He won't back me up?

I'm 24 and my bf is 28 and we just moved from pa to game because my bf got a better job. We have been together for 4 years. We moved in 2 weeks ago and everyday since his mom calls at least once a day if not more. It drives me crazy because I feel like she isn't letting us get settled in and have our own space and privacy its driving me crazy. My mom isn't calling as much. My bf even asked me how do you like having our own place and I said well tbh it feels like your mom is living with us because she calls so much she isn't giving us room to breathe. My bf always jumps to her defense. And then we start fighting. I mean sure here and there we have fought before but not like we do now because of this. If is just frustrating because it feels like my bf isn't even seeing my pov and he is just so quick to defend mommy over listening to my feelings. How can j get him to see my POV and where I'm coming from a little better? I hate fighting like this but I feel like his mom isn't giving us room to breathe and he isn't backing me up on this.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Boys love their mothers and she will be the love of his life for the rest of his life, you only have the position of rental. Keep trying to come between him and his mother and you will not have to deal with this problem, because you can be replaced.

    If you were his wife, the situation would be different but not much. Accept that he has a strong loving realtionship with his mother. Once you pass the test you will have a guy already trained by dear old mom.

    Keep fighting and one day he will choose having peace over a fight.

    There are a lot of women who will turn the mom into their best friend and win the prize.

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    • I don't think married or not it makes a difference. What about people who never plan on getting. married. Gfs shouldn't have to stand for 2nd place to the mothers like I said the girl is the one he is waking up next to every morning who goes through childbirth to give him a child. One day a man has to grow up and start putting his women first. Since when did this post turn into a competition of who comes first? I never made him choose. I just said certain healthy boundaries have to be put into place with apron strings cut. They are of equal importance but in different ways. To rank people first or second in your life is just stupid it isn't about rankinf people different people are most important for different things

    • If he were to replace me over one incident then I would say our love isn't as strong as I thought then

    • You think like a child. In a court of law the gf has no value or little vested interest in his life. All rights go to his mother. If you had a child with him the legal right go to family first meaning mother and father, child second and then his brothers and sisters, you have no legal right. Learn your position.

      In most countries a Girlfriend is illegal and defined as an unpaid prostitute. Try having a foreign person walk into any Cosulate or Embassy and say the word boyfriend or girlfriend and if they had a multi entry visa it disapears with all due speed.

      You come from a school called "everybody" as in this collective mind which has no pure source dictates what they think makes them feel good to survive.

      I came up in good schools and was taught proper protocal. What should concern you is how his mother introduces you. Does she call you her sons girlfriend or her sons friend. You may not know how subtile a slap in the face.

What Guys Said 2

  • Give him time. Maybe he will eventually tell her she does not need to look over his shoulder all the time. Don't push him too hard to change the way things are because ultimately if it comes to a choice between you and his mother he will choose her.

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    • Why would he choose her? He should choose the women he wants to spend the rest of his life with. At least that makes the logical sense. He chose to become an adult and live with me and have kids with me so logically don't you think one would choose the person that AS AN ADULT they are choosing to growth with. Otherwise guys that are overly attached are called momma boys and that's not a man that's a boy who can't stand up to mommy. Besides I never said anything about making him choose I just said there has to be limits and I think thats a pretty healthy normal request in a relationship.

    • I know you didn't ask him to choose but I just meant in the future if it comes to that. As for the other thing, men view their mothers as the paradigm of womanhood. She is the woman who gave birth to him, fed him from her breast, changed his diaper, and tucked him in at night. I know he is an adult now, but that doesn't mean she still isn't just as important to him now as she was when she did all those things.

    • Well then that is a mkmmas boy. A smart man k kws that as an adult starting his own life and family his wife/ gf should be his new paradigm of women hood. The re of most important starts to shift. It doesn't mean he thinks of his mom as any less or loves her any less it just means once he finds the women he wants to settle down with he stands by her and chooses her in my opinion. Mommy isn't going to give him a child or wake up next to him every morning or go through hours and hours of child labor to bear his child.

  • she's probably just worried for her wittle boyyy lol. the best way to do it is just do something else when she calls or something im not sure really

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    • Well he is 28 and its not like he is there alone Lol he has me. I just feel like he needs to be like mom look me and Danielle are fine I appreciate you checking on us but calling everyday is a bit much I love you. I mean is this something that's always going to go on

What Girls Said 2

  • Lmao you're dating a momma's boy! There is no cure to this complex. He will forever be a momma's boy.

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    • He normally isn't though Lol at least he never struck me as one. I mean he always was super nice to his mom and treated her well but in a good way not in a overly attached momma boy way

  • You're over reacting. It's just a call. What will one call a day that lasts 1 hour at most, do to your 16 hours of being awake? Nothing.

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    • Don't you think the fact that he needs to talk to her everyday at 28 mean he's a mommas boy. I mean its time to cut the apron strings. My mom calls like once a week or once every few days. It is more the fact that I feel like she is calling to check up on him and see what we are doing all the time. Like come on give us some space. I almost feel like she doesn't trust me like I he is Jere with me believe it or not we are two capable adults who know what we are doing. I think for me what is bothering me is the nature of the phone call itself its more like what are you doing now what did you do what are you going to do do you know how to fix this or you're supposed to do this or this its like jesus women let us breathe we aren't incapable of doing things

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