Online dating: Who writes more first messages - guys or girls? Do you usually write first, or do others usually write to you first?

Regardless of how many people actually respond to you, do you tend to make contact with people first on dating websites, or do others tend to write to you first? In general, do you think guys or girls write the initial message more often?

  • I think GUYS usually write first & I usually write first
    13% (2)89% (8)42% (10)Vote
  • I think GUYS usually write first & others usually write to me first
    40% (6)11% (1)29% (7)Vote
  • I think GIRLS usually write first & I usually write first
    13% (2)0% (0)8% (2)Vote
  • I think GIRLS usually write first & others usually write to me first
    20% (3)0% (0)12% (3)Vote
  • OTHER (please explain) / I want to see results / I think it's about equal
    14% (2)0% (0)9% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys have to send out a lot more messages to get a response than women do. Sometimes they might send out 20 messages and hope to get one back. So generally guys have to be the first to send any messages. At least that is what I have always heard.

    I haven't dated online before but I did create a profile because I was thinking about it, and I got tons of messages from women. I think most guys must just really bad at writing their profile. Maybe if I had included a picture I might not have gotten as many messages, but I have heard that normally increases the messages.

    I think that the women generally have a plan when they create their profile, and most guys just throw something together in a few seconds.

    I will say that after the women messaged me, I learned something important. I didn't fit any of what many of the women seemed to be looking for on their questionnaire which surprised me. I think guys tend to put their bare minimum requirements and women tend to put some fantasy that they would like to have, but don't require. I think this miscommunication causes guys to think women are picker than they really are. Or maybe my very limited experience was just unique.

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What Guys Said 5

  • It's pretty commonly accepted that guys send way more messages than girls in hopes of establishing contact.

    "Generally speaking, an average straight man will have to send 25 messages to women his own age to procure one response, while the average straight woman will have to send 5 messages."

    www.businessinsider.com/likelihood-of-getting-a-response-in-online-dating-men-vs-women-2013-7

    I only ever wrote personalized messages, and only to women I was actually interested in getting to know. I never got a response, so I gave up on the whole thing. For some guys the exercise is truly pointless.

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  • It never entered my mind that girls even had time to consider writing a first message. I mean, if I got 10 new messages per hour, I'd spend so much time reading and/or replying that I'd never get a chance.

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  • I never had the pleasure of getting a message from a girl

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  • Men definitely message first most of the time... how else do women get bombarded by inbox messages on dating sites? :-P

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  • I've never intentionally tried to contact a girl online first for anything... I don't do online dating. Girls tend to message me on various sites first trying to get to know me. I don't mind, but I find it funny how they generally act so causious about general everyday shit when they're the one that came after me out of no where...

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What Girls Said 2

  • Meant to choose B

    Whoops.

    I've gone on a dating site once (STUPID IDEA)
    and the fucking moment I posted pictures I got like 10 freaking messages from guys... and I'm not exaggerating... those guys are thirsssttyyyy

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  • I went on a dating site once. I messaged a hand full of guys but I mostly had guys initiating the first contact. After two weeks I deleted my account because I was tired of guys who would argue with me on why I wouldn't give them a chance (i. e. people who didn't fit my preference).

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