Guys, why do men these days almost always expect the woman to plan the date even if the man does the asking out?

I'm in my early 30s but old-fashioned and if a guy asks me out, I would expect him to make suggestions regarding day and activity, rather than saying "It's up to you".


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I would say, it comes down to a couple of things.

    1. Depending on the woman, they either expect you (the guy) to be extremely decisive in the whole decision process. So you're expected to say let's meet up, drinks at x at time y. Some women like that decisiveness others think it's pushy/overbearing/classic male dominance which they're not interested in.

    2. While the point you made about women preparing themselves for date's is likely true, guys are also generally expected to foot the bill (this requires time investment, potentially stress investment from work, or potential negation of money due to having to dedicate time to this rather than work [although no person male or female should be detracting from their work for someone they're just starting to date]), they're also expected to be equally as well presented as the woman (shave/trim/shower/be well dressed etc.), and you finally you could also argue that men are expected to be in shape as well - not necessarily built like a body builder but certainly to be taking care of themselves which also requires time/effort/resources just like it does for women so I would say this is a nullified field for both sexes.

    3. Sometimes, we want the woman to show she's actively interested in time investment in this, just like we're almost always expected to. I would rarely make a comment that could sound sexist, but unfortunately most women I know/have dated think that by the divine grace of them showing up we should be thankful and invest a certain effort for them to be around us. While ya that should be expected of both sexes, my view - and likely the view of most males - is that this expectation is more biased from the women's side towards us.

    4. There are plenty of times where either gender will feign interest in something so the person planning the date caters to that interest (a favorite time of alcohol etc.) only for the other person to actually hate it. Unfortunately this is again, only from my experience, way

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    • more common from the female side. I've been on plenty of dates where girls tell me oh I really like rock climbing, or I like whiskey/beer/you name it. So I cater to this and make an event that I feel is specialized to this type of thing, only for it to back fire and the girl is sitting there with a look of "Jesus Christ, just kill me now, why did I tell him I like sushi when I hate anything that resembles fish let alone raw fish".

      5. Guys are you human beings too, sometimes we just want someone to take the reins for a bit/be in the drivers seat. I juggle work, studies, athletic training, language learning, hobbies, friends, and overtime in work. By the end of any given day my first thought is, man I am going to actually murder a plate of food, so let me just call the cops on myself now, and then I am going to do something that requires no mental capacity. Probably just there and drool on myself. Ya that's a plan. So it's sometimes more relieving to have someone else just do it ONCE..

What Guys Said 3

  • because we don't live in the 40s basically... better get rid of these "old-fashioned" things...;-)

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  • It's time for girls to make an effort. We are expected to ask you, come up with a place, impress you, pay, and what do girls do? Sit and look pretty. Well since for so long girls figure that they are so amazing that guys have to do everything, guys are fed up. Guys are starting to wise up now and realizing that we are just as important, and it's time for girls to rise to the new way and start offering more than just existing. Not to mention your now 32 and your value is dropping rapidly so you will now have to make more effort. The best guys are fed up with the old ways and now only fools chase, chase, chase.

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    • It's a little ignorant to think that guys are the only ones making the effort when in reality, what women do is either undervalued or invisible to men. For example, it takes a woman on average 2 hours to get ready for a date... this does not include the time and financial resources to buy a new outfit (statistically, 60% of women buy a new outfit before going on a date), go to the hairdressers, beauty salon, have a manicure done... the list goes on. And after all that, you are told that you're not making enough effort and the guy can't even be bothered to call a restaurant to make a booking.

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    • Guys are just honestly confused now what women really want. It must be great to have someone dance and woo you, take you out, do everything. But for a guy it's become a minefield of effort that more often than not ends in rejection. I've had a good time doing all the things expected of me occasionally on dates but over all it has been a whole lot of crap. I do everything and a woman does almost nothing but be good company and in the end I am informed that I didn't measure up to one of the ten thousand requirements and expectations and tests a woman will hold you to. That shit gets old pretty fast. We've had enough. Time for women to step up. If a guy showing he can 'care for you and make you feel protected' is what women want then don't punish men for it and bitch about how men are assholes for trying to do just that. It is very clear now how women think men are pigs, how we don't measure up, how even being nice must be for sinister reasons, it's confising.

    • Gosh, sounds like you have been dating the wrong women. I personally do not believe that men are pigs for trying and I respect a man who treats a woman like a lady. Perhaps I've been lucky as I have had good men in my life.

  • We are planing from decades what happened our cards are empty now this is time for you girls stop using men as a money bank.

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