He stopped trying... what do I do now?

I have a great boyfriend and we've been together for a year now. I let him move in with me about a month ago and everything has changed...

He doesn't put ANY effort into our relationship anymore, literally zip, zero, zilch! Before he would always call me up, make plans to see me, surprise me, and remind me that he loved me. I knew when we moved in together that the initial spark would fade eventually, but I didn't realize that meant he would stop EVERYTHING.

He doesn't cook or do much of the cleaning, which I guess is fine... but he also doesn't even really acknowledge me when I come home. He pretty much just does his work, watches tv and goes to bed.

He rarely tells me he loves me, he's lazy in bed and won't help me with anything unless I harass him to, and hten he makes me feel bad for it (e. g. dishes or groceries). I've tried talking to him about it and he says that he sees no problem, and that now that the beginning of the relationship over, the romance "isn't necessary."

Whaaaaaaaat? Is this really true? Do you just move in together and stop giving a shit and act like just old college bros? I don't want that! How can I fix this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you've made him too comfortable. He has a roof over his head, you will cook for him, tidy up after him etc, and he needs to do nothing in return. Living together he has the security that you won't leave him, so he is simply coasting through the relationship, doing the bare minimum, but getting all of the benefits.

    It shouldn't just stop. It may be a situation of "you know i love you, i don't have to show it" kinda thing, but if there was love there you would surely want to reinforce it not let it fizzle out, it doesn't take much to do something simple like leaving a few well placed post it notes, at least offering to get groceries with you, or carrying the bags in from the car with you. They are only little things, but the little affection placed in each act adds up.

    I have had experience with a lazy partner, so maybe i would be going to fast, but i would go to an ultimatum. You don't want to be doing all the work, you would like to get out the same as you put into a relationship, and his lack of effort is making you feel frustrated and unwanted, you're in a relationship with someone, not by yourself. So yeah, ultimatum, he joins you in the relationship or he leaves.

    May be jumping the gun a tad but I can't be arsed with people like that anymore. ;)

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    • No I understand where you are coming from. I'm a very confident person and not afraid to tell him straight up that if he isn't willing to try then he needs to not be in a relationship, because I won't be the only one who does things for him.

    • I don't think there is anything to add, so i offer you my best wishes, and i hope you can work something out. :)

    • Me too. Thanks.

What Guys Said 1

  • Id go out and catch some pigeons then leave them in pieces on the floor. Worked for my cat to get some attention and if that doesn't work Id recommend leaving a big creamy shit in the house

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    • This should have been MHO.

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    • my only regret is that I wasn't here sooner

    • Mine too, mine too. I shoulda shit on him.

What Girls Said 1

  • Talk to him. If he's not willing to correct his behavior and put an effort into your relationship, then to the trash it goes.

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