Do you think it is "entitlement" to expect your partner in a romantic relationship, that if they chose to be with you, they'd want to have sex with u?

I was told by a particular member on this site that apparently if you are in a relationship with someone, it is absolutely unreasonable to expect them to want to have sex with you, because ...well, you might know better.

I personally believe that if you choose to be with someone, you actually plan on having sex with them down the road, rather than just giving them half-hearted affection while being repulsed by their physical proximity.

So I am a bit confused why it is so unreasonable to expect sexual interaction from your partner. Apparently it makes you be a scum of the earth and a disgusting person.... why? How is it any different from expecting to be hugged, cherished, loved?

If you cannot do that, why take the place from someone else who would actually care about you? Both emotionally AND physically? And someone who doesn't think of connecting with you as a chore?

  • YES, I do believe that if you expect your partner to have sex with you at any point in time just because they are your romantic partner, then you are an asshole
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  • Actually, I disagree. Sex is a biological need, and therefore it is unreasonable to refuse to have sex with your partner, as it causes them emotional and physical distress.
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  • Actually, I disagree. People show their love through physical intimacy, therefore sexuality is essential in a well-functioning relationship. If you love them, you will want to have sex with them.
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  • Actually, I disagree. Romantic relationships are different from friendship only in that there is also sex involved. No sex is not a relationship.
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  • Actually, I disagree. It is the woman's duty in a marriage to satisfy their husband's urges to prevent them from cheating. (religion says so!)
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  • Actually, I disagree. If you plan to have children down the road, she will eventually have to suck it up and have sex no matter what.
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  • Actually, if your partner is against sex with you so much, you should just find someone else.
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wanting a sexual relationship in and of itself doesn't make you entitled. However, I do think that if you feel like someone "owes" you sex for whatever reason, you're an entitled asshole. Having a romantic relationship with someone doesn't automatically mean that there must be sex. Now, that doesn't mean it's wrong for you to break up with them because you don't think your respective perspectives on sex are compatible. If you want sex in a relationship, and your partner doesn't, then break up. This is especially important because there are some people who are asexual and don't want to have sex at all, but still desire romantic relationships. Those relationships are still valid, and those people should still have the chance to be loved.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Lol I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the gagger who said that was female. That word gets thrown around a lot by them which is especially funny since they are often just as entitled but in different ways.

    If you expect sex everytime you want it yeah it could be entitlement. However expecting it to be a somewhat regular occurance I think is perfectly reasonable. That's part of the reason why you got in the relationship in the first place.

    When you enter a relationship and take yourself off the market, you are agreeing to only have sex with your partner under the assumption that they will actually have sex with you. Otherwise you're just close friends and might as well just end it and find someone else.

    I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who views having sex with me as a "chore" or like they are doing me a favor. There should be mutual desire.

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    • But what if her sexual desire is like once a month but you want it two times a week? Isn't it still regular if it's once a month?

      It's kind of a joke that you say guys take themselves off the market to only be with one girl, when in most cases, they couldn't get friends with benefits or ons if their lives depended on it.

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    • If they're both happy, they're both happy. I actually don't think there's a 'should' here for all couples. If there are 'should' its that if you have entered into a permenant relationship, you should put in effort to try to align your libidos, etc. But if you're both happy, you're both happy.

      "more special' kind of sucks to me, for sex. I can see how a woman would feel that way, but women aren't generally feeling pressured not to cum too fast or their partner doesn't get off, and they only end up with a tiny bit of sex for the month.

      Obviously there are other ways to get your partner off. Unless your partner is the type to just say 'forget it don't bother' and go to sleep seeming bitter about it.

What Girls Said 5

  • if I'm not married to them, i certainly dont expect sex. i have been in relationships without sex and the chemistry was just fine. i think relationships are so much more than the physical aspect.
    however, if this man becomes my husband, i would expect that he would want to share those intimate moments with me. if he didn't, id kind of feel belittled, or not attractive enough to trigger that desire within him.

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  • No, I don't think it's "entitlement" to want sex when in a relationship. Of course, I suppose it depends on how the individual couple views the concept of sex and its importance in relationships. But, for many people in relationships, sex is a way of physically expressing their affection and love for each other. At least, that's how I view it and that's why so many people do "expect" it in relationships.

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  • I don't know how to vote on this crappy poll.

    Obviously, physical intimacy is one way to show your love, but if she has no sexual desire at that moment, because there are other things going on, it will feel like a chore. Similar to when you share household duties... how you don't want to scrub the toilet yet, because you don't think it's dirty, but she think it's very dirty and wants you to scrub it every two nights.
    Now reverse the gender, replace toilet with sex and dirty with sexual desire being built up in you.
    Most men can understand they have a higher sex drive than women, but they don't want to hear or understand why and that it feels like a chore for her, because she has a lower sex drive.

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    • www.webmd.com/.../loss-of-sexual-desire-in-women

      Common causes for a loss of sexual desire and drive in women include:

      Interpersonal relationship issues. Partner performance problems, lack of emotional satisfaction with the relationship, the birth of a child, and becoming a caregiver for a loved one can decrease sexual desire.
      Sociocultural influences. Job stress, peer pressure, and media images of sexuality can negatively influence sexual desire.
      Low testosterone. Testosterone affects sexual drive in both men and women. Testosterone levels peak in women's mid-20s and then steadily decline until menopause, when they drop dramatically.
      Medical problems: Mental illnesses such as depression, or medical conditions, such as endometriosis, fibroids, and thyroid disorders, impact a woman's sexual drive both mentally and physically.
      Medications : Certain antidepressants (including the new generation of SSRIs), blood pressure lowering

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    • You clearly have never done things you don't feel was necessary but the other party feels is necessary and you did it just for her. I don't know how else to compare low sex drive with a high sex drive. You are free to give a better example. Maybe romance? Is that better?

      How about surprise her with romance in the same frequency as you want sex?
      Whenever girls demand romance from their bf, they get told they only did those romantic things to GET her.. and once in a relationship it's supposedly clear that it doesn't stay the same? How is that not tricking her into thinking she's found the perfect romantic guy for a relationship? The men will come up with excuses like.. I'm tired, I have so much less time now since I've started working, since I've started living alone and need to do the household myself, I still need to take care of my various hobbies, I have no ideas (anymore), I have no time to think of new ones.. I'd rather do.. something else.

    • Yes, and I remember clearly that she also said it happened ONLY "once the causes for PAIN was solved". So it means they were working on solving those problems as a couple. You make it sound like it was a blissful transistion WITHOUT any troubles.

  • If he doesn't want to have sex with me, then we are not going to be together. It just won't work, a relationship needs sex.

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  • Find someone else for shizzle

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    • Well of course, but is it that despicable to expect that your own partner would want to have sex with you? :o

    • No sex = no love or relationship... I would've peace out on him if he's repulsed by sex fuk him... so many guys wanting to fuk and I'm waisting my time with a niggar (I'm black so I'm entitle to say this) that doesn't want to fuk? PEACE

What Guys Said 13

  • Voted G but I think it's actually irresponsible of asexuals to enter romantic relationships without disclosing it. When you become a couple there's a presumption of monogamy. If you want something else: celibacy or an open relationship for example - you need to bring that up.

    Unfortunately a lot of people with low to no drive (who incidentally are usually hostile, not indifferent. To sex) aren't aware that they're unusual. They don't think about their low desire because they simply don't think about sex at all.

    Add in traditional social conditioning which steered everyone to abstain till marriage and you have three big myths that cause problems (all of which presumed strong heterosexuality in everyone)
    - if people are in love they will wait. This came from a time when waiting meant 'a few months till you could marry'. You know when in history deeply intimate multi year pure love sexless relationships were normal? Never.
    - sex will work out if you love each other. Again this myth is required if you want people to not test for compatibility.
    - sex isn't important love is. This again is a myth pushed to discourage premarital sex. If sex is so unimportant why was 'wedding night' synonymous with sex? Like sex doesn't matter. Till you're married. At which point you maybe wait a few hits tops before fucking.

    Anyway G is the answer. Ideally people would disclose sexless desire early. Unfortunately they often don't. And unfortunately young people are often willing to 'wait' and mistake what they're doing for waiting. They don't make that mistake twice - they will never wait a long time in a future relationship before establishing compatibility again.

    The other unfortunate is that you can have comparability and then post children or whatever one persons drove plummets.

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    • I agree that asexual should disclose it.. but don't you think they all do already by saying they're saving it for marriage?

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    • that you interpret as pure evil.

    • @bubble_tea yup. I mean i have had moments of despair where i just wondered why, why they ever went out with me. But it's not their fault. And we can also say 'oh you should check beforehand'. But it didn't occur to most people to check that someone who wants to date them physically desires them!

      If we're going to blame anyone, its a culture that has for generations pushed the idea that sexual compatibility is irrelevant. An idea that probably came from a time when wives weren't expected to be asked for consent, it was just part of being a wife. Now we expect everyone will want sex, and there's constant c rap that with sufficient romance and communication, everyone wants lots of sex. Which is so not true.

      My own experience, and what i've heard most often, is that romance works very badly with very low drive women. It might help those who are not so far apart, but those with a big drive mismatch, romance is interpreted as pressure to sexually perform.

  • It is selfish and premature to want sex before marriage in my opinion. It's a fast way to stunt your relational foundation and ruin what you have.

    True love is something rarely found ever, but it is never found by having sex before the foundation is laid, and never before the life commitment. That's my opinion.

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    • so what about after marriage

    • Definitely. Sex should happen often. It is the reward for truly getting to know, understand, and love the heart of your mate. There is no more powerful bonding tool that two people have than sex. It transcends the physical, and goes deep into the spiritual. It creates and establishes trust, vulnerability, and the emotional aspect of it can never be overestimated.

      If a wife deprives her husband of it, she is shooting herself in the foot. If he deprives her of it, he is doing the same. God made us men to not just want sex, we crave it. We do insane things to get it, so if the woman who pledged her life to us denies us her body, she can expect us to find other ways of being satisfied.

      It's as simple as that.

  • Actually you make a solid point on this topic. It shouldn't be unreasonable to think sex should be a given in a strong and meaningful relationship. I may be part of a minority with my idea that sex is the physical embodiment of the emotional bond. Those that choose to have sex as a recreation won't get this as of corse argue it and that's all good too. You had way too many appropriate option to pick one only.

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    • Pick the option that resonates most well with you :D That's why there are 7.

      ""my idea that sex is the physical embodiment of the emotional bond""
      I just find it odd that there are people who actually see it otherwise, or more-so the exact opposite. Mostly females. I wonder how that belief comes to happen.

    • Casual sex doesn't require any feelings for the other person much less a bond. There is a world of difference between fuc@ing and making Love

  • U can call it whatever term you want, bro.

    I'm not going to be in a long term celibate relationship.

    Sex in the near future is one of my requirements in a girlfriend.

    It's not the ONLY thing I want... but to me sexual play is a major indicator that distinguishes a relationship, from a friendship.

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    • I put entitlement in quotation marks because I think it's silly that one "mustn't" expect ANYTHING out of a relationship

    • I have to disagree there. I do have requirements. Requirements aren't a bad thing.

      With any arrangement, there should be expectations that you want, in order to have that arrangement worth upkeeping. Otherwise I will end the arrangement and find someone who will be more worthwhile of my time and energy investment.

    • Exactly! I think this "entitlement" thing is just a single-word synonym for that "This is not a requirement for me and therefore if it is a requirement for you then you are a horrible person because I am unable to comprehend why you want something so much that I don't."

      Ain't that right, @pooper89 ?

  • C and G.

    Many people, especially many women, seem to be confusing thinking oneself entitled to something with thinking oneself deserving of something and with merely desiring something. I think that says more about their mentality than about the mentality of the people they are accusing!

    No one is entitled to sex, true. But, I do think that one does deserve sex from one's partner. And it should be borne in mind that no one is entitled to a relationship or any kind of affection, either.

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  • Sure, sex may occur later on down the road, but it is absolutely unreasonable to expect your partner to immediately consent to physical relations just because you happen to be horny. Turning down sex does not mean your significant other is repulsed by bodily contact or somehow don't care about you. There are a wide variety of reasons for someone to turn down sex. Sorry, but you're just going to have to respect their decision until they themselves determine it is the right time for them to have sex.

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    • Of course that's completely unreasonable, and I never meant that everyone should always be up to it. There are valid reasons why they shouldn't. It's just that people tend to be like "if your girlfriend isn't ready after waiting like a year and you're expecting her to have sex then you're an entitled asshole" like what? After a year you should totally want to be jumping my bones already, unless you're just faking our relation, LOL

  • I don't know, its certainly not unreasonable to expect that from your partner and definitely doesn't make you the scum of the earth. I think its generally better not to assume though, if she's your partner you should be able to talk about it. If her views dont line up with hers, well there you go, you have a good reason to leave.

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  • I don't see anything wrong with it all. It's definitely not entitlement, all relationships start with physical attraction.

    So both people want to sleep with each other from the jump anyway.

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    • That's what I would assume too, hence why I don't understand why expecting sexual activity equals to "entitlement".

  • Just saying, the final option fits very well with every other option.

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    • That was created in case someone seriously dislikes every other option.

    • Final option is easy and correct unless you have kids.

      Then it gets reallly complicated.

  • Sex is not required by any means. Even after marriage the couple may just decide to adopt or could just not be able to have sex. Sex =\= love.

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    • Why not? Then what are they? How are they related?

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    • Many people claim that they would only have sex with someone they love, and therefore the two are interlinked. What do you think about that?

    • They are different feelings completely. People who think like that have prioritized those feelings.

  • its not an obligation but if you don't get it it could be a reason to end the relationship (G)

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    • It might not be an obligation, but is it "entitlement" to think that at some point they'd be interested?

  • yes. provided they have agreed not to.

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  • I think it's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed/frustrated/disappointed if your partner isn't willing to have regular sex, and didn't forewarn you that things would be that way.

    Also I don't think anyone has any right to be jealous if something they turned down is offered to another instead. If your partner won't have sex with you they have no right to demand that you not have sex with someone else. Expecting someone to be faithful only make sense if you actually want them (sexually).

    I voted C, could have voted G too I guess.

    I wouldn't say it's "entitled" to expect (expect as in consider it likely) that regular sex will occur, though obviously it would be entitled to think your partners obliged to have sex with you - but neither are you obliged to stay.

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