25 year old Male Virgin who had never had a Girlfriend?

I've not only never had a girlfriend, but I also have never even kissed or held hands so obviously I'm a virgin. No one but my very close friends and my parents know this about me. I've lied to everyone else to not look like some complete loser...

I've gotten very depressed about it lately though, and I'm not really sure what to do. I just feel like a loser pretty much. I've asked out girls in the past but it hasn't turned out so well. I've been rejected three times by girls I all liked. Two straight up said "no" and the other one made it clear she didn't want to talk to me again. How can I feel confident in myself when girls don't want to talk to me? I'm 25 now and most of my friends have had tons of girlfriends and seem to get girls so easily. I feel like I'll never get a girlfriend, to be honest. No girl has ever been interested in me, ever. I am one of those people that only speaks when spoken to but I open up otherwise after that. I know the one thing I lack about myself is confidence, but how on earth do you gain that? I also have a very avoidant personally type I believe so I never really approach girls I'm interested in.

Unlike a lot of people my age, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs and I don't feel like that scene of meeting girls at clubs and bars is for me but I live in a town where most of the girls are obsessed with partying.

I mean, I haven't even kissed a girl and I'm 25. Isn't that a red flag? Not only that, If I ever did get a girl interested, I'm pretty sure my lack of experience would turn her off.

What are your thoughts, I'd like to hear what you have to say...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "How can I feel confident in myself when girls don't want to talk to me?"
    You've got it backwards. You have to be confident in yourself first, then it will show and girls will want to talk to you.

    "I'm 25 now and most of my friends have had tons of girlfriends and seem to get girls so easily."
    Stop comparing. You'll never "beat" them but it doesn't matter one way or another and getting a girlfriend shouldn't be about beating them anyway.

    "I feel like I'll never get a girlfriend, to be honest."
    You're 25. There's a lot of years left in your life to find someone my friend.

    "No girl has ever been interested in me, ever."
    That you know of.

    "I am one of those people that only speaks when spoken to but I open up otherwise after that."
    Push yourself to be the first to say something. Notice when you're waiting to say something and say something anyway. Practice things you can say to open conversations, and then use them.

    "I know the one thing I lack about myself is confidence, but how on earth do you gain that?"
    Confidence is gained by not having anything to prove. If you stop judging yourself so harshly for something that doesn't reflect on your value as a human then you'll in turn stop telling yourself that you're shit.

    "I also have a very avoidant personally type I believe so I never really approach girls I'm interested in."
    That's just an excuse man. If you want to talk to girls, you can't hide behind the fact that you don't want to talk to girls.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Dude. I'd marry you right here right now. Absolutely nothing wrong with your situation. Except... quit being so down about it!

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  • Trust me, you are not the only one who is in this situation. Don't be depressed about this though. Sex and relationships are wonderful but you want it to be with the right person. Maybe for you she just hasn't come yet. And I know that sounds cliché but I honestly believe that there is someone for everyone. And if a girl really cares for you she won't have a problem with your lack of experience. If anything, she'll help you to learn and teach you how wonderful all of it can't be.
    Don't be pressured by social Stigma that comes from not having sex in school or earlier in life. It doesn't mean anything about you're character and qualities. But if you really want something that'll help you step out of the box with your confidence, just try something you've never done before. You may hate it, you may love it but the point is you'll feel good for having done it at all. It'll help boost your confidence.

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  • The key to gaining confidence is that you can't equate it with other people or with dating. You have to essentially like yourself. You have to look at yourself (literally) every day and consider something you like and appreciate about yourself. Gradually because you are pleased with/confident about these traits (either physical or intellectual attributes, special skills, etc.), you'll see that others will notice them too. You'll see a gradual change in your posture, your readiness to smile and address others, who have other skills you admire and would like to learn more about.

    It doesn't take the same time for everyone, but the key is always the same: Like yourself and others will like you because they'll sense your confidence and want to spend time with you.

    In terms of then hitting the next level (to approach girls), you'll have built enough overall confidence that it doesn't seem strange to approach them. With physical contact, start slow and see what signals the girl is sending you. While you're talking, make a joke or comment (even something as simple as "Oh, excuse me a moment") and touch her arm or hand when you say that. What is her reaction? If she flinches or looks at your hand like she's offended, then that's not the gal for you, If she responds positively, then you konw that she welcomes another similar contact.

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  • Cougar women, well some of them, would love a guy like you

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  • I'd try to be a bit more outgoing. You don't have to meet girls in bars but there are plenty of other places to meet them. Try to strike up a conversation with them about something simple like a book they could be reading at that moment, but try not to come on to strong. And most girls I know wouldn't be turned off because you haven't kissed a girl before. It took me a while before I ever kissed anyone. There is no age limit for this type of thing. It all depends on your personal preference and comfort zone. You'll get there, just believe in yourself! :)

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What Guys Said 5

  • The bar scene may not be for you but maybe it is at least a good temporary training ground. Go out with your friends and pay attention to what they say/do. Maybe ask them to tutor you. I'm sure they'd love to be your wingman.

    When you start feeling a bit more comfortable then drop the bar scene and meet girls elsewhere.

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  • Well the OP is not active on this question anymore

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  • I feel like that at 17...

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  • thats why i sometimes hate being born male, why i picked this username

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  • in some ways i'm kinda jealous, envious of how girls are valued for their youth more than guys are, it's a long story.

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