Is giving someone "a chance" in dating really the wisest thing?

When someone asks someone for a date and the other party isn't terribly interested, is giving the asker "a chance" the wisest thing? I'm not talking about, "no one owes you a chance" (with which I whole heartedly agree), but is it truly a good idea from a rational and even compassionate standpoint? I personally think it's neither wise nor compassionate in most cases, but I'm curious what others think.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • NO it is not compassionate or rational unless if the reasons for the negative view can be remedied.

    I've heard this many times over. Whenever I'm asked why I don't give the guys who come up to me a chance, I say that because it will end in disaster. Always.

    I think if people acquiesce to the request of the Asker, the Asker may think--erroneously--that the person is truly into them. That would be lying to the Asker and is completely unfair to them. They should be with someone who honestly truly likes them for who they are.

    For me, it's always the physical attraction. So many wo/men have said, "But you'll become attracted to him once you get to know him". I've tried that and it DOESN'T happen with me. The guy gets a pretty girl and he thinks that I'm attracted to him (lie) while I have this lie that I'm keeping up and feel horrible for going with it to make sure that he doesn't get "hurt".

    He will get hurt either way--I'd rather simply be honest.

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    • Yeah, I tend to agree with you.

      "He will get hurt either way--I'd rather simply be honest."
      Which do you believe will hurt worse; agreeing to go out with him when you don't want to, or rejecting him outright?

    • The former. If he knows my true intentions after, he might think I led him on.

    • Thanks for stopping by.

What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think it is a wise idea.

    You shouldn't have to "beg" someone to date you "oh, come on, give me a chance.". You either want to date someone or you don't. Anything less than a desire to date is a pity date; this is neither wise nor fair to either party. I have never heard of this ending well. In a way, the party " giving someone a chance" is leading the other on, knowing the person doesn't have the basic qualities they are seeking.

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  • If you don't want to be with the person, then that's your right not to be with them. Just ask them to be friends and see where things go from there

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    • I agree it's a person's right to refuse a date. My question has to deal more with the wisdom of it, rather than if anyone has a right.

      Personally I believe giving someone a chance is often not the wisest or even the most compassionate thing to do.

  • First impressions aren't always the best, whether we like it or not we all "judge a book by its cover". Sometimes when we really sit down and get to know someone we find our first impressions to them werent our true feelings... So yes i think giving someone a chance is a fine idea. Does it have its flaws? Yes of course but what doesn't :P

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    • Have you found someone that you really like by doing this?

    • Show All
    • Gotcha. Thanks for sharing.

    • Anytime

What Guys Said 6

  • Giving someone a chance is fine.

    SACRIFICING something in ORDER to give the person a chance? Now that's just plain stupid. It's also the biggest mistake most people make.

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    • I see. I've never known this situation to arise where someone has sacrificed something to give someone a chance. Have you known this to happen?

    • Yup. People give them their heart again, which is fine, but the problem is they give it WAY too soon, and after seeing WAY too little.

  • Been there, done that, never regretted it. Nor did the girls.
    But that's me: I an't vouch for others.

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    • When you say, "done that," do you mean you gave them a chance or not?

  • I think it's better than the alternative. I try to be open with people. I think attraction develops with time so unless I'm totally repulsed by the girl, I'd give her a chance. It's the only way of truly knowing whether you're compatible because first impressions can be very misleading. I'd rather know and try than wonder what if.

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  • Basically just throw salt in their face and run away

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  • Nah, I like her to just reject me so I can move on to the next one. I don't want no pity date.

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    • Yes, I tend to think rejecting someone outright is more compassionate for that very reason.

    • I think some girls are just too nice and don't want to hurt the asker feeling. They might accidentaly lead them on without knowing.

    • I totally agree. They do not realize that in being nice, they are not actually being nice. I don't think they do it on purpose.

  • Either you feel it or you don't. If you don't just leave that person alone and let them find someone that will truly like them. You can be going around the world like Gandhi giving people chances. Life doesn't work that way.

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    • Well, in dating, I tend to think that giving a person a chance is NOT the Gandhi like thing to, but it's actually compassionate to reject the person outright.

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