Who is wrong here?

OK so my boyfriend and I are having an argument over a certain issue and I would like an outsiders opinion. My bfs brother and his fiancée just had their first baby a few weeks ago. We live in pa and they live in Virginia. My boyfriend and I have our own apartment together. We have for about a year now. His mom called and was like we should all get a hotel by Brian and Laura's house (his bro and sis in law) so we can all see the baby and we don't have to put them out by staying at their place. My boyfriend and I agreed that sounded like a perfect idea until his mom told him that she would prefer it if me and him hot separate hotel rooms because it makes her uncomfortable two unmarried people getting a hotel room together. Now keel in mind we all plan on paying for our own hotel rooms so this would cost us extra money. Not to mention ad long as it isn't done under her roof it isn't her business how we conduct our relationship as long as we aren't hurting anyone. I mean cmon we have our own place together for crying out loud. My boyfriend said he feels kind of torn because he said he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable because she has done a lot for him over the years. My rebuttal for that was well she has to get over it because it is nuts to exoyect us to fish out extra money because of her crazy outdated beliefs. I could understand more if we were staying at his moms house but we are not. I'm like no Dan you have to nicely tell your mom no Sarah and I aren't dishing out extra money because you are uncomfortable with something that makes no sense we are two grown adults who live together and I'm not making my girlfriend get her own room. Who is in the wrong here? Is it mt boyfriend for not standing behind me as a team and putting our relationship and my feelings first and acting like a mommas boy who can't stand up to mommy or am I for wanting to ho against his moms wishes and why?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me start out by saying that I am a Christian so I am going to actually take his mom's side. Also it sounds like you're trying to be way too controlling of him. It's his mother for crying out loud and respecting her wishes here is most important. I understand that the money thing is an issue but maybe his mom would be willing to share some expenses? You've gotta look at it from his and his mothers point of view.

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    • How am I being controlling? Controlling would be me telling him he can't see certain friends or what not or things that don't effect both of us in the relationship. This effects both of us. I'm. not about to dish out mobey that I don't have so I can entertain some crazy belief. We live together doe crying out loud we are starting our own life together I think in this case my wishes should be more important. A true man stands by the woman he is starting his life with. That's part of growing up peoples roles in your life switch and you start making decisions in life on how it is going to effect you and your partner the person you are going to be spending the rest of your life with. It has nothing to do with it being his mother so I don't know why you reiterated that it is his mother it doesn't matter who it is it is ridiculous to expect two grown adults who are paying their own way to get separate rooms. We are adults it is time he acts like it and stands up to mommy. If he doesn't start

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    • Ok 1. The point of a relationship is to see if that person is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. If marriage isn't the goal, than the relationship has no purpose. Sure sexual relations may be satisfying for a short time but a relationship based on sex always ends in disaster. 2. It sounds like you're boyfriend is contradicting himself is you live together but he doesn't want to stay in the same hotel room as you so he seems a little unstable in that aspect. 3. You're English skills suck and make you're comments very difficult to read at times.

    • Sorry its not that my English skills suck OK typing on my phone so I am making typos. Moving on which one is it first you say that you understand why he is listening to his mom and now you're saying he is being contradictory if he doesn't want to share the hotel room with me. Lastly don't sit here and try and tell me that our relationship has no purpose without marriage being the end goal. Marriage is merely a piece of paper. It is the commitment time and effort that you put into a relationship. Not everyone decides to get married if you do there is nothing wrong with that and that's perfectly fine but its not for everyone so don't judge those who decide not to for whatever reason.

What Guys Said 3

  • If he is so hot on respecting his mother's wishes, then he would not be living with you. Since he is living with you, it makes no sense to separate just for the time in the hotel. He needs to grow a pair and tell her that you and he are together already, and are not splitting for show while down there.

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    • That's what I'm saying. Thank you! We already live together for crying out loud and sorry but I'm not dishing out extra money and staying in a bedroom alone in an unfamiliar area so we can appease a ridiculous idea. If he can't stand up to her noe and always puts her wishes first and can't stand up for me then when will he will he still be listening to mommy into his 30s 40s and 50s?

    • Plus - you are going there to see their baby, and the only reason you are staying in a hotel is so that you don't get in the way of his brother and the woman he is having a baby with without being married. Does she want them to get separate rooms while you guys are there? I think not.

  • You're a woman, you are never wrong.

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  • If you're having to ask "who's wrong" then you're not in a very good relationship. It's not about who's "wrong" it's about fixing it

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What Girls Said 3

  • You are right, but you should have been more gentle about it. I get it, it's super frustrating and her beliefs are outdated and they are blatantly stupid. Instead of telling him he should do: x, y and z... you have to try and explain to him that you DO understand why he is torn and DO understand where he is coming from, but that YOU aren't comfortable with dishing out extra money to adhere to a belief that you don't personally agree with. Tell him that as his lover, he has to back you up. He doesn't live with his mother, he lives with you.

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    • How was I not gentle? I honestly don't get where he is torn because its not like there is any rational reason behind her being uncomfortable. We literally sleep together every night. And he is a grown man he needs to start putting his gf/wife first and stand up to mommy. It just seems like he is almost defending her belief

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    • What does it being the woman who gave birth to him have anything to do with it? I don't care if it is the next door neighbor the Prince or his mom it is equally ridiculous to expect two grown adults who live together to have separate hotel rooms when you aren't funding the trip and its not your house. Like it literally makes no sense. To me it would be just as ridiculous if we were going away with friends and the friends said we want you two to get separate rooms because it is uncomfortable for us for u guys to share a room

    • Well in the end it's up to you, you asked for an opinion and this is just mine. I believe in trying to work with everyone and respect everyone regardless of if I agree or not. If you don't want to do that, that is entirely your choice.

  • Neither.. he respects both of you. You can either dish it out, not go, or fight with mom. All up to you but if you want her respect get a desperate room.

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    • I feel like its the other way around she should respect that we are two adults who live together. Why should she have any say we are funding it ourselves and its not her house she should suck it up and get over it and my boyfriend should realize how ridiculous it is and stand up for us

  • Honestly, reading your responses to the other commenters it sounds like you're just trying to get someone to tell validate your anger. Yes, you may not agree with her, but she is a very important person to your boyfriend and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make others happy. Yes, it is unfair, but so goes life.

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    • But sgoyldnt I start becoming the most important women in his life I mean we are planning to start our lives together. And why do I have to be the one to sacrafice? Again no one is answering my question of when does it end if st 25 he is looking to please moy over the women he is starting his life with? That's called not being able to cut the apron strings and being a mommas boy and that isn't healthy for a grown man to be when he is looking to start a life with his women

    • I understand you wanting him to cut the apron strings, so to speak, but you're making him pick sides. Have you talked to his mom about it? I think she doesn't realize realize how much this matters to you and if you explain your reasons to her, like you did here, I think she might budge or at the very least help pay for another room

    • That's a good idea maybe I should very calmly and respectfully talk to her about it. It isn't really about picking sides it is about expecting the man that wakes up next to me every morning who I am starting a life with to not adhere to all of his mothers crazy wishes because he is an adult man. That's literally all it is about cutting the apron strings. Expecting him to take sides would be if his mom and I had a petty argument about who the best band is or something like that and I was putting him in the middle. At 25 years old a. man should be able to tell mommy look I am not paying extra money to get a separate hotel room when the women I am spending the rest of my life with sleeps next to me every single night. That's not making him choose sides that's just common sense

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