have fears and self confidence issues to be able to start or maintain a relationship...

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    • what fears do you have?

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    • those are somewhat irrational reasons. you should work on that.

    • Irrational or not, all but the money thing happened to me...

  • No it's girls who have unrealistic expectations that's why they never give normal guys the time of day

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    • I was including women in the question.

      what kind of guys are not normal?

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    • I don't buy that

    • you don't buy that not all women want that?

  • Naw they could be ugly, not had a/the CHANCE encounter yet with their potential SO, have a bad personality, shy, waiting for their potential GF/BF to just pop up in their arms etc the list goes on and on i1127.photobucket.com/.../...om-add-text%201_2.gif

    How can they FIND what they aren't LOOKING for? is the better question and most people are single by choice IMHO

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    • I was only referring to those who don't want to be single.

      as far as "ugly" except for those with some sort of physical deformity or rotting teeth or that are dirty, let's be real, all it really takes to suddenly be good looking is the right hair cut/style, clear skin, clothes that look good on them, maybe a shave, a little weight lose or gain, etc. there isn't anyone that is truly ugly..

      (why do you go anon then make it obvious who you are?)

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    • make up for it*

    • no one has an ugly face, just stuff to work on.

  • I don't think so, even the girls I don't really want turn me down.

    I think it's just being unattractive. (Incredibly awkward, short and less than masculine facial features - girls call me 'cute'.) Anyway I'll keep trying...

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    • girls call guys they find attractive cute. guys don't seem to realize that for some reason.

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    • Any suggestions?

      I think it's that they just want someone more gregarious/extroverted and less awkward. I guess I've never done anything particularly exciting for a date, just like a walk somewhere nice, or meeting for a drink or even went cycling with one girl, I don't have a lot of money to do less boring things.

    • cycling sounds fun! as long as you also pick something where you're able to interact with one another

What Girls Said 9

  • For some people, that's definitely the case! Some people are so obsessed with self-centered, shallow 'preferences' that they eliminate possibility in their life to outrageous extents. They close doors of opportunity their own selves because they are being critical of another's genetic make-up.

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  • I dont think I'm too unrealsitic. I just want someone whose my age with a nice nose, nice teeth, and not trying to have sex lol. Yet I'm still single...

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  • Whenever I'm single and it's not by choice it's usually because I have unrealistic standards for who I'll date that don't match up to the standards someone I look like should have.

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    • I don't get your last line. maybe that's it, that you're putting yourself down and guys get turned off by it. they go crazy over you here, it would be the same in real life.

  • Probably. Just look at Ted on How I Met Your Mother. I think that's his name.

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    • lol, his character annoyed me.

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    • haha, I've heard of women doing that. this is the first time anyone's mentioned a guy doing it.

    • Yeah, my best friend is annoying as fck with that stuff. He's always like "nah, she doesn't meet my requirements." I also get a little annoyed because it's like, what makes you think you're so special that you can have all those requirements for someone? I mean, if I found out that in order for me to be with my hypothetical boyfriend, haha, I had to meet all his requirements, I'd feel a little offended in a way (I know, weird, since I met them so shouldn't I feel happy? LoL).

      Also, it's like, why limit yourself to all of that? I mean if you get along with the person really well, have lots of common interests but also enough of differences to keep things interested and you are attracted to them, isn't that enough? He's so stupid sometimes.

  • I think it's because I'm too fat and ugly to get the types of guys I want and I hate the guys who like me

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    • you're not ugly. you may be fat but that's fixable. start by changing your diet. replace the junk eith health snacks you like. also, eating more healthy fats causes you to burn more fat.

  • I'm single "by choice" but I don't have unrealistic expectations at all.

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  • I think it's one or more of these:
    1) They're really shy/don't approach people
    2) They don't know where to find other singles
    3) They're aiming too high for what they are (EX: only approaching busty, fit, pretty woman while they themselves are unfit and a tad homely. Both m & f do this)
    4) They think the universe will find a mate for them.

    This is coming from someone who was on dating apps and sites for 8 months, messaged up to 100 men, went on several dates and was finally able to get a serious bf in late December.

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  • Because finding someone can be hard.

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  • Not for me. I'm single because no guy has taken the time to get to know me like that.

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    • have you taken the time to initiate anything?

    • No but I'm shy. I can only do it if the guy starts talking to me first.

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