Do others think moving in together can destroy some relationships?

It might be because I'm young but I've never really liked the idea of moving in with a SO but at the same time I have nothing against a committed relationship. I've always thought it'd be ideal if I lived in my apartment while they lived in there's. We would basically spend 4-5 nights a week being together so we'd really only sleep alone in our respective places for maybe 2-3 days a week. I like the idea of just having two separate places to live and having a little bit of privacy. I don't have anything to hide but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy actually having privacy. I also like picking them up and dropping them off in the night. Or if I have a home date it's nice preparing having the place to my own
I understand it would cost us half the money to live together but I just feel that isn't as ideal. But a lot of girls think I wouldn't be serious about the relationship if I wasn't thinking about moving in. They think I wouldn't commit. Relationships end because of the very discussion couples have about moving in together. Every other part of their relationship might be almost like a good dream but then it all comes crashing down when they have disagreements about moving in together. Just because I don't want to "officially" live in the same place doesn't mean I'm not serious about them. I don't know, is this just weird of me?

Also I appreciate the people that actually took the time to read this brick of text...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sure, it can. Dating someone and living with someone can be two very different things. People vary in terms of things like level of cleanliness, amount of alone time they prefer, what roles they think each person should take when they live together. You may find out that your partner has some annoying habits that you would only discover if you live together, etc. People tend to be on their best behaviour when they're dating, so you see what they're really like when you live with them. It's not uncommon for couples to get into more arguments than usual when they first move in together (or a little while after they've been living together). Many couples work through this time and figure out something that works for both of them. Some don't.

    Anyway, you aren't alone in thinking you'd prefer to live separately from your partner. There are couples, even married couples, who keep their own separate homes. Google something like "couples living separately" and you'll see articles written about such couples.

    That said, it is the cultural norm to live with your partner, if not before marriage, then definitely after marriage. It is seen as the "logical progression" of a relationship. Because of that, you'll certainly meet women who would not be happy with such an arrangement (I suspect the majority of men and women expect to live with their long-term partner or spouse some day).

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What Girls Said 1

  • You're a bit young for all that especially if marriage isn't on the horizon. What are the reasons for cohab? If it is simply because you are spending most nights together and to save money this is almost always not a good reason. You then also have to start sharing bills and if you guys have different approaches to handling money this will further stress the relationship.

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    • I guess I might not have made it clear but yeah I'm against cohab. It's just girls I know say that cohab is the sign of the relationship being serious but I disagree and think it can be serious without living together.

What Guys Said 3

  • Interesting notion, I am a fan of minmaxing finances and as such would think maintaining Two households would really increase expenses, but if you can afford it, then sure.

    I actually had a friend whose parents lives like that. Each of them has their own house, but they are neighbours! I wonder how they managed to get enough resources for that, haha.

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  • Yeah, I see what you're saying. Society thinks its weird. I don't though. I like my place too and I don't want to live with my girlfriend where she feels its appropriate to rearrange the furniture and redecorate and stuff and god forbid take over all my storage space.
    I had a girlfriend who I agreed to let move in with me once and all that stuff I mentioned started to happen. It really wasn't cool.

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  • It's good because it's good way of judging if some one is marriage material if you two get along

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    • Marriage isn't a priority of mine though. Can two people not be committed to each other for life without the threat of financial ruin of divorce?

    • In narnia and Disney movies

    • That's a shame. Really shows how little loyalty we actually have for each other...

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