Did I scare him off, or was he just too immature?

So, recently I mustered up the courage to ask this cutie who works at a pharmacy by my apartment out after I having gotten back into pretty good shape; he quickly agreed and my room mate (and bestie) suggested that I invite him over for some drinks and video games (we're all kind of geeky that way). I did and he was eager to come over.

When he got there, we all hit it off and were having an awesome time. While talking this guy revealed to me that he didn't drink, smoke, or even swear, never had a girlfriend, still lived with mommy and didn't want to leave because he had a good "set up." I'm the bipolar opposite (save the smoking): I moved out when I was 19, have a job, am going back to school in September, and I drink on weekends. However, I felt like this guy was special, so it didn't really bother me, and it didn't seem to bother him too much that we had differences. I flirted with him (gave him a hug or two, leaned against him, said he was cute, etc) and he flirted back (touched my leg, put his hand on the controler over mine to show me how to do certain moves in Mortal Kombat) etc. I even went as far as to pay for his meal when we ordered food. I kissed him on the cheek at the end of the night and texted him shortly after. He said he had a blast and we even made plans to see each other again!

Fast forward a day later: he calls me up and I can already tell that something's wrong. He was stuttering and nervous, and ended up telling me that he thought I was cool, wanted me and my roomie to meet his friends... but didn't see dating as the "best course of action." Needless to say, I was pretty torn up about it because I thought everything went well.

I want to know what I did wrong, or if I did anything wrong. Everyone I asked said he probably is just too scared of having a girlfriend, or doesn't want to commit, thinks I was too forward, or it could be because I drink on weekends... I don't know what to think. Was it me? Or could it be that he just was too immature to be in a relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would have asked him, what does he see as the best course of action. But, yeah it sounds like he is not ready. He might realize you are a great girl, but still have not made it where you are in life yet and wants to just take it easy and don't want to get serious or anything like that because of it.

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    • That's kind of what I figured. You made me feel a lot better about it though, thank you.

    • No problem.

What Guys Said 1

  • Why would you even think he was interested in you? He is NOT the one who asked you for date. And likely obliged not to hurt your feelings. Asking a guy out is a bit uncomfortable for him, if not an imposition. When he asks you out, then you are certain that he really is interested.

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    • He acted interested first of all because I asked him out on a date and he said yes, in case that was too difficult for you to grasp. He also flirted with me, told me I was pretty, and made a second date with me, he just backed out last minute. I'm not sexist and I don't expect the man to do the asking out, and he actually told me he thought it was cool that a girl asked him because there's unfair pressure put on men to always be the ones to ask.

What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly I think it was just his immaturity. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise! And if he was flirting back with you, you definitely weren't coming off too strong. Don't worry. Basically, I'm guessing he just wasn't ready to commit to a relationship with you, but you didn't do anything wrong.

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