Do you believe it's hard to find good people to date now a days?

I am 29 and when I was in high school/early college I had set aside a plan. I would go to school, graduate, get a good job and live on my own for a few years befor I got married. I have now finally accomplished all of this. I have two degrees, I have a great job, I have a great group of friends, and I live in a great place in a great town. Everything is great! However, I can't seem to find a good guy. I actually thought I did a few months ago. But he turned out to be seeing someone else at the same time as me.

I read an article earlier saying that people of our generation, "the millenials," are not open to being vulnerable to love. But, I find that interesting because I feel like everyone I know who is single is looking for love. There seems to be some sort of disconnect here and I'm not sure what it is exactly. Do you think people are just becoming more isolated and less open to relationships or is it just that we are all complaining and doing nothing to fix our situation? Haha!

I for one do go out on a regular basis and go to new places I've never been before in hopes that I'll meet someone new and interesting but alas I have not met a good catch as of yet. So whats the deal?

Updates:
I actually made a list the other day of what I look for in a partner. I don't think these qualities are too high of expectations.

1. Honesty: This is something that is not only important to me in relationships but also friendship.
2. Communication: Being able to sit down with someone and just talk about nothing and everything is awesome. It’s also very telling when you can just sit there in silence and be comfortable just being there with them.
3. Humor: If you are as stale as a potato chip that fell under the refrigerator 3 years ago, then I’m not going to enjoy your company at all. I can be pretty sarcastic and some people don’t get it at first. So lighten up!
4. Personal Pride: This to me is more important than ambition. If you can’t take pride in what you do for a living or in your hobbies or in your relationships or in yourself for that matter, then that is just depressing.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Me being age 29, I can understand how u feel.

    What u say is spot on. Most people our age that are single, have been hurt really bad once, or have been hurt several times, so they "have their guard up", and may not show their interest very well, or "play hard to get".

    May the both of us find our matches! :-D

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What Guys Said 14

  • Define a good catch? Sometimes the guys who don't seem good catches at first, or even those already near to you can turn out to be special.

    Have you considered taking up video games or a sport, even just to watch.

    If you play video games or watch football or hockey or whatever you will have so many men along side you the chances are bound to be better.

    As for the article, I think nowadays it's easier to find a date, but being easier almost makes it harder to find the right person. Tinder et al may be good for hook ups or meeting someone fast, but it is probably best to base a potential relationship on a more than just a face.

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    • Yep I do a lot of different things around my community to meet people. I have also tried online dating and only got people looking for a hookup.

  • I feel the same way. I haven't been with a women any capacity for 8 1/2 years now. There just aren't any quality women available. Also, I think it's better to marry young. 18 years old or so. For so many reasons. The longest, most successful marriages started very young. And that way, one saves himself from much trouble and heartache in the many years between. Couples have always married young until just recently. I would have married just out of high school, but never met anyone compatible enough.

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  • I think there is a lot more complaining when we do not get what we desire these days. I have no idea I think there are plenty of good guys/girls to find out there. Although it is much harder to find one who feels the same as you do. I have no problem being vulnerable to love :)

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  • First of all, STOP LOOKING! It's kind of like trying to find a lost scarf. You search everywhere for it and nothing. One day when you aren't looking for it, you find it. Point is, just be open to possibilities. That leads into your point of people not being open to being vulnerable. You want to first be in a good place with yourself. You also want to be able to answer the question of "would I date me?"

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  • Do you believe it's hard to find good people to date now a days?

    Yes, in just about all that. I could practically write a book on the subject. A large percentage of the problem is government to make a very long story short.

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    • Government? Thats an interesting take. I would like to know your reasoning behind that if you would like to explain further.

    • Show All
    • @sean1234 : If morals come from God, then why is it that atheist couples have less chance of divorce than religious couples?
      www.alternet.org/.../surprise-atheist-marriages-may-last-longer-christian-ones

    • I guess the real question should be why do people divorce?

  • Its so much easier for you than it is for a guy because you don't chat anyone up, even to get a job females seem to have it much easier. Yes there is a disconnect especially because of your no.3 point. There is nothing wrong with humor, everyone likes to have a laugh but its so easy for you to stand there with your arms folded and say "OK, go on, let me see what you got "entertain me because I get bored easily?", I find that very ugly,. Good luck with your search.

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    • Wow you sound very pessimisstic about life. Who said I don't chat anyone up? Also, who said I stand there with my arms folded waiting for a guy to entertain me? I don't know what kind of females you come in contact with but they sound like a bunch of boring bitches. That is not me. But I'm sure you wouldn't believe me since you already made an imaginary person out of reading a few paragraphs that I wrote. Geeze! Some people!

    • You sound optimistic in your question... Madam you are too fucking hard to please thats why no one seems to tickle your fancy, and yes majority of females are only for display. When was the last time you chat someone up? don't lie. I don't need to create any imaginary person through your words, there are plenty of nice guys out there, you are just too demanding. However, it is still easier for females.

  • Ok first off describe your version of a "good guy" cause every woman is different. Also a lot of times career driven women such as yourself put sky high standards that a man must meet. Last you gotta remember that at your age 25-29 a lot of men are married or they think there playboys

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  • I think our generation has awfully high expectations and is fussy. I probably am fussy too.

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  • Here is the deal that if you need Mr Right 👉 just find someone who cares n need you👌 be with him won't matter if you love him or not but his loving 😍 nature towards you will make you fall for him😊👍

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  • not so hard... I think your expectations are high... please come little below your expectations.. You will find the one...

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    • I believe it's not that my expectations are high, but her morals are low.

    • I like smart women.

    • My expectations are not that high. The guy I mentioned above was actually someone who I would usually never consider but I did anyways even though later I realise I shouldn't have because he turned out to be a liar.

  • Yes. I'm 30.

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  • It's always been difficult for me. -.-

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  • men have largely given up on marriage. I think a poll placed only 29% of single men today want to marry.

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  • I've been finding it difficult. I can date girls just find, but noticing it's difficult to find a connection with someone. I felt it was easier a few years ago. Today, women seemed to be focused on their career or other things. I constantly felt like I struck gold with my ex. She was beautiful, smart, and wanted me very much. We instantly got along. It just seems difficult to find with women these days... Not sure if they have a fit criteria or what. Usually I take girls out on dates that they always have fun with, but struggle with getting them to talk on a deeper level.

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    • Yeah I have an ex who I was realy in love with. We clicked so well but things happen and you get torn apart. Nowadays, I feel like most people date just to have fun but not to actually find something meaningful. It's almost like they have so much other stuff going on that they can't or don't want to settle down to soon lest they miss a chance with a better choice.

    • I dated a girl who kept saying how she doesn't need a man, she's happy by herself, she just got out of a relationship and people should compliment and not complete. All that is good and understandable.

      She just wants to hang out and focus on her career.

What Girls Said 3

  • YESSSS I DO !

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  • I am 25. It is hard but if it's good then it doesn't come by easy. Most people allow themselves to become these dishonest, immature, untrustworthy, cruel people. They lack self awareness. They've been hurt and rejected and allow bitterness to grow inside of them and taint their goodness. So that's why so many people aren't worth a damn because they've allowed their bad experiences to defeat them. The problem isn t finding someone good but finding someone strong willed. Someone who loves, even through the pain. You want someone who is respectful and caring, with a sense of humor and protective without being possessive. Also another problem is... People don't know how to love. They confuse lust with love. They'd actually prefer lust over love because of the intensity lust provides. Your standards are find but you should focus more on the persons heart than his outside accomolishments.

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  • Not really, no.

    I've had no problem getting into a relationship with a great guy who treats me wonderfully and is very compatible with me..

    Meanwhile I do meet a fair number of single men and women, most of whom are far more attractive than I am, who seem to be having a hard time finding someone. I'm not sure if I was just lucky, or if it's something to do with them.

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    • Not to sound like I'm totally full of myself but people tell me all the time that I am beautiful and intimidating because my life is so well put together. I was told in the past that I was too picky and since then I have changed my ways and given guys a chance who I might not usually consider. I still seem to be in the same place as before except with a few more battle scars on my heart...

    • Do you ask guys out? Do you date much? When things don't work out with a guy, is it mostly you who isn't interested or is it him (or is it evenly split)?

      How many relationships have you had? How long did they last for? Who ended them and for what reason?

    • Wow, lots of questions!

      I have asked guys out yes. I would say I date 2-3 guys a year. But thats considering small hang outs too. But if I meet someone who I really like, I will show interest until they ask me out or I do it. Hmmm I think it's been about 60/40 with me not being interested a little more when things don't work out.

      I have had a few boyfriends but only 1 serious relationship where we were talking marriage and everything. I however have not had a relationship last past a year. The really serious relationship I had ended because we were long distance. I used to wonder all the time if we would have stayed in the same city or if one of us would have moved would we have gotten married after all. I'm not so sure. We were together in my early twenties and I was still in college so I felt like I still had a lot to accomplish personally. He was the one who ended it because he couldn't handle the distance anymore. It was very sad for both of us and it took me many years to let go

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