A nice guy asked me out but I'm not physically attracted to him?

I play in a community band every week & am assigned to sit next to the same guy everytime. He's very nice & we get along well.. yesterday he asked if I'd like to go out for dinner sometime after band rehearsal (he's been really flirty lately). I said I'd check my schedule & get back to him.. and I haven't yet. I REALLY don't wanna go & I feel horrible but I'm not attracted at all. I'm not saying I need a handsome guy, but this guy's kinda hard to look at. He's skinny as a twig, super pale except he has purple pockmarks all over his face (from previous acne I assume), and his lips are perpetually cracked/bleeding. I know I sound so shallow but the thought of being physical wiht him grosses me out. I don't know what to do, if I turn him down future band rehearsals will be awkward. I'm almost considering not going to rehearsal next week just to avoid him.. any advice? Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When you said you would check your schedule and get back to him, you already knew you weren't interested. I can appreciate that you want to let him down easily, but most guys don't understand subtle hints. You need to tell his guy that he's not a good match for you, and that you don't want to mislead him or waste his time. There's nothing shallow about it; if you're not interested, you're not interested. Future band rehearsals don't have to be awkward; it's really not a big deal. I have remained friends with many women who rejected me.

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    • This guy pretty much nailed it. Just be straightforward about your disinterest. He might be upset for a day or two but he'll get over it, it's a lot better than what he would think if you kept leading him on or making excuses.

    • Good advice! I didn't put this in my original question, but I mentioned this to one of my female relatives and she scolded me for not giving him a chance at least, especially since I'm not "getting any younger". That's partly why I haven't flat out rejected him yet.. do you think it's worth it to give him a chance in this case? I guess, do you (or anyone here) have experience dating someone you weren't attracted to and did it work out?

    • No! Don't even go down that road. You can't force yourself to like a guy you obviously have no interest in. You're 26 and you're already getting the "you're not getting any younger" speech? That's harsh... and really bad advice. No, don't waste this guy's time. Save your time and energy for a guy you're genuinely attracted to.

What Guys Said 5

  • Well, firstly you are not a horrible person nor are you shallow. We can't control how we feel about people we're not attracted to.

    In future, if someone asks you out and you don't want to go out with him, tell him no thank you right away. However, you told him you'd get back to him so you should. I don't think you should miss rehearsal to avoid him. You're only prolonging the inevitable. Perhaps tell him that you're flattered but you don't think it's a good idea because you don't date people you work closely with.

    What instrument do you play?

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  • I would tell him that ur simply not interested cos it will only get worse if u string him along. Dont make too much a big deal out of it cos thats where the awkward tension will come from. Just tell him lightly and move on and im sure everything will be ok.

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  • Just say that your not interested in dinner with him but the sentiment was nice,

    And continue on with normal conversation as though everything was normal.

    If he asks about another time be a liiitle more forceful with your no thank you, and so on so forth.

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  • There's a subtle way... just say that something came up. If he asks you again, you give another excuse. Maybe he'll get it. If not you could always say you only see friendship.

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  • Tell him you are not looking for a relationship and you think he is.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Just let him down gently, simply tell him that he's a nice guy, but you're not interested in him like that. Don't keep giving him false hope or anything like that, just tell him you're honestly just not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him.

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    • No don't say he's a "nice guy" - that just pisses people who are nice off. Just let him know you're not interested romantically or something along those lines. Once you do that you're not responsible for how he feels and he'll get over it. Trust me.

  • You just have to turn him down and try not to make band rehearsals awkward

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