Gaining confidence to approach women?

For me it seems like confidence is just as elusive as getting an actual girlfriend. I have several reasons: overweight, no career (I have a job as a Pharmacy tech and trying to get into pharmacy school. In the meantime doing nursing just to have a something that can pay the bills and get my own place). I am still living with the folks. Everytime I think about talking to a girl these things always flash into my head. Then I always ask myself why would a girl want someone at my age that is not established yet and still with his folks, even though I am trying to do something and have an end goal of becoming a Pharmacist. Then the last problem is I tend to think faster then I talk, which sometimes translates to stuttering, or talking to fast. I also tend to mumble, or incoherently, which I have to make a conscious effort not to do. So there are a lot of things going against me, then most of the girls I find attractive can probably get any guy they want, whereas I have had limited success.

P.S. There are a few girls that I would love to approach at the gym, but just can't come up with the courage to do it. Especially when there are several guys who have the physical attributes and success that most women would want.

I need some help getting over the freezing effects of nervousness and the inability to make small talk with a girl and not feel embarrassed to ask them out and let them know I am interested in them then more than a friend.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • confidence won't get you a girlfriend. it only gets you to the door so the girl can actually see you knocking. It's still up to her at the end of the day as to whether or not she'll even open that door for you. A confident guy who isn't her type (like say, a guy who is shorter than she is) probably won't get her interested no matter how confident you are. But to get over your approach anxiety, you kinda have to start small and work your way up. I would start talking to girls who you aren't all that attracted to. You can even start talking to more guys too just to build your communication skills. Also, you've gotta work on yourself a bit.

    Confidence can be drawn from your personal success stories and achievements in life, but if you have none to pull from, you start ending up having to fake confidence, and you dont really want to be doing that for too long. What you want is real genuine confidence, and that takes time, but not as much time as you may be envisioning. All depends on how seriously you take this

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What Girls Said 1

  • NEVER approach a girl at the gym. To creepy. And self-confidence comes with time.
    From a girl who is to nervous to talk to a guy, to get over the 'nervousness' try and talk to coworkers first.
    Ask for tips from your male friends. (For me I asked my female friends)
    It's okay that you still live with your folks, most people still do. Just try not to mention it, until farther into the relationship.
    Just take each thing slowly. Build up confidence by talking to the girl one day at a time. Small talk, like music or movies. Even politics if you are confident in your knowledge of it. I'm sure she'll know that you like her over time. We have this 'radar'.
    JUST BREATHE.

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    • That is the funny thing I can talk and joke with my co-workers or people that I have been around for a little while. Then when I see a girl I want to talk to all of that goes out of the window.

What Guys Said 2

  • I know how to solve your problem. Find a woman who wants to learn English or pack your panties and go to a spot full of women who are looking for an American to talk to.

    In central and south Americas you have your gold diggers, butter flies, jocky's and working girls all who will sit down and speak with you in English . You can get laid for money, a smile, or just by being right. The beautiful thing is you don't have to ask for sex, if you are dumb enough you might just fall into some.

    God made a fantastic world. I know that I can get you laid for free in 24 minutes. But then I have won some bets in the past at 7 minutes for myself.

    Good luck,

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  • start slow! Keep hitting that gym and get comfortable with yourself:D set personal goals. Be positive. You just wrote a paragraph of all negative things about yourself. Open your eyes and see the world from a different view. You have to build up some self respect before you start making moves.

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