What would make my new husband want to go online and chat with other women?

I'm a newlywed..We just married in September. Before while we were just dating but living together with the plan of marriage he was flirting online with women, getting pics and exchanging pics of himself exposed. I found out and confronted him. He decided that was not what made him happy and that our life together was what he wanted. I recently found one short vid of him exposing himself again! Why would he do this again! What am I doing wrong? I am 5 1/2 months pregnant and under the impression our sex life is GREAT! Confused and hurt.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You both should see a counselor. He has an addiction and if you ignore it or do not do anything about it, it can very well lead to other, more serious addictions. SEE: Pamela Paul's "Pornified" on internet porn addiction. It's a very well written book about porn in our modern day culture. I read it in grad school a few years back.

    This can be sort of a floodgate effect, like he likes flirting with women online...then he likes sending them a picture of him...then, it's a picture of him naked...then, it's "planning" to meet at a motel...then, it's actually meeting there. You get the point. If you know about it and you don't do anything about it, you are encouraging this behavior by ignoring it. Do not be that woman. Demand that you two see a counselor together so that you can both work toward a successful marraige and life together. Is this an easy thing to do? NO. Is it much easier to just ignore it and hope it goes away? YES. Will it? Absolutely not. You owe it to your future child and to your relationship to do whatever it takes to make it work. Start by telling him no more online chatting and changing pictures with women and that you want to talk to a counselor together about it.

    This is what you need to hear and what you need to do, but I honestly don't expect you to do it. But I've done my part. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • You _should_ be confused and hurt.

    He's acting despicably.

    He has an addiction that involves you.

    You both should go to a family counselor.

    Why do so many good women wind up with jerks?

    Ted.

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  • It's a bad habit, that he's probably had for a while. It isn't right, and you should be hurt. When a guy chooses online encounters over you, then that is bad, and that's exactly what he's doing.

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  • just talk to him and tell him its hurting your feelings! and congrats on the baby :)

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What Girls Said 5

  • My boyfriend recently told me he had an ADULT FRIEND FINDER profile when he was mad at me. I understand you are married and pregnant and that is a lot more serious, but I know what it feels like to be hurt by stuff like that. I do everything for my boyfriend. His father is terminally ill and he has been going through a rough time. I don't believe that your husband isn't happy with you, otherwise he would not have stayed when caught and you wouldn't be married or have a baby on the way (congrats by the way!). You have every right to feel the way you do and you have explained the way you felt about this in the past. This is a second offense, so this time around your husband is disrespecting you by putting up new videos and stuff. A lot of men are insecure and don't feel like a man so they put up this erotic stuff to see that the female population finds them attractive to ease their concerns. You should let him know that there is a website where you type in an email address and you can track all the websites the person has been on. I'd say I shouldn't feel like I have to do this to you, but since you can't be honest with me and relationships are built on trust and you're lieing to me, what other choice do you leave me? Speak to him about seeing a counselor.

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    • I agree! No way will I just put up with it. I let him know how I feel how hurtful that is and to look at this way if I got on there(well after our babyis born lol) and posted stuff, he would be going insane!! hmmm website that tracks where they've been, that's a good threat. Because all I found was the vid this time. Last time I was able to get on the account and see where the stuff went!

    • That's good. He shouldn't be doing that to you. I don't get men..he should already feel like one he's married to a beautiful woman and has a baby on the way! I thought men were supposed to feel like the king when they got a woman pregnant. Let him know you'll be tracking him...hey it worked with mine lol.

  • Look, marriage is a serious commitment and it's sacred between two people- him involving other people is making that commitment and all of that beauty- well... Not so sacred.

    My ex used to do the same thing.

    And let one of his "friends" make him online dating sites when we broke up.

    It IS wrong and there is NO excuse. It's a lame act of desperation, to say the least.

    These kinds of things are not "normal" for a guy when he has got a wife who is willing to give him everything.

    It's called being a little mentally messed up.

    Porn is for loser guys who can't get dates- or who can but fail to feel secure with themselves.

    Or something to do with that.

    IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

    It's his deal.

    My mom did the same thing- minus the kid and she was MISERABLE.

    I would agree with counseling- maybe there's a mental block for your husband. Definitely see if there's something you can do.

    It's really tough- my mom and her husband never made it out- and he gave up because I hassled him into deleting all of his internet sites.

    Tell him to go to counseling.

    It may be positive.

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    • Thanks yea I agree counseling suits the situation...it just sucks because like you I try and do whatever to make the other person happy...I go so far and if something looks remotely like it will potentially hurt them I avoid and have let them no about it. You know I try to not hide anything everything is open. For example my email my phone everything is where thy can look and I personally show them what's in there... I thought that would be a way to build up his security in me.

    • Well why would you want to hide something from someone who you're going to spend the rest of your life with? You don't. Of course, you are right for that.

      But seriously- yesterday I caught my "online now" thing going off on MySpace. It was my ex deciding it be cool to check it.

      Same principle- you can't let him have power of your privacy, if you don't have his. It's hardball but it keeps his ego from inflating with power.

      Just play it a little bit like high school- be a tough bee-otch :]

  • He's an idiot and for the people on here to say deal with it first of all that's a sin and its mentally cheating which is so much worse I wish to God I can take the pain away so you can be happy again but time heals if he's not man enough to tell you what he want in you then wats the point. The internet is addictive you see that for yourself he stopped and started back. what ever you told him stick to it don't let him do that it can lead to other things sit down and discuss what makes him happy and way he wants in a woman and do it if it's in your range of respect and congrts on the baby post pics ok

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  • some guys just need other outlets for sex. Be glad he isn't cheating physically. I agree with you that it is wrong and he is hurting you. But I would try and do something about it to make you feel better. If you try and stop him he is just going to hide it. So work at yourself becoming ok with it and understand it has nothing to do with you. But don't let him know that

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    • Right I'm glad it's not physical, else I'm outta here! Understand he might be insecure but still I should be the one helping him feel like a man, not some random chic online lol.

    • Agreed...but the world isn't perfect and neither is anyone in it. You can either fight it, leave, or try and work something out to make you feel good about it all. The choice is yours.

  • It's probably not anything that you're doing. People who get cheated on usually blame themselves and sometimes develop insecurities because of it. You can be the best woman in the world, if a man decides he is going to cheat then he's going to do it. Some people don't have any intention to be faithful to their partner. Flirting online and exchanging pics is not a preview of good things. If he continues, you should leave him if at all possible. Maybe he needs to miss you in order to appreciate you.

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