I've read soo much about gender politics that it boggs down my ability to just fucking talk to women. How do I forget all that positive conditioning?

There's so many missteps and so many ways to do it wrong, they're all buzzing around my head when all I wanna do is take that cute redhead back home. How do I forget about all this shit and spit game lol. I mean objectification, and consideration and sexism and 70 cents to the dollar. In the end you don't want a guy who's tiptoe in around you though but all the rules are just buzzing around my head and I end up basically castration myself to fit into what I'm supposed to be as a polite man. But like shit... I'm not even that damn polite. I just fucking empathize with those stories from wronged women a ton and I can't not. How do I block out all that positive conditioning and just be a man?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's what you do. Take that shit, put it in a nice category in your mind labeled "gender issues."

    Now, start seeing people as the same. Women get confused about their roles, get nervous, don't want to ask people out, etc. etc.

    They're human beings with their own set of issues just like guys. Sometimes the exact same as guys. They face very similar issues outside of their gender issues, and you experience issues in your own gender too.

    Stop trying to factor it in. Remove it from dating and meeting women.

    Just treat them how you'd want to be treated. Give them clear signs you're interested and if you get nothing back, move on.
    Use your empathy. Think about how you'd feel in a similar situation. Don't focus on yourself, and don't focus on her. Just focus on the situation.

    Interact with people like they're your fellow human beings. Women like that. If it seems right, go for it. Have some confidence that you know right from wrong and can use it.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Is treating a girl respectfully an unmanly thing to do now?

    Just focus on getting to know her as an individual and you won't have to worry about gender issues. At the end of the day all most of us want is someone who values us as people and then we can build from there :)

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    • No clearly not but I'm way you over doing it. I'm like invisible to girls , barely even flirting at this point. Like I just find myself saying and doing fake shit so that I don't offend them. They always think I'm really nice and it's stupid because my friends know I'm kind of reactionary and selfish. Like I have quick humor and stuff but with a girl I just don't show it cuz I think she'll get offended and just leave but, that's like the main thing that makes me interesting. I'm giving way too many fucks and it's making me boring

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    • Thats not what I said and I have a pretty strong feeling you know that.

    • I was drawing a conclusion. Sorry if I'm getting a little mad. It's hard to stay calm when everything seems insane and everyone keeps saying your the one who isn't making sense.

      Let me breath, I don't want you to stop helping me.

      If the articles are super specific is there a point to using them as a guide? If as you said they don't apply to everyone or even most girls, then clearly I was wrong in following them.

      And if the authors know they aren't really giving good advice, I can only assume it's more for thier own comfort that that write. Perhaps to get over thier hangups. That's why I write here at least. I've wrote enough to be an article already.

      Should I stop paying attention to these, even though that's easier said than done.

      I don't care if I've wasted my time in the past anymore I'm just trying to find the way forward.

      I thought if I stayed doing me for long enough it would just work out but it's seeming less and less likely. Be yourself only works fornormalpeople.

What Guys Said 2

  • Just realize that women are people, and don't treat them like shit. You aren't responsible for the patriarchy, you're just responsible for yourself.

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    • The funny part is that I don't even buy all of the feminist shit, I just think that women aren't lying about thier situation. Do I think it's a grand conspiracy no but I can see how it may appear that way. I just don't like the idea that I could feed into that screwed up world view amd I don't want to encourage this blooming fear of men. It's just bad in general but like still. I'm being such a pansy that I'm internally groaning at myself and sometimes I just stop talking to a girl. Like I can feel when I lose her, or more importantly that I never had her. The only time I get girls is when im preoccupied or a bit angry for some reason because I'm not paying as much attention to them. Then I'm just doing me.

  • You can't.

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    • Uh, why. Lots of guys do it. Or was it like pandora box/ 2 girls 1 cup. Once you see it you regret it forever.

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    • The only thing I can think if is that maybe it's like math.

      Order of operations.

      Like in life you have to treat women differently at different stages of thier life. PEMDAS. Even though you ad and subtract eventually you can't do it out of order. Parenthesis Exponents Multiplication Division Addition Subtraction. Even if it seems like you're skipping all around the place and you just wanna go straight through in an orderly fashion.

      Maybe we learned the back end, for when you're older first. But we were supposed to start off being selfish so that we still had those underlying aggressive proncipals. Now we're trying to work backwards and it's hard because that's not how everyone else learned.

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