Do you agree that when you stop trying and searching for love, love finds you?

I hear people saying that when you stop trying and just keep on having fun (generally), somehow a new person comes in your life and your dating life comes back to life... Lol I don't know how to explain it in other words... But basically that's the main idea. I have to say that it has happened to me once but I don't know... What do you think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • completely! In grade 12 I almost fell for this disrespectful, below average complete creep because he showed me a little attention it was pathetic! The way I let him treat me was worse, he forcefully made out with me until I was choking and having an asthma attack finally was able to hurl him off of me. After that I still gave him chances!
    After all that I realized how idiotic I was for dropping all my standards just because I felt bad for never dating at 18. I turned down some grad date invites and decided to go with my girls, enjoy every second, and make memories with them. Near the end of the night I was at an after-after grad party and my friends had wandered off to get the pizza we stealthily ordered. I found another friend of mine on the couch and slid in beside her and realized I was between her and this gorgeous boy who played cello in a play I was in. I always thought I caught him looking at me during the play but I brushed it off because he was a boy who nearly every girl in my grade has had a little crush on at some point. We ended up chatting and sitting together on the limo that was dropping off all the drunk kids, then for the last two weeks of grade 12 he would follow me around school because he knew he didn't have much time left to flirt and he was super sweet and we fell for each other really fast.
    We will have officially been together a year in June and I've never felt so close to another person in my whole life I love him so much!
    So bottom line NEVER drop your standards you have them for a reason!

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What Guys Said 16

  • No. There is no cosmic power or karma that sends love your way based on anything you do or don't do.

    That doesn't mean it's not sometimes a helpful mindset. Sometimes people try too hard and fail to be themselves, which hurts their ability to develop meaningful relationships. In other cases it can deter the self-loathing and self-destruction that is often associated with frustration. If it helps you relax and be yourself, it can help you improve the way you relate to the opposite sex for sure.

    However, for plenty of people, especially for the many guys most girls don't find attractive, its necessary to be proactive. If these people take the mentality that love will just "happen" to them they're going to very often wind up lonely and bitter.

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  • I'm really glad you asked this, 'cause it got me thinking of something I had almost forgotten. I used to have this feeling that you get the opposite of what you try for. I remember having a hopeless crush on this one girl, so I tried to scare off other girls. It seemed to have the opposite effect.

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  • Pfff I have no idea. I can only tell you that I've been trying for years to find love and I've gotten nothing. Now I'm done with that, I'm tired. If it comes, it comes, if not, I don't care.

    So, for me, looking for it didn't work, maybe that means if I don't look for it, it'll find me, or maybe it just means I'm not suitable for love, who knows xD

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  • not really for men. I followed that advice and got nothing. So this time, I actively searched for it like tomorrow wasn't coming (read pick up books, went out with pick up artists, went on the town specifically to meet women, hooked up many online profiles) and now... man I am swamped with women. Im seeing a different girl on Friday , Sat and Sunday. I am calming down though... its effecting my goals and life.

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  • It's true to an extent - when you're actively looking, you are sizing up everyone you meet as a potential love interest, and that might be showing more than you realize.

    The flip side is that you can just decide, 'screw it, I don't need anyone' and spend the rest of your life alone because you weren't receptive to any possiblities.

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  • Maybe for women... but as a guy... if you aren't at least attempting to approach women or talk to them, you'll be single for life. Men always have to make the effort, so not putting effort into finding love isn't an option (unless your famous) for men unless you want to be single.

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  • Maybe so

    ,,,,,,

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  • The words 'fuck' and 'no' come to mind. If that were the case, I'd probably be married with children by now, haha.

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  • they compare with a butterfly when you hunt it it will fly away but otherwise it will come to you maybe and stay on your hand

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  • Well, i'm not agree like that, but usually when u do not pay attention @ something like love, u have more possibilities :D so yea maybe :p

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  • Just be open to possibilities.

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  • It's obvious when someone is trying too hard. If you just live your life. People will see you in your natural state.

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  • this applies to men more than women

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  • That's how it happened for me... some issues at the moment, but for eight months things were good.

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  • Absolutely. I think the best things in life come when you least expect them. There are so COUNTLESS people who are in positions that they never expected to be in. You got youtubers who were working at dead end jobs and out of nowhere (unplanned), they got super popular and are now a household name on the internet with their own merchandise, brand and company. It's something they never expected. It's not like they started doing youtube to get rich, it just happened.

    Good things happen when you least expect them but the key is to PUT YOURSELF out there. Nothing will happen if you're sitting at home or follow a rigid schedule that doesn't allow you to expose yourself to connect to others.

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  • From a girl's perspective - maybe. From a guy's perspective we're basically railroaded into trying/approaching/making moves, etc. As a guy, if you're not searching, nothing happens (generally). It's unusual for good things of that nature to fall into our lap.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Sort of...

    It comes down to the vibe you are putting out... people can smell desperation a mile away and it's a total repellent. So, when people say to stop looking so hard, it's because you are making yourself seem desperate and you can't attract people that way.

    You're most attractive when you are enjoying yourself and BEING yourself... so the advice to just concentrate on having fun and doing the things you enjoy is solid because a) it gets your mind off of wanting to meet someone, and b) you're giving off positive and attractive vibes when you do so.

    I'd been trying to meet a guy for the past couple of years with nothing working out... I'd gone on a tonne of dates, put myself out there in every way I could, and no luck. Then one night my now boyfriend subbed on my soccer team... I noticed he was cute, but I didn't really think too much of it because I was concentrating on playing soccer, and I wasn't even thinking anything would happen since I'm at m grossest looking (and smelling!) during and after soccer. Well, I was still thinking about him the next day and decided to be a creep-o and add him on facebook (I added a couple of other mutual acquaintances I knew from soccer at well so I didn't seem creepy haha) and then a week later I had a message from him asking me to go out :)

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    • I'm serious you should get MHO for this, this is really awesome :)

  • Yes, that is true!

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  • I believe so. I was in something and that ended because he was a douchebag. However I just didn't care to date, just wanted to do my thing. A friend wanted to set up a night having wings with a group, I said sure and I had no idea I was being set up on a double date which worked out really well. Things just happen and if it's meant to be it will, just don't look cause sometimes what you look for isn't what you want.

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  • I would believe it more if I had been on more than 3 dates ever (granted I've been asked more than 3 times). There is something to be said about attracting more people by just being yourself and comfortable and confident in your own skin, but it doesn't guarantee that you will be attracted to who comes out of the woodwork. Anything is possible though I suppose.

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  • Nah. In my experiences if I wanted to find "love" I had to do a lot of searching and meeting all kinds of people until I clicked with one.

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  • yes. timing is everything.

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  • I agree! Once you stop trying to force things to happen in your life, everything falls into place!
    It happened to me when I least expected love.

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