I need a lot of help, I'm so confused, how do I approach this in a way that gives me a chance for the future?

Ok so over a month ago I met my ideal guy on pof, instantly I knew he was the one and when we began talking we had almost everything in common he was the male version of me and I loved even down to the littlest details we were insync from things that were going on in our lives to our views on things. He was everything I wanted rolled into one perfectly packaged guy! We had 2.5 hours between us but before meeting him I had already planned to be moving out to where he is from and to go to the same school so when I met him we talked about that and he promised to be my college guide. He even began talking about us in terms of the future and planning things. I went down to visit and things were amazing we talked about what our relationship would look like and connected on a whole new level. We both agreed to taking things slow and having some boundaries so neither of us would feel pressured to move too fast sexually. He kissed me goodbye and I felt that kiss for the whole ride home. We talked constantly after meeting and he talked about coming down, eventually though I felt a shift and felt him slipping away eventually he disappeared. One day he came back to explain that a girl he assumed he was in the friendzone with decided she wanted to try dating he couldn't refuse but didn't want to hurt me by telling me. He also said he couldn't talk further cause she wouldn't allow that. However, he is constantly on his dating profile and has looked at mine recently, he changed what he wanted from the site around but still says he's single. What gives? Did he just make up a lie cause he didn't want to say I was too fat or too ugly for him? If he wasn't interested why would he kiss me? I just want to have him back and I don't mean right away but I'm still holding out hope that maybe one day if things don't work with her he'll come back to me, but now I feel like he just made up a lie? Realistically how should I approach this if I want to have him back one day?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • We are in a boat together. Mine is a little difference cause I dated my guy for a over s year and spent a year talking to him about us liking each other. So yea. He broke up saying that he was unhappy and maybe in the future there could be an us again cause he doesn't know what the future holds. And then he came over a week later n kissed n said he misses me n hasn't moved on... N we had a great convo n he said he would help me while I was in between jobs with my car insurance. Which was sweet to me n he synced our phones to share apps cause he had bought apps that will help will hair cuts cause we both do hair. N just came out feeling like yes he needs space n we will be fine n then he ignored me n hasn't made much contact with but is always talking to other girls n a girl who is obsessed with him n use to be his fuck buddy n she wanted a relationship but he he never wanted more. She has a be but she cheats for him. Dumb. So I saw him yesterday cause we have dogs together n I picked up the little one for the day n he came n for her after work. He was quiet n I asked how he was n he said good n we sat down n chatted a little n I said u can't keep pretending I don't exist n he said mhmmm n I said no the more u ignore me the more I won't want anything to do with u n do u want that? N he was like no. I said okay then try. N he left n he forgot his box of stuff so I called him cause i know he wasn't even down the road that far n he was not down the road that far n he was like a different day. N I have asked to spilt up our bills n storage n he won't even talk about it he ignores a text on it... It's confusing. So I texted him after n said I get ur not sure what ur decision is n I care n love u n of course I want u to be with me. So like I am not trying to force u to make one... But can we try to be normal like friends n hang n talk n just be normal right now n he said kk. So we played os3 online together...

    But u always hold our hope even when they hurt

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    • You.

      But I would just like try to have a convo about it like hey I see your back on your dating profile and it says single did something happen with you and your girlfriend? Just ask. Our not starting trouble ur just asking as a concerned friend. See what he says. But I would try to talk to other people right now cause u may didn't something better and it would help get ur mind off of things while he is with someone. He kissed u for a reason at that time. Guys n women get confused on what they want.

      I am in the boat of similarity. I still hold hope mine will come back. I don't know if he will. Everyone says he will after he realizes the grass isn't greener, but I also am preparing myself for the worst. That's all we can do.

      So ask him.

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    • Yeah he never had a girlfriend, he just didn't want me

    • What an asshole. Ur better off then. Dick move. His loss.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Here's my first opinion. Men don't lie to achieve but to avoid. That's one difference between men and women. Secondly you were right about it, he wouldn't kiss you if he didn't feel this way which automatically sets invalidates your following question *fat & ugly*. Maybe he is not sure about your relationship. Maybe he isn't that reliable or mentally stable. And I'm not talking about depression or sth. Maybe it's his character or his way of thinking. Whatever that be all you can do first of all is talk to him. What's the worst it could happen? You seem to be beautiful and a nice person. You shouldn't doubt about yourself.

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    • Thank you! I really appreciate your honesty and I have to say this was one of the best pieces of input I've gotten from anyone on the matter, cause my friends all tell me to just get over it so thank you for actually helping and giving advice. I'm scared to talk to him cause he said he couldn't talk anymore even though he wanted to cause his gf would get to jealous and I'm afraid to call him out on the dating site cause I don't want him to feel like I'm crazy or stalking him and I wouldn't know what to say or how to approach it

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