Guys, Help me figure this out?

A long story short. The guy I met and dated 2 years ago for a short time recently came back into my life. When it ended it just ended. Communication stopped and it was over. Now we've gone on a couple dates and everything is amazing when we're together. Outside of that, I rarely hear from him. He says he's not a fan of texting. So I refrain from that a lot with him. He rarely uses social media so I refrain from that. We're both busy with careers. We see each other maybe twice a week which to me is acceptable. It's the lack of communication that kills me. He knows, because I've told him, communication is key with me. I could easily have all the same feelings for him again, but I stop myself because he puts little effort in said communication when we're not together. When we're face to face it's amazing. What I want to know is, from a guys point of view, does your lack of communication when your apart show lack of interest? And if it doesn't, what would be the best way for me to approach this should our relationship advance?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You didn't explain why you two broke up the first time and why you think you won't encounter the same problems again. That is a problem that you need to address.

    You've known each other long enough to justify having a serious talk with him. "This is what I wan my life to be like 10 years from now. . . married. . . kids. . . whatever. . . description of relationship with husband, etc. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now and do our dreams and hopes match up?"

    Obviously, if he is hiding something from you, that is important information, but even if he isn't. . . whatever his reason is for being this way, you are not comfortable with it. You can't expect to ever change him, so, are you willing to accept him like this for the rest of your life? If not, every day you spend with him is wasted.

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    • I found this the most helpful response. Thank you for being very honest. There was no real reason why we broke up. We both became very busy. And we both stopped contacting each other. Then I don't think either of us were ready for anything serious. I am now. But you're 100% right. I need to just lay it all out. This is what I want and all that. And if in the end he pulls away at least I know where he stands. Thank you. I'm going to speak with him soon.

    • If you delay doing it and the result is you split up, you've just wasted more time with him. If the result is that you decide you're headed in the same direction, then you'll feel even closer. Thanks for the MHO.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think this guy is genuinely interested, but he is the type to really enjoy his uninterrupted time as well. Some people just don't need that level of connection with someone and are perfectly happy to only see their SO a couple times or once per week. Now, for me, this raises red flags. If I was dating a woman like this I would always be wonder if she has another life with someone else. In this day and age it is too easy to leave a text or email here and there. For someone to say they don't or won't use anything like that and go a day or two with no communication is weird to me. I would automatically assume they are married and hiding me from their other life. If we are going to date then I want to at least talk or email every day. It's like either you want to date me, or you don't. None of this in between stuff.

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    • He is a few years older than me. ( he's close to 40). I know he's not married as I do know his entire family, and honestly that's not the kind of guy he is. He's pretty honest and genuine. But you touched on a sore subject for me. That he maybe hiding something from me. The fact that he doesn't involve me in his life, other than seeing me face to face is bother some to me. I guess my point of all this was from a guys POV would it be pushy or even clingy of me to have this conversation again with him or just walk away from the situation.

  • Whats your level of communication when you are not together? Is it just short and brief messages every few hours or literally none at all? If you've told him how you feel about it I don't know what else you can say about it. If it means a lot to you to have that and he isn't recognizing the importance it might not ever happen.

    I am not a fan of texting or social media myself, but I do text my gf regularly though I find our conversations pointless and boring and anything can wait til we see each other. Instead Its mostly nonsense or drama and god forbid I don't reply in a fast enough manner. He should be at the least having simple conversations with you like morning, night how are you doing. That to me just shows a normal level of interest.

    If works got you both busy or working at odd hours that can def be a cause but if he's literally not communicating with you at all outside of face to face meetings his interest is either elsewhere or he really hates technology.

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    • Thanks for the reply. The communication outside of seeing each other is very limited. Like for instance today I sent him a text this morning at 9 am and it's now 8pm and I haven't heard from him. Typically when we're not face to face he'll send me 2-3 texts a day. I do know his job keeps him pretty busy and most days he has no one to respond durning the day. Which is totally fine with me. That's his job. I'm so laid back that when he does finally respond I don't get mad about the time it took to respond, but on the other side of that I'd like the effort. I just don't know if I'm wasting my time with him

  • Either we're nervous or starting again.

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