Would you/should you ever tell a guy you're newly dating that you have social anxiety?

Is it ever a good choice to do this? If you want to be upfront with them, and let them know what they are getting into.

Or if you are okay at covering it up for a while, should you wait until you are actually in a relationship to tell them?

What if it's a deal-breaker for a guy?

Girls have any of you had this experience, how did it flourish?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd drop hints about it, and then when you're really comfortable with him tell him. Once you're sure he's able to take the news and not react in a way that could hurt you. :)

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    • Thanks for your response. I'm so worried about telling a guy now or in the future in dating life. My ex actually did react in a weird way, I was not expecting it, we were already in a relationship. I had actually never told anyone (other than a therapist) about it, and it was hard for me but I trusted him at that point so I chose to tell him. I can say that in the moment I regretted it because of how he took it. It was quite upsetting.

      I think your approach is probably the best way to go about it though.

    • No worries, glad I was able to help :)

What Guys Said 3

  • Considering I have it to some extent as well, I'd be in seventh heaven if I found a girl just like me.

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  • Guys will actually be much more understanding of this in a girl than most girls would be with a socially-anxious guy.

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    • You know I've actually thought about this. Like I've told myself, thank goodness I'm not a guy with anxiety or it would probably be worse.

      Still, not many confident guys will want to deal with someone with baggage.

      Wouldn't guys just think you're weird and break it off?

    • Yes, it's MUCH worse as a guy. If a guy is shy, unconfident, awkward, Autistic, etc., it all counts against him. Cause girls, even ones with those same problems, only want confident, outgoing, well-adjusted guys who make a good impression on all their friends and family.

      Well, it depends. Do you act especially weird? What are some things your anxiety causes you to do? Are you anxious being one-on-one with someone or just in big crowds?

  • I do to,. it was really bad when I was younger

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What Girls Said 1

  • It will be a deal breaker for secure men. The only guys that would find that attractive would be love avoidant types (these guys only tend to hump and dump you)
    So basically you are saying 'I have low self esteem and come and rescue me'
    I wish you luck with that!

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    • That's what I thought/think. It's so hard to find anyone that would be ok with hearing it.

      Is there any way that a guy would see it as more of a condition? I mean, what if the girl doesn't want him to 'save' her but to just be ok with it, understanding and supporting.

    • Never ever point out your flaws to anyone.
      Keep all that stuff to yourself and work on accepting yourself before you even think about looking for a guy. Think about it, if you can't accept yourself (as is) why would anyone else?
      I had to do this and it worked for me.

    • That's actually been my approach all this time. I would mask the anxiety as best as possible with willpower or with the assistance of anti-anxiety medication. In my other comment I explained how it went down with an ex.

      So I definitely agree that I have to be ok with myself before being with a guy, but realistically social anxiety is unpredictable and so while I have mostly accepted it myself, I cannot actually cure it completely. Thus I would like to meet a guy who is understanding in how it affects me, not that I would be hoping they could erase it all. I have tried very hard to overcome it on a daily basis.

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