How to tell if a guy is just passive/insecure or simply not interested in you?

I mean, is there a fine line there or some signs to look out for? I used to believe that if guys are not reaching out or initiating contact, they're simply not that into you, so I walk away. But recently I read somewhere that passive guys are actually a breed that they're used to women showering them with attention, or they're simply not that confident, very insecure, etc., so they wouldn't make much move until they're absolutely sure you're interested in them.

I've recently gone out with a guy who's very charming and smooth in person, showed a lot of interest, and then barely checked in after the date (although technically still in touch). Just when I was giving up on him, he got in touch again checking to see if I was still interested in going to the event we'd been talking about for so long. Of course I was pleasantly surprised by him asking, thinking he finally took an initiative, but then when it came down to planning he was "lazy" again - didn't even mention getting the tickets, and pretty much just letting me take care of everything. I'm pretty turned off by that but was just wondering: if he's not that interested in me, why bother asking about this event? He's good looking, charming, has a good job and active social life, I'm sure getting women to sleep with him wouldn't be a problem either.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think usually a person is interested in you if they treat you different than other people. If they are normally outgoing but not with you, that could mean they like you. If they are normally shy but a little more talkative to you, that could mean they like you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'll say the same thing I'd tell a guy: You find out by trying to seduce the person. If they reject you, they aren't interested. If not, you're probably good.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Asking him is a great way.

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