I've helped her so much and got her through a rough time but now i'm just a best friend to her? i'm what she wants but won't accept, any opinions?

Okay so we've dated for near on 3 months, and through this time I've helped her through a depression stage due to family issues, a ex , been unemployed and many things, we both liked each other the feelings were there, her ex started giving her feelings that he wanted her back and been her first i think she fell for it, now he's dating someone else and he's broken her heart again after calling it off the first time for no reason and she is a really shy person but she feels close to me and 1 best friend, but we've been through a real deep amount of stuff while we were together but i never put loads of pressure on her e. g. kissing hugging all the time, as she has a lot going on in her life between looking out for her siblings and other things with her mom being a idiot and depression, she really trusts me and had the feelings and just don't know where those feelings were lost on her end, she's now thinking of dating someone else despite knowing my feelings and knowing it hurt me that she no longer feels the same way and she feels really bad about this, apparently i'm too good for her, but i feel like I've done something wrong?
I always set up dates and days out for us but due to pressures on her end she sometimes had to cancel them or put them back a few hours which i could understand but also feel i wasn't forward enough, but i don't know why, it just seems that no matter how much I've done for her or helped, talked, cuddled, kissed, been there, my life didn't revolve around her but i just couldn't get those feelings back once they were gone and i don't know why they're gone, she always says i'm a brilliant guy in every way, nice, caring, loving, smart so on so on and would seriously hate to lose me, but like i say she feels bad about how the feelings have gone and i'm her second best friend and i mean a lot to her, her ex and new date live 1 hr to 3 hrs away where as i live 20 minutes away, i don't understand if I've gone wrong or its mixed emotions on her end?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems like she genuinely needed you. Perhaps she even thought she was in love with you, but then she 'truly' fell in love with someone else. Chemistry is weird. She might want to be in love with you, but just isn't. I'm sorry, though. *hug*

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    • Thanks for your input :)
      Literally no one else was there for her besides her best friend, but she didn't even tell her she had this depressive spell, as her friend had it when she was younger, so i was the only one who knew, not even her family, as she felt it would upset her younger siblings and make her look weak to her already, intolerant mum, that is the feeling i have got, because she really doesn't want to lose me apparently and did have those feelings, but now doesn't and just considers me her best friend which she feels bad and hated telling me, which i don't hate her for as that's not me, it just hurt to put in all that effort when the feelings were there just for them to disappear, she even acted a little hurt when i was talking to someone else even though nothing is happening, i'll get over it in time, but with been cheated on myself and losing someone before to illness on my end its a bitter pill to swallow, i appreciate your input though, thanks :)

    • Yes, it is quite frustrating, for her, but especially for you. I understand that this must be very difficult for you. It sounds like you're a caring and understanding guy of which there are few in this world. (Or maybe we don't hear enough about them to know how many there are.) Either way, I have faith that you will find someone who is special to you and she to you. Don't give up hope. Lick your wounds, sulk, and then get back on the dating horse. :P

    • That it is, but in my life I've learned to be tough and caring, and haha i'm sure there are plenty, but i'm nothing special i just do and act like i would with anyone else, i don't have time to sulk if i can help it to be honest or i try not to let it affect me too within reason, as most around me seems to be down at current and there's much to do and people to boost up, but again i definitely appreciate your kind words and your input it's a different perspective that is nice to see.

What Girls Said 1

  • So she was using you?

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    • This is what i kinda of feel, but she isn't that kind of person in anyway, i came along in her life at a period where a lot was happening and her ex being like he was, despite us dating i feel her emotions leaned more towards him, but now I've gotten her over that and past everything made her pursue her dreams and see a doctor, i am besides her friend someone she really trusts and has opened up to, not even her family knows of her depressive spell, she had such strong feelings for me despite being shy and says i'll always listen and care for you and be there, but i just feel like the relationship didn't end, rather fizzle out on her end, she's scared of losing me and this is what confuses me, but yet she's been talking to someone else and i don't hate her for it i just don't know how to react, she wishes we could of pursued the relationship further but i don't truly know what happened as we were and still kind of are close.

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