Dating "Officially"?

What is up with young people talking about dating "officially?" Is there a period where you are dating unofficially? Do you then go to the courthouse and register to be dating officially? This is similar to kids saying, "We're not dating we're just hanging out" or "chillin'". So, you have sex with everybody you hang out with?

It seems to me that these are just silly games that young people use to downplay the significance of a relationship so that, if it doesn't work out, they can tell their friends, "Well, it's not like we were officially dating!" By downplaying the significance of the relationship, they're holding back from telling their partner how they really feel, they're not being honest with theirself or their partner, and they are not giving their relationship the best chance to succeed.

If I'm wrong, set me straight, but please be polite about it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm, I somewhat agree but somewhat don't haha.

    I'm just 'dating' a guy, and I'm wondering if we're 'officially dating' or not haha

    To me there's stages
    - Getting to know someone (you're speaking with an interest in learning more about the person)

    - Seeing/Dating ( Spending time with them, going on dates, seeing more how well you click with the intention of getting into a relationship with the person)

    - Relationship.. Well that ones self explanatory haha

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    • So you don't use the phrase "officially dating?"

      I agree with the phases of dating:

      Preliminary: finding out enough to determine if you want to have a first date
      Dating: spending time together, just the two of you, eventually expressing some affection for each other but not necessarily sex
      Relationship: dating exclusively and monogamously

      Yes, that's a good analysis that you have.

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    • So officially dating means the same thing that I call dating exclusively or monogamously?

    • You can be exclusively and monogomously dating without being in a relationship, in my opinion anyway :)
      There's no right or wrong

What Girls Said 1

  • No, you have it all wrong "we are being honest with ourselves and our partners it's usually a mutual understanding "

    I thought It complicated things in college but really the stages are as someone explained and from my experience

    Boy likes girl
    "Unofficially Dating" = Usually haven't officially had the talk about "at we boyfriend girlfriend", date but it's not very publicly known meaning they don't tell anyone but a few friends
    Maybe have been on 1-6 dates

    "Officially Dating" = Public, photos together, parents know or have met, have been on several dates and they've decided they wanted to continue and be exclusive

    Officialy dating is basically you're an exclusive couple now

    Unofficial dating is your dating but you're not at the point where you're attached to each other like other couples
    You can call a quits at any point for whatever reason

    It's not like high school anymore where two people like each other and then they're like okay "we're boyfriend and girlfriend now, officially dating, photos and love post everywhere "

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What Guys Said 1

  • "Hey, watcha say we start goin' steady?"
    "Gee, that sounds swell!"

    I have no clue, cause I've never dated. And it's hard to figure out a different between "hanging out". I wish I could say I'm "dating" my crush, but we've just hung out twice in the past two months, and by hang out I mean do friend stuff.

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    • So, what's the problem? Is she not too interested or are you just kinda bashful and shy?

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    • You're attracted to her, that hasn't changed, so you're just feeling restless because this is proceeding slower than you would like. Speed it up. Ask her to go to a movie with you, or whatever you guys do nowadays that is clearly identified as "this is what you do on a date." Or, "Hey, can you help me with a homework assignment?"

      "Sure, what's the assignment?" she asks.

      You smile and say, "To kiss the prettiest girl I know."

      The idea is, if you're not happy with how it's progressing, make something happen. Don't just sit around waiting for it to happen. Take responsibility for it and make it happen.

      I never kissed the girl who I really, really liked in high school. You don't want to live with regrets like that. . . so go for it or I'll have to find where you live so I can come kick your butt!

    • Haha, that assignment thing is pretty smooth. I guess I might as well do something as obvious as that just to find out for sure whether she's interested in being more than friends...

      We'll see.

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