Guys, Why do guys only want to hookup with me?

What am I doing wrong? I'll meet a nice guy and things will go well on the first date, but then we'll hookup on the second date and suddenly that's all they want to do. Why? What am I doing wrong? I'm a nice person and I'm attractive (so I've been told). I'm always really kind too. I have friends who like me, so I don't see why guys won't. What am I doing wrong? Is it the guys I'm attracting? Is it because I'm letting them treat me this way. It always goes the same way. I just don't understand what I need to change about myself.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Is it because I'm letting them treat me this way?"

    Yes, you have the power to set your boundaries and let things go as far as YOU want them to. Now, if you're fine with going all the way early on, then fine. But it seems like you're feeling used and ignored afterwards, so if that's the case, then it's not fine.

    Decide what you're really looking for in a person and pay attention to cues they give off when you're first talking to them. Also, you must pay attention to red flags, as they can come up early but are often dismissed by us because we're too caught up in the excitement of having fun to understand how detrimental these red flags can be later on. Signs of that are if they go overboard talking about sex or make insinuations about doing stuff with you you are not ready for or comfortable with.

    I'm sure you're a very attractive woman, otherwise guys wouldn't be wanting to go out with you. However, if you're tired of the same chain of events happening like a re-run, then take a step back and see if you're saying "yes" when you mean "no". If a guy is going to get mad and act like he doesn't respect you for saying "no", then he's not going to respect you if you say "yes" out of fear you'll run him off, so you have to look out for yourself first.

    Good luck,

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What Guys Said 17

  • It is partly the guys you are dating but your hooking up on the 2nd date? If you hookup on the 2nd date than guys are going to expect it on the 3rd, the 4th and so on. Make the guy wait, I do not understand why girls have not figured this out.
    If you want a guy to be with you, that likes you for all that you are YOU DO NOT HOOKUP WITH HIM until he has proven that he likes you enough to wait and still have interest. Otherwise if he bails cause your not giving it up than he only ever wanted to hookup.

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  • You're putting out on the second date, how are you not realizing this? People these days think that you have to instantly have sex in order to keep the relationship going or to "finally seal the deal", but that's not the case. How about try dating someone for about a month or so before even coming to the sex decision. If he's trying to move too fast then it's easy to tell what he wants from the get go. Also, try to actually meet guys that care about you instead of ones that aren't trying to get sex out of you so fast. It honestly boggles my mind how you don't understand what you need to change about yourself at this point.

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  • You answered your own question.

    Sorry about the brutal honesty honey, but you're an easy lay.
    And a lot of men are dicks... you're not dating nice guys, you're dating assholes who want's a piece of the action.

    Instead of taking a passive approach 'attracting' a guy, go pick one out yourself.
    All you need to do is avoid the empty barrels... they make a lot of noise and draw a lot of attention, but they're without content.

    And stop putting out early on... you're not doing yourself any favors.

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  • Basically it's like this:

    When it comes to men dating women there are two goals:

    1) get laid
    2) get a girlfriend

    While they are not mutually exclusive, many guys value goal 1 over goal 2 and if they think they can accomplish goal 1 without 'settling' for goal 2 then they will try to do so because then they can have sex with you while still being single and thus still open to try with other women. So basically it's a combination of the priorities of the men you're dating and how much you're letting them get away with. Hooking up with the men you date isn't wrong, but you should make sure you know what these men are really looking for before you do so. Easier said than done because people lie or change their minds, but basically try to make sure they guys you're dating are definitely looking for a girlfriend and not 'just' a hookup.

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  • "Is it the guys I'm attracting?" <----- this basically...

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  • If you are giving it away after 2 dates, then you need to charge a lot and they will come back. Something that is free has no value.

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  • Be more bold, learn how to say no. Try to find guys who don't seem like your usual type. You can normally pick out an asshole by looking at him and talking to him for a while.

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  • You're being way to giving to be honest, the fact that on the second date is when you give them what they want is why it generally ends up being all they want. If you want it to be something more meaningful hold off on it, and let them get to know you as a person, and not you as a woman they can sleep with.

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  • You're looking for a nice guy. This could be the problem. What I mean is anyone who knows how to get what they want can be nice. Its not a difficult thing to learn. Being nice is basically a second language. They are pretending to be nice in order to sleep with you. You want to look for the one in a million man. The great guy. Nice is deceptive. Anyone can be nice. Look for the guy who has a stern voice, loving but stern. That guy who has gone through hell and back. The guy who other girls avoid because he was abnormal. The guy who shouts death in the face.

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  • basically you are giving it away too fast and that puts you in the "not girlfriend material" list. Since guys might think you do this with every guy you date, no bueno

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  • you must be sexy.

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  • Try hooking up on the second date...

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  • Maybe it's too easy to get you too easy girl = one night stand or just spend some nice time then left rarely somone will fall in love in this case

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  • If you can get the milk for free there is no need to buy the cow.
    You are giving them sex long before they have a chance to get to know you and by doing so you devalue yourself and are seen as only a cheap hookup.

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  • The guys women attract are typically players that are just looking for sex. The guys that want more in a relationship are either shy, or in a relationship most of the time so they aren't hitting on ever girl they see.

    Chances are the guys you are going out with are just looking for sex, and you are giving that to them very easily. They don't see a point in taking the relationship any further because their needs are already being fulfilled. Either learn to start spotting players, or stop putting out so fast.

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  • How about not give the guys attracted to you a chance, make then chase you and look at their persistence, are they trying hard enough? or you pursue somebody who you like

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  • Stop putting out on the SECOND date?

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