Can you choose to love someone?

One of my ex's said i base too much of my actions off feelings and that I should just find a nice person and choose to love them. How does that even work? If i dont feel passion for someone I end up looking for a new person instantly. Isn't that settling?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's the difference between falling in love, and loving someone.

    You can love your mom, your cat, your sister, your best friend. You can love a guy who is good to you, over time. You can choose to be with him because it's logically a good decision, and in time, because of his behavior, you'll unconsciously start having some feelings towards him, love him. But in the manner you'll love any other good person from your life.

    Falling in love is that thing who involves passion, stomach butterflies, drama, desire etc. It's the one thing who keep 2 people together so many years! When you'll see 2 older people, still holding hands and laughing at each other, you should know that they fell in love at first, and then start loving each other. Because falling is something that happens without your will. It doesn't matter if he's good, if he's right. It's just the one for you. And if you can actually have a relationship with him, the one you fell in love with and then start loving him, you can be sure nothing in this world will ever separate the two of you.

    So yes, you can choose the one you want to love, but you can never choose the one you'll fall in love with.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, I think you choose to love someone, but only once you have already made that commitment, as in a difficult husband. That's not about emotion, but by action. But, in new relationship, if I didn't have the emotion/connection with her, then I wouldn't be able to stay with her for very long. I either know or I don't. But, I don't have the problem you do. I am a love at first sight kind of person. And not just as a initial response. When I fall in love in that instant, it is just as strong for me two years later. It has happened a number of times.

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  • You can choose to love someone on the outside but on the inside you won't truly love them.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Your ex is an idiot plane and simple... a guy would only say such a thing because he just wants sex and doesn't want to take you seriously, he was trying to push you down a couple notches so you'd agree to just a physical relationship... i've heared it all before "your being too emotional",. "why do you make things al about feelings, your feeling too much, don't feel so much" lol... idiots whoever says this stuff expecting that to work on a female...

    These guys obvously don't even realize that most of the decisions they make and the things they do is based from their hormones and emotions, i mean most things people buy these days is an emotional buy rather than something they actually need, but other things they do is based off hormones, but... all we really have is emotions and hormones, without them we would be frigid and soulless lol, i mean who would we be without them? they make us who we are, that's not even possible to make decions that aren't based from our emotions :\ lol everything we want and need IS connected to your emotions so... he was definitely not really your bf at the time if he didn't want to have a "relationship" based on your feelings lol.

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  • Your ec is an idiot who just couldn't handle it. Never settle for something you don't want. Why shouldn't you follow what you feel? He just has no clue because he probably hasn't experienced it for himself. If a person has never felt passion, love, etc, they won't understand it.

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  • yes that bs that settling for what there.

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  • You can choose to show somebody you love them. But when u love somebody, u love somebody.

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  • I really hope you can.

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