Guys, I am dating a guy who I really like but I saw him on a date with another girl. What now?

We have been on four dates and I am crazy about him. He does NOT know this because I feel that it is just too soon to share the fact that I am smitten with him. I don't want to scare him away. On Tuesday, I was downtown with a girlfriend and I saw him on a date with another girl. I am not sure that he saw me but I definitely saw him and now I just feel weird. I wanted to throw up. I don't know if I should say something to him about it or where I go from here.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • One of the most common yet destructive propensities we have as individuals is to "jump to conclusions".

    Your narrative states that you saw him 'on a date with another girl'. So could this have been a business associate, relative like a sister or niece? I am only asking this to clarify if this indeed was another 'date'.

    So let's say it was. What to do? Imagine for a moment had you been there five minutes sooner (or later) and you would never have witnessed this rendezvous. What would have happened then? Would you be on your 5'th date by now?

    Perhaps it is best for you to keep this knowledge to yourself for now. It could have been an innocent encounter. But we don't know for sure, and until you are certain, don't make assumptions. You could use this 'confidential' info as a barometer for his honesty:

    Example:

    YOU: "Have you eaten at any good restaurants downtown lately? My girlfriend says there are some good ones but I'm not sure. I'd love to go downtown. . . yada yada yada."

    HIM: "Why yes, funny you should ask, I ate there on Tuesday with my (sister, niece, mom, )".

    You can use this information surreptitiously to determine his level of truthfulness. (Since he doesn't know what YOU know)

    From you avatar you appear to be such a pretty and sweet girl, and I hate to see anyone struggling in their relationships. If you really really like him, try to sustain that relationship without being obsessive. Eventually it is who we are that will win the day. 😊

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What Guys Said 16

  • It wouldn't be fare to throw this away because he was with this other girl just yet. As you said he doesn't know you have a thing for him yet , and the two of you have not made any commitment as to exclusitivity just yet. If you bring up the fact that you saw him he may bring up what I just said or just dismiss him self all together ( break contact ) if you are hopeing for more than where you two are at present , express an interest on the next meeting

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  • I agree that you shouldn't be spilling your guts when you're only four dates on. Since you're not exclusive, he has the right to date other people, and so do you. I don't recommend talking to him about it; if he brings it up, do the best you can to act like it's not a big deal, even if it's killing you inside. Just try to relax and keep going on dates with him.

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  • You said it yourself... you haven't told him how you feel. I think all too often women expect men to be able to read minds or assume that playing coy (which like it or not is a head game) is the right thing to do. If you go to a restaurant and the server approaches and asks to take your order, you don't sit there and assume that because you know you like salads, the server 'should' know as well? You dont refrain from ordering because you 'just took a bite of the complementary bread' do you? Of course you dont, you realize that you know what you want and the person who can/will provide you with said desire is standing right in front of you. Try being 100% honest for once... it may just work out but, even if it doesn't you will know where you stand with regards to him.

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  • I suggest asking him in a nice way. Tell him you saw him with another woman and thought he was on a date. If he does not say anything, or, asks why you are asking, just say "I like you and wanted to know if you were on a date." If he is into you, he will be honest. If he is a jerk and says it's not your business, than move on because you don't deserve that. But, be aware that it could be his cousin or something like that (cause you never know). Please ask though, because it's not fair to yourself to be wondering, upset and sad. If the roles were reversed, you would want him to ask.

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  • You are NOT his girlfriend. He is NOT committed. He can date as many people as he wants. And why wouldn't he? you didn't show that you like him a lot. Once you are committed though, he's not allowed.

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  • DO NOT TELL HIM THAT YOU SAW HIM WITH ANOTHER GIRL! Honestly, telling him that you are crazy about him and that you felt bad when you "happen to see him downtown with another girl" is going to raise red flags with him. Tell him that you really like him and that you want to become more exclusive with him. If he does not accept, then you must admit that you cannot force a guy to like you. That is when you will be needing a diet cherry Dr. Pepper and a pizza while watching a comedy during that time to keep your mind off him.

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  • Guys usually casually date because you never know if a girl will stick around. If he knows you're serious and he likes you he will drop the other girls.

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    • Fair enough... Any advice on when to have the conversation about a relationship, or how to go about it?
      I have been 100% single for two years and this whole dating thing is totally new to me. He seems very interested and I have met all of his friends (they didn't act like I am the flavor of the day) but I am one to avoid conflict so to approach this topic makes me uneasy.

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    • We were good friends for two years in Jr. High, but that has been over 10 years ago and we just reconnected in the middle of March.
      My personal dilemma is that I am a single mother and I know that girl isn't. I don't want to ask too much of him to "choose" right now but I also felt so incredibly sick seeing him with her.

    • Yes I won't lie to you that could be a problem for him. In my opinion you need to do what he does and open up your opportunities

  • If you are just dating then it does not matter. If he asked you to be his girlfriend already then he cheated. You sound controlling.

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  • Welcome to casual dating.

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    • Okay, so when is it safe to bring up the potential for a relationship? We have been talking since mid March and have gone on four dates in the last two weeks. We also were good friends in Jr. High (so it's been a while)

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    • Ha, fair enough :D

  • You were dating or he had already asked you to be your girlfriend?

    You actually sound like he had already proposed to you before you saw him with someone else.

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  • Deep in my heart - there's a fire - a burning heart...

    Deep in my heart - there's desire - for a start...

    What can I say...

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  • Well said @kstout6
    Be yourself. Say how you feel. Try to avoid any obsession though.

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  • You should be convinced of his masculine value now. Pine over him and bake him cookies.

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  • Welcome to the real dating world. Don't give up hope yet. Yes you can tell him you saw him and you hope he chooses you. If not darn you lost him and have to recover and try another guy.

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    • Wait, did a 13 year old just welcome you to the world of dating? ROFLMAO! He must have a bicycle built for 2.

  • don't get jealous.

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  • Talk to him about it

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