We have lived together for over a year and now we're looking at new apartments together and after seeing a really beautiful place that we want to rent my boyfriend starts demanding that i clean up and stay organized for this new apartment. Now i am a very organized person, i have a lot of art supplies and paint but its all tucked away. Him, however, he refuses to clean if im not home and barely ever does dishes. He is way messier than i am yet he is badgering me and blamming me for a messy apartment. I clean so much i really do it makes me angry to see the house dirty. But this guy does not care at all and im always cleaning up after him. I guess because i have more stuff than he does he just assumes the clutter is my art supplies rather than his empty chip bags...
How can i help this guy realize that i am not the problem. It really pisses me off because he complains to me like im a disgusting person who is bringing his life style down.
Most Helpful Guy
You know the answer to this. He is in the wrong. Obviously.
He is using passive-aggressive blaming mechanisms to shift the blame to you to cover up for his own shortcomings. He clearly has some misogynistic views about housework being 'woman's work', though he seems to be clever enough to know that if he said if straight out he would get in 'trouble'. So he just covers up those views with anger and blame, attempting to make you feel guilty for not doing all of the cleaning.
If this is NOT ok for you (which is shouldn't be, to be honest), then you may want to really think long and hard about whether or not finding a new apartment with this guy is actually the right move. That kind of mentality is pretty ingrained, it's not something you can usually change very easily. And it will get worse over time.0