Did I lead this guy on?

I went on one date with this guy nearly a year ago, and we sort of lost contact afterwards (which was good, because I found him annoying). Last week he texted me saying that his girlfriend dumped him and he really needed someone to talk to. I agreed to hang out with him after clarifying that it wasn't a date this time. While hanging out, I said that I just wanted to be friends, but he kept insisting we were more than that. I told him I didn't want a relationship, so he suggested we just hook up. I told him that I didn't want anything physical and he kept asking why not. I had no clue how to answer him, because the truth is that I'm not at all attracted to him. I obviously didn't want to say something so mean though.

I told him firmly that I didn't want to be anything more than friends, and at first he seemed to understand. However, then he started saying that he found it hard to "control himself" around me. He kept asking me all night to make out with him, and eventually I gave in just to shut him up. Now I feel like an idiot for giving him mixed signals. He then told me that he wanted to take me out again, and I stupidly agreed because I couldn't think of a polite way to turn him down.

How can I tactfully tell him I don't want to see him again? I'm afraid of hurting his feelings, as he told me he hasn't stopped thinking about me since last year. By kissing him and agreeing to hang out again, did I send a message that I like him? I feel like such a spineless and terrible person and I really need advice.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Bad combination:

    Guy: says whatever the girl wants to hear so that he can maintain the contact while determining how to seduce/intimidate/threaten her into having sex

    Girl: no self-esteem, so afraid to say "no" that she will say "yes" just to avoid a conflict.

    Solution: He won't change, so either girl has sex just to keep him happy (extremely bad idea) or she decides to stand up for herself and say "no" . . . unless she really wants sex with the guy but doesn't want to admit it to herself, so this is a convenient way for her to have sex and blame somebody else (which is rather juvenile.)

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What Guys Said 3

  • At this point, it's either your feelings or his. He's annoying because he's too dense to take a freaking hint. You've gone out of your way to be polite, accommodating and have respectfully told him you are not interested in him beyond being friends.

    Honestly, since he can't take "No" for an answer, I don't really see why you should be friends with him. He needs to grow up.

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  • You didn't actually lead him on, but you were too foolish about kissing and agreeing to go out with him again. You're not OBLIGED to date someone if you don't want to.

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  • Yeah you did lead him on. Don't tactfully tell him or whatever. For these kind of guy, you need to straight up get to the raw meat. His feeling will be hurt regardless of what you do, so go ahead and hurt his feeling, you bought yourself into this mess.

    Remember guys : You can't beg for a relationship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • 1) You should have told him he was unattractive. That would have made him stop. You could have said "You're not my type".

    2) Yes. I do think you led him on because you allowed yourself to give in. He may think he has a shot with you.

    3) Tell him the truth: that you think it's best if you two never see each other again. Tell him that he is not you're type and that you only made-out with him to appease him/because you felt pressured.

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